Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole

[EddieDingo]

These jokes may not be entirely politically correct, but if we can still laugh at ourselves there is hope for the world.

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).

She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"

"They're a dollar for a box of three," he replied.  "Plus six cents for the tax."

"Oh," said the blonde.  "I wondered how they kept them on."

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

*A school inspector is visiting a 8th Standard class in a school .*
He is introduced to the class by the teacher, Miss Yvonne.
She says to the class: "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question."
The inspector decides to ask a Biblical question. He says, "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho?"
For a full minute there is absolute silence. All the children just stare at him blankly.
Eventually Thomas raises his hand and the Inspector points excitedly to him.
Thomas stands up and says: "Sir, I don't know who broke down the walls of Jericho, but it wasn't me."
The inspector looks at the Miss Yvonne for an explanation. She says, "Well, I've known Thomas and his family for many years and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it, then he didn't do it."
The inspector is shocked at the level of ignorance. He storms down to the Principal's office and tells him what happened.
The Principal replies, "Look, I don't know the boy, but I socialise every now and then with his teacher and I believe her. If Mis Yvonne feels that the boy was not involved, then he must be innocent."
The inspector can't believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone on the Principal's desk, dials the Education Minister and relates the entire episode, and asks him what he thinks of the education standard in the school.
The Minister sighs heavily and replies, "Arre Inspoector mhojea bhava, you know I'm very bezy. I don't know the boy, the teacher or the principal. Just get three competitive quotes, add 30% for me, and have the wall fixed by my brother-in-law.

[Aggie]

Johnny, 16 years old and an altar boy in the local Catholic church, goes to confession.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I had "relations" with a loose girl."
The priest, recognizing his voice, says "Oh my, Johnny. This is very serious! I simply MUST know who it was so we can solve this problem. Was it Cathy Jones?"
"Father, I'm sorry, I can't say. I'm sworn to protecting her identity so as not to further ruin her repuation."
"Johnny, I can't accept that answer. Was it Julie O'Malley?"
"Father, please... I really can't say."
"Johnny, I IMPLORE you to tell me, so I can save her as well. Was it Lisa Murdoch?"
"Father, for the last time, I am sworn to secrecy."
The priest sighs in resignation, and says "Very well, Johnny. You are to say 5 Hail Mary's and you are suspended from altar boy duties for 4 months!"
Later that day, Johnny finds Pete, his best friend, also an altar boy. Pete says "OK, Johnny... so what did you get?"
"Four months vacation and three great leads!"

[Aggie]

One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, "Texas A & M."

[Aggie]

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting.
They spot a deer 30 yards away. The physicist calculates the amount of force necessary to propel the arrow based on the distance, angle, and drop due to gravity. He fires and the arrow lands 10 yards short.
The engineer takes his friend's calculations and adds a fudge factor to account for wind speed and drag. He overshoots and the arrow lands 10 yards too far.
The statistician jumps up and claps and cheers, "We got him!"

[Aggie]

I was at the checkout of a local Walmart.
The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.
I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she
had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and
knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.
I gave her the money back -- same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

[Aggie]

I walked into a Starbucks with a
buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at
a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'
"They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said,
"so I guess they're both free."
She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.

[Aggie]

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,
when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and asked, "Where?"

[Aggie]

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north; because, he explained,
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,
and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,
"Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."

[Aggie]

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked
what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

[Aggie]

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk.