This weekend I attended brunch with some friends and family. And the subject of male urination habits came up. The women were all in agreement that men should sit to pee. I viewed this as another attempt at the pussification of the American male...and decided to take up the banner for my gender.
I made the usual arguments. I stated that even if we sit...when we are finished we still have to milk it and give it a shake to clear the last ounce from the urethra. And that a little dab with a fistful of TP will not do the job. I told them of the problems of getting older...and the "hang lows" tea bagging the toilet water. I told them that my aim was so good that I could piss through a doughnut hole at 10 paces...and still be able to eat the doughnut. But I was met with doubt.
And then my own brother admitted he sat to pee. I say pee because that's what you do when you sit. When you stand...you piss... like a man. So anyway....my own brother said he sat to piddle! He went on to give some girly man excuse that I didn't pay any attention to...as I was still trying to absorb his most recent admission.
So now "She who must be obeyed" insists that I sit to pee. So to avoid her wrath ...I have a plan. Now I piss in the sink. I'm no sitzpinkler!