What would be your dream mate?

[crestofwaves]

I always thought how lucky women are to have a man who can sing to them and play an instrument beautifully.  But then I think that person might love his music more than me, which is a possibility. And my ideal dream mate must have ME at the center of his universe, but not too much, lol, as to smother. 

 

The best times my husband and I have always have to do with our shared love of music, but he doesn't play an instrument and has sung songs like "long haired country boy."

 

Is it possible to quantify what we want in a mate?  Is it just chemistry and you take the good with the bad?

 

Any clue?

[blithe spirit]

Someone who can put up with me...I can hard to take so I've been told.
I want someone who really cares about me and willing to care for me.
Someone who is curious about life and stuff in general and knows alot about life and has a passion for something in their life beyond me.
A love of music always a nice trait..willing to dance with me is nice too. Warmer weather person, for sure. Loves the water...being outside when it isn't too hot. Some travel, but not all the time.
That'll do...smile!

[Karin M Fichtner]

I think it's a good thing Lifesighs is already married...cuz otherwise I think we'd be competing for the same man! :-). Seriously, I want a man who's intelligent, but not a Know-it-all, funny, loves animals (especially dogs), gets along with kids (not that I have any...but I don't want a grouch who yells at the kids if their ball accidently lands in his yard), a man who's up for trying new things, is a little spontaneous, believes in working for what he gets, is a Christian, likes the water, enjoys music ( dancing is a plus, but not essential), is honest, likes my cooking, and.....and here's the kicker.....is faithful. I have had men in my life who had some of those qualities....but never a man with all of them. And Tim.....you are basing your confusion and dissatisfaction on your experience with one woman. There are lots of different kinds of women out there.....each with different expectations and needs. You know what they say.....when you fall off a horse, you have to get back on and try again. Don't judge us all by the actions of one. It's not fair to you.....or them.

[crestofwaves]

Merry, your story touched me so much that I was just thinking about it while I was taking a shower.

I, too, had a lovely marriage this time. We enjoyed the same things, he's easy going, we had such good times, and now he is being ravaged by CIDP.  We had five good years, despite all the shit with our kids, we managed to rise above it all and keep loving each other, etc.  Now the rest of his life will be fighting the ill effects of his disability and the rest of mine will be helping him.  It's so not what we planned.

My son bemoaned to me once on the phone, "I just can't seem to sustain happiness."  I responded, not in a very motherly way, "No fuckin' duh!"

 

You wonder why things turn out as they do. As your husband said, Merry, he finally found someone he could really love, and he got sick and died.  And Frenchy, the fact that you remember the detail so well of that special woman tells a lot.

 

Sigh...

[Merry]

Crest, he's with me all the time. It was an honor to help him through the tough stuff. I thanked God for almost every day we had together. Almost right to the end. And now , I thank God that I had him in my life. I'm at peace with that and appreciate being able to talk about it. Every day is a gift when you love someone and they love you right back. Now that I look at it. It's still amazing.

[Lifesighs]

I'm glad you had that Merry, but it's still a bitch that he had that freaking disease and you lost him. I wish someone would find a cure for cancer and all those other rotten illnesses like the one CIDP that is stealing Cresto's husband. It's a real pisser that the good ones get taken and those mean bastards are still humming away creating problems. Life is not fair.

[Merry]

AW, I know. But you know what. People die and love doesn't.

[crestofwaves]

Merry, you are amazing!

[Merry]

So are you, you have a lot on your plate right now young lady. He's a very lucky man.

[frenchy]

i gotta agree too . merry you were both lucky and unlucky at the same time .. for what is worse to love and have lost or to never love at all ?? i say to never love at all .. but it makes it that much more painful to finally find that one true love only to have them snatched away from you ..

somethin similar happened to vickie .. she had a young love and he went to vietnam .. but he never made it back.. my heart goes out to her too for the same reason ..   

[Merry]

The older I get , the less I really know and the more I wonder about. I also think reincarnation is true. Different cultures worlds apart came up with the same idea on their own. And I'm telling you, I feel my late husband in my home and it's very comforting. He was a rascal and he'd stick around. It's very beautiful.

[Lifesighs]

I hope you're right Merry, that makes me smile.

[blithe spirit]

Awww frenchy....thanks for remembering that. At the time, it was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me...and lovewise probably it was the most ever. But it was brief and quick and intense and a long time ago. I sometimes wonder how the experience has shaped my other relationships and how I have reacted to loss and love throughout my life.