You're killing me Smalls.....

[Jaylee53]

This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!

 

http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

 

 

 

I mean it...... :-)

[funesthememorious]

My wife says to her friend "Our sex life stinks."

Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?"

She says, "Once, and I saw rage." Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?"

My wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."

[TeeBubbaDee]

[Bob Stepp]

[funesthememorious]

Rick Perry thought it might look good on his potential presidential resume if he was inducted into the Skull and Bones Society so he contacted George Bush for some help.

Bush told him he must first pass a simple initiation test - go to Alaska and kill a polar bear and have sex with Sarah Palin.

Perry agreed and set off to finish his tasks.

Two weeks later he returns; bloodied, bruised, and all bandaged up.

Bush remarks to him, "Well were you successful or not?"

Perry replies, "Almost, I still have to kill Palin"

[TeeBubbaDee]

[Jaylee53]

[Merry]

My kitty is a conesuir of fine cardboard and hopped into a flat rate box this morning. Love this!

[Jaylee53]

Simons' got it:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKvNqe8cKU4

[TeeBubbaDee]

A Cat's Diary

•  

• DAY 752
  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

•  

   

• DAY 761
  Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

•  

   

• DAY 762
  Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

•  

   

• DAY 765
  Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

•  

   

• DAY 768
  I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

•  

   

• DAY 771
  There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage...

•  

   

• DAY 774
  I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safeties assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

•  

[Merry]

This one is always good.

[funesthememorious]

[Daddieo]

Bingo.