funny and sometimes thought provoking quotes...

[z100]

Do you have any, maybe from movie, speech you heard, a comedian, maybe even a politican, or how about yourself??

George Carlin;

Why do we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway??

Always do whatever's next.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Bill Cosby;

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Old is always fifteen years from now

[Orianb]

My philosophy of life can be found in just two books, they have guided my life.
"Alices Adventures In Wonderland" and "To Kill A Mockingbird"

A few from each;

Alice
I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!

Eaglet
Speak English! I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and I don't believe you do either!

Alice
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

The Duchess
If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.

Alice
If it had grown up, it would have made a dreadfully ugly child; but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.

The Cat
We're all mad here.

And Harper Lee
They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions... but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11, spoken by the character Atticus


I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11, spoken by the character Atticus


She seemed glad to see me when I appeared in the kitchen, and by watching her I began to think there was some skill involved in being a girl. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 12


So it took an eight-year-old child to bring 'em to their senses.... That proves something - that a gang of wild animals can be stopped, simply because they're still human. Hmp, maybe we need a police force of children. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 16, spoken by the character Atticus


"I think I'll be a clown when I get grown," said Dill. "Yes, sir, a clown.... There ain't one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I'm gonna join the circus and laugh my head off." "You got it backwards, Dill," said Jem. "Clowns are sad, it's folks that laugh at them." "Well, I'm gonna be a new kind of clown. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks." ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 22


The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box. As you grow older, you'll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don't you forget it - whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 23, spoken by the character Atticus


I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 23, spoken by the character Scout


The sixth grade seemed to please him from the beginning: he went through a brief Egyptian Period that baffled me - he tried to walk flat a great deal, sticking one arm in front of him and one in back of him, putting one foot behind the other. He declared Egyptians walked that way; I said if they did I didn't see how they got anything done, but Jem said they accomplished more than the Americans ever did, they invented toilet paper and perpetual embalming, and asked where would we be today if they hadn't? Atticus told me to delete the adjectives and I'd have the facts. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 7


When a child asks you something, answer him, for goodness' sake. But don't make a production of it. Children are children, but they can spot an evasion quicker than adults, and evasion simply muddles 'em. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 9, spoken by the character Atticus


Bad language is a stage all children go through, and it dies with time when they learn they're not attracting attention with it. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 9, spoken by the character Atticus

[Ubu]

This is proof that I need to read To Kill a Mockingbird. I really like that last one, Orian.

[darroll]

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

[Bull]

Why do you need extra stamps on an envelope that weighs too much, Doesn't it make it weigh more?

[z100]

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.
J. Paul Getty

[Ubu]

It's easier to stay out than to get out. - Mark Twain

This one is from a dialogue in Love and Death between Woody Allen and Diane Keaton.

Keaton: "Sex without love is an empty experience."
Allen: "But as empty experiences go...It's one of the best."

[P.A.]

"You do not need a sledge hammer to kill a fly"
Patrick Henry

[TeeBubbaDee]

It is easy to go down into Hell...; but to climb back up again, to retrace ones steps to the upper air... there's the rub.
Virgil, Aeneid

[TeeBubbaDee]

OK, thats ones not really funny, how about... If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

[stillgoing]

"Its not how much truth you know, its how much truth you can stand." Friedrich Nietzsche

Sorry not funny.

[funesthememorious]

"You will never get the crowd to cry Hosanna until you ride into town on an ass." Friedrich Nietzsche

[larry kremis]

In reference to physical training. Pain is weakness leaving the body.


USMC