DO YOU HAVE A SHADOW HATER ON HERE?

[Grace Linda]

I have noticed a couple of women on here that like to follow me around and nah say or insult me. I wonder what their problem is? Get a life.

[LyndaAndLab]

It would be helpful if a) Community Guidelines responded to someone who contacts them b)and they checked into the situation c) if Robin would respond at all.

In my case, the rules on the Community Guidelines site were displayed, and I could point out the ones that were broken. But I was never given the opportunity. No one spoke to me directly before they eventually went to sit in on a discussion in progress. I had not been active for pages, but lies about me were being brought up on almost every page. That was not addressed. It looked like 2 of the members that carried weight with CG had been actively participating with the discussions themselves.

All is not true and fair my friends on the Internet or in politics. Alas!

Grace Linda, You would be helping so many of us who aren't as strong if you helped us address this issue. Thank you for letting us know it still exists; please help to discourage it in a way that others won't be tempted to stalk or talk out of aggression again. Many of us are not healthy, which is why we spend so much time on TBD. I wound up very sick after my incident, and am still having to attend to those repercussions.

Lynda

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

I will have to second this comment from MMaria in spades. Those of us who have had the privilege of "working" with the people who are volunteering their valuable time and expertise here on tbd.ning - know that they work TOGETHER to reach a balanced and fair consensus when there is a truly difficult problem to hand.

There has yet to be anyone here on tbd - either tbd 1 or tbd 2 - who has not had a bad moment, been misunderstood, and who has not got it all wrong. Post frequently - participate, have opinions, and at some point something will go amiss. Sometimes it can be fixed, and sometimes not. That's life in the big city - as the saying goes.

Play time in a social network milieu requires a thick skin. It is not for the faint of heart. Those who relentlessly "blanket' others with "love" and "happy thoughts" and what not can be quite dangerous and duplicitous. Those who are simple and direct don't mince words, and because they don't pander - are thought to be harsh and unkind. And there are all sorts of other "types' . As the saying goes - it takes all kinds.

Stand your ground Grace Linda. Fight your own battles until you have no choice but to complain. Block those who annoy you. Cherish those who have your back. As for the rest - well we all come and go - so try and take it all with a gain of salt, and don't forget to LAUGH! /;-D

Often times what we find most upsetting, is something we ourselves should not have done. A case of excessive hubris. We are all guilty of this from time to time. Which is why I say to myself before every daily meditation - *mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa. And I mean it.

*Latin: meaning - " it's my fault '

[larry kremis]

I've noticed that Dazzling. there are some who relentlessly "blanket" others with "love" and "happy thoughts" and what not. Love and happy thoughts aren't on my mind 24/7. I thought I must be all alone in my thinking. Thanks for making me realize that life isn't all "love" and "happy thoughts" for everybody.

[larry kremis]

I've also noticed that these duplicitous posts of love and happy thoughts are often followed by hatred and disgust from the very same posters. This leads me to believe that the "love and happy thoughts" posts are just a cover-up for a vile and evil black heart. Just my opinion of course.

[Tina]

This is surely sad, am I to understand that to show love and kindness is a problem for people? Yes that is sad. And if someone is sending happy, kind loving thought's your way and you do not care for them Cindy, Larry or anyone, they can be blocked for your personal mail anyway.

I do not believe a saying of kindness or love or a positive word of encouragement is yet considered to be an offense to the general public Larry. I sincerely apologize for the good morning I put on your board. I think that was several weeks ago, I could be mistaken. Please do remove it, I would never wish to offend you Larry, Why you were my first male TBD friend. I simply wanted to say hello was all. I will not repeat that now that I know that you do not care for friendly or loving gestures. I admit, I apologize and I am still right here.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Catnip - there are those who do so as one's friend, (who drop by with caring and thoughtful and fun comments :) and there are those who do so even though they are not one's friend !!! I personally intensely dislike multiples of "happy lovey dovey" comments showing up in my comment box from people who are NOT on my friends list. (And I might add - they never will be.) I find it intrusive, coy and - dare I say it - possibly quite sly.

Larry is singing from my hymn sheet here I suspect - why would a "stranger" intrude into one's space with unwarranted "goodie two shoes" cant? I don't get it. But then - I've been deemed to be rather unevolved . . . so that must be it! /;->

[Tina]

Yes Maria, I have found that Vernon and Jacquin were able to help on one Q&A and I deeply appreciated that. It would have to be if people would just have their fun. I wasn't bothering anyone. This is the problem for me anyway, Why do these things have to be started in the first place. No one will feel safe however if those who are signed on to help are any part of this insulting and or attacking even in a sneaky way, right? So it's good that there are several if it gets that serious. We are all just people right? Thank you for that information Maria

[larry kremis]

It's real easy to be misunderstood here Joni, it's happened to all of us. There are 2 ways to be misunderstood, either the response wasn't worded exactly right (which is usually my problem) or the response was read incorrectly.

I reread trr's comments thinking I may have missed something. I didn't miss a damned thing. She was clear and to the point and made a hell of a lot of sense. Maybe too much common sense goes over the heads of some people. Maybe some people are so self-absorbed that they are unable to see another's opinion. Maybe some people are preconceived to read negativity into others' posts when there is no negativity to be found.

[Jo Lewis]

Let me start off by saying I have no dog in this fight. I was asked by a friend to join this discussion and put my two cents worth in. For what it's worth, here goes. I do not know LindaGrace, nor any of you, save for one, and have not read any of her/your writings, so to that I cannot comment. I have gleaned from this discussion that she is a strong woman that speaks her mind and pulls no punches. I give her props for that. If, however, as trr has stated, she is aggressive (my condensation of the statements made) at times in her comments, then she must live by the saying,"if you can dish it out then you have to be able to take it."
Krisit, I can see where trr might take offense to your comment, I myself could've taken offense, but I chose not to. I think it was a knee-jerk reaction to a sensitive and painful subject. You may have meant it as a flip comment or insult, but until you tell me otherwise, I choose to believe it was not. That's my choice.
However, I am an extremely middle of the road person on most issues, save for my faith. I am more to the right, conservative republican and a Christian - a horror to some.:-) Do I hide behind that and speak as a mouse trying to please all sides and not disagree with others just for the sake of getting along! Absolutely not - ask ANYONE who knows me. I never temper my opinions, only my words. My dearest friendship from the old TBD and here and now joyfully my personal life, leans more to the left, more liberal, democratic, Progressive Christian. I try to glean the best from both sides and work with that. Just as I do with my real life friends that are Muslims, Shintoists, Atheists, Fundamentalists, Gays, Straight and everything in between. We come to these sites to discuss and learn from others different than ourselves. There are times when she and I fervently disagree with one another, but we have always tried to maintain respect and practice what we refer to as gentle speak. I practice tempered responses and thank God for the "edit" button. We all need to use it and often.
Many people have been hurt on the old tbd and left for that reason. I was never "attacked" per say except by one person but she attacked almost everyone and I chose to just blow it off and avoid her. Rational discussions with her never proved fruitful. While I was hurt a few times, I chose to leave because so many were being hurt and generally unreasonably so. It became, for many, an ugly place to be. I pray that doesn't happen here. That it what MySpace is for. };->
I have said this time and again: Respond not react. Chew the issue over as I have done here and don't be in such a rush to post that are fingers are moved by our emotions instead of our brains.It is not just enough to say "play nice, speak respectfully," then when we are "pushed too far" react angrily with angry words; it only drops us to the level of the person doing the "pushing."
I'm sure if I asked each one of you if you believe in/admire Christ, Ghandi, Dali Lhama, Mother Teresa and many others, most of you would probably say, "Yes, of course!" NONE of these people have ever returned violence for violence, anger for anger. I ask you to imagine a conversation with these people in which you would try to argue, "but she/he pushed me just too far. I have a right to stand up and fight back." You do have that "right" but better than that, you have a "choice." If after rational, gentle speak, you cannot make an impact on a person doing the "pushing" simply move aside and continue down your path - there are plenty of us out here willing to speak with you. I have heard many people say, and I believe it is a human condition, "I have so many people that love me, but it is that ONE that doesn't, even hates me, that I am most consumed with sometimes to the exclusion of all others!"
No one can have the power to control you unless you willingly give it to them. No one. This is what bullies and haters count on. Do not give them the reaction they are counting on. Respond in gentle speak. If that doesn't work, ignore them, usually they go away. It is not your or my job to turn every one we meet get our point and be "good." If you choose not to block or even ignore these people and their comments, "I just have to look and see what they are saying about me!" then you, my friends, are throwing the fuel on the fire yourselves.
Kahlil Gibran once said, "I have found that every problem I have ever had with another has come from some smallness within myself."
Peace and Love,
Jo
P.S. Robin is neither our parent nor God. She is a respecter of free speech and will more than likely advise you that the other person has a right to speak their mind, too; grow thicker skin; don't take every thing so personally and try to understand the other persons point of view; or move on." Pretty sound advice, I know as she gave it to me two years ago when I first went online and started chatting. She assumes we are all grown ups and will behave as such. If the issue becomes serious enough and clearly violates the terms of the site, then and only then, will she take action.

[Tina]

Jo, You surely have a way with words and also a very non judgmental way of wording your words. I have stated my thought's on the original subject and my apologies to Trr for causing her to feel I was attacking her. As to your response, So much of it makes so much sense on many levels.

The only thing I can share, From my own experience is that the TBD guidelines are not always followed and they have not always held true for all TBD members. This was what I was actually addressing, on the headline of this thread. Yes as I have posted now twice on this thread, if everyone of the "adults" here is playing by the same common rules than it works.

If and when a mistake is made an apology does it for me, perhaps not for others. Needless to say, I think that everyone should have a wonderful day and hopefully those who wish to, such as myself can continue to learn and grow from each situation.

[Jo Lewis]

Tina, from what I've come to know of your spirit, you are the last person I would ever accuse of "attacking" any one. It just is not in you. At All! I'm sure trr sees that.
Thank you for your kind words.
Peace and Love,
Jo

[Jo Lewis]

GraceLinda: My sincerest apologies for switching your name around. No disrespect intended.
Peace,
Jo