The morning of December 28th, 2007. At 10:30am the receptionist told me my brother was here to see me. As I walked up to the lobby, I saw my entire family. I had never in my life seen their expressions in their faces. So I asked.... Is it mom?.... no they shook their heads..... ... I named a couple others and the answer was still no untill... I said, Is it My Jackie (my only daughter)... my brother said the words no parent should ever have to hear... "She's gone". My world was shattered. My only daughter at 20 yrs old was gone... My best friend would no longer be at my side. Words cannot express my pain. Even worse was that my daughters life was taken by another. It was something that could have been prevented. What kept me alive? My Grandson.. He just turned 3. He is what keeps me alive. I will continue to be the best Nana in the world to my little angel. He is the best gift i will and have ever received.
Hardest thing I ever had to do was to tell my mom that my sister died. That sucked big time. I learned that my mother did not want to hear that her daughter died. I did become different, thinking that this could happen again as I have two brothers. Yes, I would do it again but it would suck.
My oldest son was diagnoised with CF at 1 year of age . For the next 3 1/2 years I watched him slowly die every day , knowing nothing I nor medical science could do would save him . Not a day passed that I did not pray for a miracle , from God or science . I never gave up hope until the moment he passed while in my arms . That was 35 years ago and I still cry for him . I learned to never not tell someone you love that you do love them as you'll never know if they'll be gone from you in a moment . I have learned patience as well . Some things can not be rushed . Hope still lives strong in me . I am much kinder for having lost my child but less tolerant of those who use illness as an excuse for not being all they can be . I've learned that I only have the now to live it as there is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow . I've learned never to give just a little...give all or give none . I've learned that I will be hurt through loss if I love completely . I can live with that . I still choose to love completely and unconditionally . I've learned that those I love who have passed will never be far from me as long as I remember them . They live on in my heart .
Get a divorce. But anything worth having is going to be challenging. It was worth having.
To you women who chose adoption, kudos my friends. This is the ultimate act of motherhood. You put the needs of that child before your own. My sis n law cannot have kids and was able to adopt a baby a year ago and it has been tremendously successful. A heroic act for sure.