Starting over

[mrazz]

When I joined TBD I was at the lowest point in my life. I had been crying and crying missing Joe terribly. I remember getting on myspace...and there popped up the TBD site. I think in a way God was trying to help me find people that could relate or just some who had never walked in our shoes but were there to offer a friendship or to let me know they cared. I met some wonderful people there. I won't lie...met some jerks too (not personnally either - but did have the honor of meeting a few face to face great people). I was sinking and they were there.

I have read some of the most wonderful stories of some people meeting other people on the site and ended up with them in real life....I guess one of the things I have no clue on is how to start over.....

I have co-workers who say, "go out with him and just get a free meal"....k...that isn't me. I can't misslead someone to get a "free meal". I like to get to know them. It either clicks or doesn't. I can't play games.....and I don't want someone that thinks because I'm a widow I need to be rescued. Hello...I pay my bills and do just fine.

What I do want is someone to share my life with. Someone that makes me happy and makes me laugh. Someone that is severly nervous when they talk on the phone and rattles ninety to nothing. Someone who loves to stay home and watch a movie, or just go walk in a park. Someone that we can go eat Mexican food or sit on the floor and eat pizza with my kids. I just want to find my bestfriend again and start the next chapter with, while not being made to regret the last chapter.

[Wayman H. Summerlin]

Thanx for the advice Pru even tho it was directed at someone else. I am having some of the same problem mrzzreferienced an will jus back off, chill and drum my fingers for awhile. Hope YOU are doing well and surviving what I know are the Hellish Houston temps. (Up here in Montana we think 85 is a kool front. Bye

[Darby]

Good luck with your new chapter may it be filled to the brim with laughter and happiness, take care

[Tim Wat]

Hey, I wish you the very best. 1.5 after my divorce I'm fighting a similar kind of fight, I think. Starting over is an alien proposition to me too right now, but others who are further down this kind of road assure me it'll get better and just take it day by day.

[mrazz]

It is always hard to start over when your world was totally changed forever and not by your choice. I'm not in any hurry. My kids and their happiness is the most important thing. When it happens it will happen. I know God taking Joe from me that he has someone out there for me. So I will take it a day at a time...and concentrate on making sure that my kids happiness is the most important.

The slow thing....oh yeah. It is funny to me that being a widow makes some guys think I'm also desperate. One guy that I talked to acted like......yeah you guessed it we were a couple. WE HADN'T EVEN GONE OUT!!!!!!! Another guy....left a voice mail on my cell because I didn't immediately return his call...."well I guess you don't want to meet....etc..." He didn't realize that I was on the phone with someone that had not been at work in 3 weeks because her mom was in the hospital not doing good at all!....Yeah you guessed it...He said he was trying to be humorous but his voice mail was anything but humorous to me so yeah you guessed it....HISTORY!

Sometimes I wish people could walk in a widow/widower shoes and see how we truly feel. We had so much going for us in our married lives and in the blink of any eye things changed forever. We start over and honestly.....it is hard. The world has changed so much since we got married and the person we were then is not the same as we are now. In some sense we are better but at the same...we are lost.

When the time is right it will be.....

[Deb Hursa]

May God fill your heart with peace! I give you my peace and my heart goes out to you. May all things be for you highest good. in love and light, Deb

[SeaRain]

mrazz, my dear, I'd like to suggest that if your late Joe is in the TBD picture with you, please change it. There comes a time when you have to let go of him and move on. Do it slowly. Dropping his picture here might be a start. Removing his picture at work could be your next goal. Move his picture from the living spaces of your home to the kids' bedrooms', so they can remember their dad, and maybe one picture in your room. This is done over a period of time.

Next, don't look for anyone. Don't join dating sites. If it is true that your children's happiness is your first concern, changing your social life will not help them, I know you are alone and probably lonely now, but I would like you to know that when you are no longer lonely is the time to reenter the social life.

A lot of guys - when they hear you are a widow, will think "oh, no sex lately, I'll have to help her with that."

Trust me, they are jerks. No more, no less.

[Aggie]

Howdy, Mrazz you have come a long way since joining TBD. I know you will find happiness some day. You have good head on your shoulder. You have two great kids and other friends that support you. I have had you as well as others in my prayers for a long time. You will find your bestfriend again someday and start another chapter in life.



Aggie hug!

[mrazz]

You are all so sweet. No the picture on here with me is my 18 year old son. I do still have a picture of Joe at work and I have his pictures on the mantle along with the flag presented to me at his funeral but when my son leaves for college in a month or so...I am going to do some changing things. My computer desk will be moved into a room and it will become my son's room when he is home but Joe's stuff will be put in there in a way that I do still pay respect to him and my life but at the same token I'm able to move forward. My picture frame at work no longer displays him continuously like it use too. I have started looking forward to the next chapter of my life. You know I guess in a way SeaRain I haven't had the guys just wanting sex. Maybe it is because I have more respect for myself and they know it.

I'm not looking.....when it is meant to be it will be....but right now...I'm just looking forward to the future.

Thanks Aggie...we need all the prayers we can get!

[Maricel Evasco]

I wonder if you (mrazz) had any successes in starting over.

 

The posts here are exactly  2 yrs ago.

[Aggie]

Last time I contacted Mrazz she was doing much better.  I still contact her during some holidays.

[TeeBubbaDee]

That's cause your'e one of the good guys.