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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
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Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 12.
Started by Mark Joel Lane. Last reply by Aggie Dec 31, 2015.
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Mar 20, 2015.
Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was. Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?" "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena. Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said,"Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?" "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?" "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs Motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?" "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena. Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena. The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her blond curls on the pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole. He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke or drink to have a good time!"
The waitress went over to fill the customer’s coffee cup. ”Regular?” she asked. ”Yes,” he said, “because I stay on a diet of fruit.”
A little known fact.... The first testicular guard, the "Cup", was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
You know that
inside your head that
keeps you from saying things
Yeah, I don't have
one of those
When you're dead, you don't
know you're dead
It's the same way when
Be careful when you follow the masses
Sometimes the 'm' is missing
Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Whiskey Christmas Cake recipe so here
goes. (I Made mine this morning!!!!)
1 cup sugar 1 tsp. baking powder 1 cup water 1 tsp. salt 1 cup brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs Nuts 2 cups dried fruit
Sample a cup of Whiskey to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Whiskey is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Whiskey to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Whiskey. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Whiskey and wipe the counter with the cat.
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