TBD on Ning

As often happens, I find myself in the middle. there is currently a discussion going on about what is appropriate to post in the FORUM. This discussions is being carried on by many of my good friends. At this time it is still pretty civil. But I can see where there are probably some hurt feelings and it might esculate to a level that we as a group probably do not want to see. I have looked at the community guidelines and can not determine what the purpose of the FORUM might be.
Are there any guidelines for the forum? I can't find any posted.
The dictionary definition of Forum: A meeting or opportunity for exchanging views. That could mean that anything goes. If that is the correct interpretation, maybe a content warning should be posted. Kind of like the sex threads. I'm pretty liberal about most things, especially free speech, but I do think it is a good idea to let others know what area they might be wandering into. I've posted things that I am sure others would find offensive, but I hope that I have given warning about what might be contained.

What do you think about this subject?

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Tina - someone just pointed out in a PM to me that you are accusing me of deleting posts or changing contents. You write : " I believe it was you in fact who actually removed some of your own comments, and to whom, would it have been me? I do believe it was! Yet now we can't prove that can we?"

Tina - I repeat. This is insane. I have NEVER done any such thing! EVER! Nor can I here unless I myself start the discussion!!! Please stop focusing on me. Please stop quoting me. Please stop attacking me. Please stop accusing me. You started this - please please please stop!

NOW. I am beginning to see that when I wrote about those who act the perpetual victim(s), you clearly identified with this. . Again - I was referring to a Type of personality here on TBD. You have made it abundantly clear that you took my words personally.

So be it. Accuse me of victimizing you if it makes you happy. I've taken worse guff from better people. I'm outta here. I've made my suggestions. I have better places to visit.

Sorry Robbie. Pru. I don't see how we will ever come to any collective agreement when there is one party who is so intractable and relentlessly accusatory (not just to me, but to Chuck, Robbie, and anyone else that disagrees or questions her posts) as to make civilized discussion about those who are upset versus those who are not and why - viable.
Just to let you know I'm glad you are still with us and that you are one of the primary reasons I lasted here. If you feel like a disservice has been done, I think you have the right to voice it. I appreciate your candor. When certain groups are feeling marginalized, it is critical to have a "voice." It does the social network good to hear some grievances...hopefully we can improve and evolve. I know that one great shortcoming of most online virtual communities, is that they do tend to get "cliquish," but that is not necessarily bad if they aren't denigrating others or applying cyber bully tactics. Strong friendships are formed this way. I don't think the issue of cyber bullying/harassment will ever go away, but it is good to be made aware that it exists even in our community.

(if it gets worse for you Tina, you are welcome to join me at http://www.happyhacker.org/ - hahahahhahaha j/king)
Maricel, I too appreciate civil discourse. But if you have taken the time to read ALL of Tina's posts in this forum, you will note that she seems to be breaking her own rules by casting dispersions and quoting other people's words (my own included) without acknowledgement or the civility she claims she is due. She has deliberately used several of my terms used today to drive her point home that she is a victim!

This is insane!!! I was not referring to her, or anyone else specifically. It is a personality "type" here on TBD. As Tina seems to identify with this "type" by quoting my words exactly, I take umbrage and state once again - Tina - it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU . . . and PLEASE stop twisting my words to your advantage!!!
There seems to be a lot of wailing and whining, hand wringing and finger pointing around here, and it seems to have surfaced over the past couple of days, coinciding with the technical problems with Ning.

The exodus of the great wordsmiths and storytellers, satirists, essayists and poets started well before the plug was pulled on TBD1. Where did they go? Why did they leave, I don't know. I have no answers. I don't dwell on it, I accept it and I don't lose any sleep over what's happened to a site that has been provided to us as a "landing strip". The active membership here seems very small in number...perhaps familiarity indeed does breed contempt.

A lot of this stuff being posted right now should probably be done by way of PMs.

Now I'm going to reflect a little on my nephew, who has just been deployed to Haiti. That to me is important. All this bickering isn't very important, in the grand scheme of things.

Nite all.
It does seem to me that the general bickering, intolerance and name calling that is pervading our overall society has started to take its toll on this site. I know that I often have to back off and think about some of the posts before I respond. I am as capable of flame throwing as anyone else, as some of you can testify. But even though it doesn't feel as good sometimes, it is always better to think carefully about what you say and try to get your point across without resorting to overt insults. Since we are dealing only with words and pictures, the oposition will always be able to make a retort.
Tina, You make an awful lot of accusations. I see nothing in your post to back up those accusations. The first time I became aware that you existed was when you posted over a page of ranting and blasting me over a statement that I made which you completly misinterpreted. I used the term "Flaming" in the context of the early chat rooms. You interpreted it to be a derogatory term applying to homosexuals. I was caught totally unaware of what you were talking about for most of your post. I did not flame back at you. I tried to explain what I had meant by using that term. I thought we had settled our diferences. If not, could you possibly explain what you find so offensive about my conduct on tbd? If you are so convinced that those of us who have been long time members of tbd are so corrupt and mean spirited, why do you keep coming back? I am trying to get some positive input about how to stop the downward spiral and make tbd a place we can all enjoy. I fail to see how lambasting Robin and the moderators in the way you have can do anything positive for the site. Do you have any positive suggestions.
You may not be able to reproduce deleted content, Tina, but there are those of us who remember it. Very well. You are quite correct that some were allowed to speak while others were not and many threads and blogs have disappeared very quickly here on the new site. On TBD 1 when there was so much bashing of you going on while you were so ill I tried to speak the truth, which was exactly as you had said. I am not the only one who tried. We were shut down and told not to speak further. The only decent explanation of what happened had to be 'approved' and it never was, so it ended up in a scrapbook instead of the front page where all the speculation was. Perhaps a few people saw it but it was pretty hard to find and TBD1 closed shortly afterwards. Then when the same problem that was never resolved on TBD1 reared its ugly head here at this site I tried to speak again. I responded to the 'bully' thread and several others that you name. Entire threads and blogs were closed and then deleted before I could respond to other posters again. The blogs and threads I posted on were not deleted by Diana, but by others who are silent about it now. This is what amazes me the most. Many innocent people are taking offense for no reason, simply because they never had the opportunity to find out the truth and have no idea what has happened. Meanwhile, I keep seeing posts by the same people who slandered you before who act so innocently now. There are those of us who do remember how the whole mess got started. There are so many really wonderful people here, but some of the best have left, exactly as you said. Sad that it was because of a few 'bad eggs'. I received many messages from people who left and across the board it was negativity and personal attacks that caused them to leave. I had hopes that the rules would be enforced equally for all but that did not happen. At this point, after such lack of communication, I don't know what can be done without it. I just hope you can find some peace, and know that many people have never doubted you and remain outraged by what happened to you and the manner in which it was handled. Without open and honest communication allowed, we have nothing but speculation and gossip left on this site. At least I know that some of us tried mightily to come to your defense. I have never felt the same about TBD since my right to speak freely was taken away. Before this happened to you, me, and others, I really enjoyed coming here. Now, I do not come here nearly as often. I do hope this issue can be resolved; it has been going on for far too long and it didn't have to be this way. Honest communication is a wonderful thing. Peace to All ~ Golanv
Wow....I just read some of the posts on this thread...not all, not going to read all....my attention span ain't that long. Besides I've got a Stephen King book to read, but this kinda reminds me of the sandbox back in the first grade. Just sayin'.......

The world is not going to bend to your whim just because you don't like what somebody did or did not do, say or did not say, post or did not post. If you choose to live in your sanitary bubble, that's your decision. STOP TRYING TO MOLD OUR SITE TO YOUR PERCEPTION OF WHAT IS GOOD AND DECENT. You have a choice. You can choose to enter into a discussion or forum or can choose not to do so.
You may also start your own discussion or forum as this site offers one the opportunity to do just that. We are not robots, we are human beings and with that knowledge comes the wisdom and understanding that we as human beings are imperfect and we make mistakes. We also live in a society that values liberty over subjugation. That having been said, the next time anybody anywhere says or does something that you find offensive....
I do believe that we are getting around to a civil discussion about what should be posted and how. A few things have been pointed out that go to the heart of the matter.

1. No one who participates in the discussions taking place owns the site. Therefore there is no ultimate authority.
2. Possibly the moderators should first send PMs to members who they feel are out of line. Then if exception is taken, bring it to a general discussion. That way their would be a behind the scenes discussion first and no one would be blindsided and respond before having time to think about it.

3. The front page and its contents have been refered to more than once. Someone does have ultimate control of what is on the front page. Maybe a revision of the front page is in order.

4. It has been proposed that Groups might be a workable solution. Maybe we need a very small committee to write new guidelines for establishment and maintenance of groups.
That was so "right on the money" TSD. We could all use more friends like you. I hope you accept my friends' request.
Thank you Larry. I appreciate your act of friendship on his behalf. TSD is hardly the most PC of people here on TBD. He has an excellent built in "bullSh*t" detector IRL (too) and has been known not to mince words. We have this in common. There is not a "wimp" bone in that man's body ! But he knows I love TBD, he likes it here too, and he and I both think that if we all attempt to "sanitize" it we will lose the quirkiness and edge that it has, which often makes it fun. It can never be what it once was, but what it once was and what it is now - is not that different, because the core personalities of TBD Prime is still pretty much the core of TBD Ning.

There are people here who are always "the victim", regardless of the nature of their own posts (often incredibly sanctimonious and pious ) that are passively aggressive in nature. The ones who constantly blanket every discussion with their "peace light and prayer for you poor benighted people" are the ones who whinge and whine the most about how their delicate sensibilities have been offended in Group and Forum discussions - that are contentious by the very nature of the topic! These are groups and forums that the pious victims should avoid, because their remonstrations of how badly everyone is behaving just further fuels the flames - by virtue of the sanctimonious insincerity of their admonishments.

I for one could indeed do without seeing blatant photographic pornography on the front page, there has been quite a lot of that lately. People seem to think that as they upload personal pictures for their albums, everyone needs to see them too - regardless of content.

As for the "beautiful thread " - yes some of it is in bad taste, some of it is fine. It's a peculiar thread, and quite masculine in its nature - so I just see it as rather adolescent - boys will be boys as it were. However if enough members feel it's offensive, then the moderators will (one hopes) take action. We have guidelines. I just don't see them being enforced very often.




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