ON LINE BULLYING

[blondie 11]

Has anyone ever been a victium of this? I am looking at TV show now that is talking about a girl that had a nose job after someone make fun of hers on line? People can be cruel and do not think of how much damage it does to the other person.

[Tina]

Dear Alla, Thank you very much, However truly it does go so far beyond me and the more it is hidden or brushed over the more a small group feels empowered and that they can do it again and again. When something is truly wrong, it is my feeling that those are some of the social issues to be worked through. When it was an attack this little gang were all there for the one sided beating, and without interference from those who were to be the over seers of all the community.
These are REAL issues that could serve to the building of society and online society as well. Instead some people just get their third grade mentality going on, attack a little more and slam the one trying to understand or create change. I think in some ways Alla that some of humanity rejects change, even when it is progressive and would be better over all for an entire community and not just puffing up someone who seems to need that.
Thanks for communicating with my dear sister Alla, I have three more if you ever get lonely! LoL
You know, I have a feeling that for a few folks, if they could just attack and attack without cause or provocation this would entertain them for life, however some of the world seeks progressive change and bulling is an old, old, unacceptable thing that has been allowed to get far out of hand.
I wish you something progressive Alla, in the situation you are also now dealing with. I hope that someone will continue to discuss your thought's and feelings with you until as a peaceful society you can come to an good and fair conclusion. Blessings, Tina (ps. My spelling is good , I checked!! LoL)

[Alla]

Catnip, I do not think Quinn made a typo. I think she called Tina by the name of Maggie is because it was part of the confusion on the real tbd. I also think that one of the reasons Tina was attacked was because those that attacked thought that Tina was lying and using different names. Unless I am totally off the track.

[Alla]

Tina, please don't go anywhere unless YOU want to. People create problems, people have to resolve them and work hard on it. I know at the time when it happened, you could not. I am glad to see that you did not get scared and did not disappear. You have guts, Tina. I have the most respect for you and people that supported you at that time. I remember Golanv and most likely it was Madhatter. Those 2 people were and are outstanding in their support for you.

I will say this to Quinn: you can stop all your hopes that one day you will wake up and all the problems and drama would disappear. That’s not going to happen. On the contrary, this place is so small that people do count and their feelings count as well. May be, just may be, you should go to a place like Facebook, MySpace where people do count as numbers. Facebook has over 300 million people and keeps growing. There is no drama there. Perhaps, this is a better environment for you. If you do go there, forget about not seeing commercials on Facebook. This is one of the best places to advertise and I spend a lot of money advertising there. So, it is your choice.

[Alla]

Thank you, Maggie. I think people with guts make much more sense in terms of life long decisions, then those that try to sweep the dirt under the rug, wake up one day and find themselves in a fairytale with no problems, bypass the problems, close their eyes and pretend problems do not exist, you got my idea - thank you. I am a fighter and I fight if I am persuaded that the idea is right.

[Alla]

Catnip, so if that picture of Maggie and Tina was displayed somewhere on real tbd, the entire attack on Tina could be avoided?

[Tina]

I don't know if these are the pictures you are talking about, they have all been on my profile and what does it prove, you two don't get it, these folks do not want proof, they could have had it the same as Powerwave, JaW, Raven and so many others, they for whatever reason want to hate me more than to know truth..........There is not one thing I can do to take away what has been done or to cause people who wish to hate to hate. you can have all the photos you wish, those who have made up their minds to be at war, to hate, to attack, to judge, even falsely they will. I can do nothing, as I stated it has gone to far.

It is and has been very painful this was me 15 months ago, this is me today, and you wish for me to plaster it all over to people who have treated me with such mistrust and venom? Sure, why not, I have no pride left, a few people have seen to that, tried to strip me of my life, my family, my honor and my name. It's ok though, there is a better day and a better world coming one day, I know gang, not one day soon enough for you! I hear ya, I got it!

Disease is progressive, some moves fast, some more slowly, mine has apparently not moved fast enough. I find it very difficult to apologize for that. However take heart my 18 month due date is up the first week of February, so there is hope yet. I love you guys, I don't like you very much anymore, But I do love you and I wish you hadn't felt the need.

[Tina]

Not really a pretty picture, nor easily lived either, but who cares right! I know!

[Alla]

Tina, I understand how hurt you are. I know you did not deserve it. I understand you are hurt even more because you were so ill. I understand that you asked Valery to come to real tbd and speak for you. I remember when Valery came she said that she was not involved in social websites and practically had no experience being online. I remember she was very hurt with the outcome of her presence on tbd.

I think that being not very experienced, not having that thick skin in terms of tolerating and distinguishing in a very detailed way what is minor and what is major played it's role. May be some facts could be overlooked. But Valery had very ill sister at home. That fact alone contributed to her being hurt even more. Do you see what I am trying to say, Tina? It was not a win-win situation.

We have a different situation now. You feel better. You are online. I am glad you posted pictures. Now everybody knows you are Tina, not Maggie, you are real.

I have a suggestion. You tell me, Tina, if you agree or not. I want to challenge people that mistreated you, if they are still around, to come out and simply say that they are sorry, it was a mistake, they overreacted. Would that bring closure to you, Tina? Are theses people that hurt you still around?

[Tina]

You know what Alla, It does truly and very deeply hurt me, I am a human being. Who came to this place on line because for the most part I am shut in my home or someone else's home. But to me and very sincerely, this situation and the way it has been handled and dealt with has hurt the whole community and the "experiment" that was said it was begun for.
It is an awful feeling to be attacked online, to be called a liar and a fake right down to the very blood that runs through ones veins. But for me, it is even more hurtful to know that this is the human race. People that I truly felt were good, decent and loving friends turned so quickly into mean spirited and accusing people on a person they only knew online and did not make one attempt to save our friendship or to find the truth.
I do not need apologies, Alla, It would be so uplifting to know why this was done at all. And why so many just jumped right in instead of remembering all the pm's we all shared, the laughter, the fun, the discussions. I mean does a person really give of themselves to others and receive from others only to be turned on when they are not even there?
What does this say of society? What does it say to anyone who may be ill and belongs to an online "community"....I really do feel that I was thrown into a closed box with angry "christians", or flesh eating animals. And for what purpose?
As I am being told I am being punished, ignored and treated this way because of what some other person did to one member a year ago? Does this make rational sense?
Sure Alla, I would love it if people would at least stop pming further lies, #1 Alla, if anyone really wants truth...Is that I am allowing myself to be made a public ass for the sole purpose that just one person decides that they will never do this to another human being...it really does hurt, it is painful to my heart and whole intent for joining in the first place and if I allowed it to , it truly could turn me against to human race, but then that is not who I am or who I have ever been..........
So many here do NOT use their real names, some of my own friends do not use their real names, some have never used a real picture, I have done both and look where it has lead. My own honesty and love for the people caused this. That is truly sad. I wanted to discuss it, I wanted the underhanded and the open handed meanness to stop.. I truly do not know what else to do. I do not know one other member who has been so crapped on without any cause what so ever. And when I share that I pray it never happens to those who have willingly participated in this attacking of me over and over and then ignoring me as though I deserve that treatment. And now I have to put what little energy I have into finding out who is opening accounts pretending to be me all over the internet.
I don't know Alla, for this madness to stop, for one, just one person to see that hate, wounds or just plain loving to be unkind to another human being who has been nothing but kind is wrong. That is the good that I find in it all. Yet they still call me a whiner, thin skinned, liar, fake, tantrum thrower. Nope I am not any or one of these things. I am Tina Volk, a country woman who joined an online community in search of some light hearted fun, intelligent discussion and a social connection to distract myself from the realities of my life and to feel like I had a reason to even try to live.

[Tina]

Every now and again Cindy I am given an open door or something comes up where I am able to try and express myself here. Yesterday was one of those days, I have done my best today, done all I know to do.
Whatever I do someone, somewhere will be disappointed, find fault, kick in some fashion.
I am sorry for that. If I walk away , "I am a coward", If I ignore, then it's "I can't defend myself, I am thin skinned, a whiner, and full of drama." None of that is even close to who I am or have EVER been, If I stand up and speak the truth, my truth, Well then, "I am disappointing or offending someone."
No one can possibly make everyone happy all the time, I don't care who they are. I am a human being, I was created human.

I almost think Catnip that there may well be an excuse for it, I don't really know, and I can't say because I wasn't here when it all started or was allowed. I only know what I read from the printed threads and posts and it was without doubt with intent to slander, and it was vicious. There is no other way to describe it's content. I cannot change what was done, I cannot know the excuse or reason for it. What I do know without doubt is that I, Tina, Had not one thing to do with it and that not ONE thing in the one post was true, not a single thing, Yet....It posted my name several times, it defamed my life, my illness, my beliefs, what language I speak, the very blood of my being, everything right down to the crafts that I do. That is slander and vicious slander at that. It was nothing but down right ugly and it was, without a doubt allowed, to stay there without refute or correction for weeks.
Nothing was done by those who added to the thread, and yet two more threads were also started and allowed to stay in tact.
So please no one speak to me of fairness at TBDNing. Don't try and cause me to feel badly because the rules and guidelines were not inforced, not even slightly and now this ugly has never stopped, for me or for others. When I emailed both "advisors/owner, whomever they were, I got absolutely NO, zero reply and I was shocked , one was "my friend".
Please people stop asking, demanding or expecting me to just keep turning the other cheek, My humanity fails me, had it stopped I had already come back to a harsh, mean and ugly group, but of course I returned, why would I not?
Please stop attacking me for being attacked online. I believe that this has gone on far too long and far too harshly. In case you have refused to hear it, My name is being used by someone, or someone's all over the internet, I haven't a clue yet what they have done in my name. Yes that is an issue for me and for some others as well.
I am very sorry if what was actually done makes some of you feel uncomfortable. But you are again blaming the wrong person, you are continuing to attack and come against the one who was attacked and had no say, no input or no clue as to this going on until I recovered at least three weeks after I was taken ill......I do not even begin to understand what is so difficult to understand. It is so clear to me, but then it was done to me, maybe that is it.
So dear friend and lady Catnip, an apology, oh I am a half full cup person, yes I am but I am not stupid. I don't need it. I would very much like it to stop in my face and behind my back as I did then and do now NOTHING, to deserve such cruel treatment.
Nor do I often defend myself, however as I said, Someone is going to berate what I do one way or another, today I chose to stand, tomorrow who knows, I am not there yet!

Thanks for the love, kindness and support from all of those who have, I try to also show my appreciation, some of you know that. Your idea of an explanation would really have helped Catnip, but that would really take a person with a heart and someone who did not have ill intent in their heart from the start and with the way this has been handled or not handled, I have truly wondered myself! It remains a mystery and maybe the two who started it don't know why they did it. So excuse or not, I don't know, Kind, Just or even slightly right or fair. Nope!
Stinks to be right now, however I got it...

[funesthememorious]

TPAM ( The Person Above Me ) is a gentle, kind, insightful member of our species and I have always admired her candor and wisdom.

[Tina]

For the record and for those who do not read forums from the beginning, Yes OLD TBD is closed. I am sad for Robin in that as she had begun something that seemed to thrive. However it is due to the failure to deal with this situation of online abuse, and open forum attack that this has continued. It has and many here, both new and old have posted on it.
This is actually the first forum I believe I have begun on TBDNing. Each time the subject has been brought up by someone, anyone it has been attacked fiercely and shut down or closed for one reason or another.
I have MANY times thanked publicly the two moderators of TBDNing for their help in taking (or having them taken) more attacks made on me in open forum off the forum. I deeply appreciate their efforts. I am quite sure that it is at times a thankless job.
So the reason it is still being brought up is because it began way back then, was never addressed and the issue followed here, I had long since moved forward and was more than ready and willing to move on. The point is to show that it does indeed exist and that it is harmful to many and that it does escalate into actual crime, using in this case my name to set up false accounts all over the internet sending out heaven only knows. So to me it is very relevant to online community's.
It is as high a discussion or should be as is Religion, Politics, Prejudice or any other real issue brought up. This one happens to hit right in the core of an online community. No one wishes this resolved more so than I since it has attacked no one but me, my credibility as a human being, my family and the truth of my existence.
This effects children, teens and apparently adults as well and it is seriously damaging.