TBD on Ning
What? Politics is Funny?
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Permalink Reply by Aggie on
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WOMAN SHOT IN THE HEAD
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of Arkansas, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby super-market to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the car running and the windows rolled up. Her eyes closed with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay; Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour (at least it seemed that way to her, it actually had been 15 minutes, she blamed the inability to tell time on her head injury).
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to move her hands.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. From the back seat a biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is blonde, a Democrat, and a Biden supporter; but that could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and it was determined to be Trump's fault.
~~ If you read all of this you have been cooped up in your house to long. You need to get some sunshine.
If you liked this have a laugh with your friends. ~
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TSA is hiring dentists into Supervisor positions. They are needed to perform cavity searches.
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It seems that Trump's tariffs are so effective even the Pope is made in the USA.
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Ireland is hitting America with a 250% tariff until America takes Rosie O’Donnell back.
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"If you don't think GOD has a sense of humor turn and look at the person sitting next to you." Jerry Clower
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Just in case ya didn't know...
Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin 's winters.
Minnesota gets it's name from the Sioux Indian word "mah-nee-soo-tah," meaning, "No, really... They eat fish soaked in lye."
The state song of Minnesota is "Someday the Vikings will... Aw, never mind."
The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.
Madison, Minnesota is known as "the lutefisk capital of the world." Avoid this city at all costs.
"The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was set in Minneapolis , Minnesota , and was Mary's first real acting job since leaving the "Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman's struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled "Life Without Dick," but that was changed for some reason.
Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks, allowing people to live, work, eat, and sleep without ever going outside. The only downside to this is that a Norwegian occasionally turns up missing.
Cartoonist Charles M. Shultz was born in Minneapolis , Minnesota and grew up in St. Paul. He was the only artist to accurately depict the perfectly circular heads of Minnesota natives.
The Hormel Company of Austin , Minnesota produces 6 million cans of Spam a year, even though no one actually eats it. Spam is a prized food in Japan & Hawaii--Spam sushi!!
Minnesota license plates are blue & white and contain the phrase "Blizzards on the 4th of July - you get used to it."
Frank C. Mars, founder of the Mars Candy Co. was born in Newport, Minnesota . His 3 Musketeers candy bar originally contained three bars in one wrapper, each filled with a different flavor of nougat -chocolate, Spam and lutefisk.
Tonka trucks continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka, Minnesota, despite the thousands of GI Joe dolls killed by them annually in rollover accidents. No airbags, no seat belts. These things are deathtraps, I tell ya!
Author Laura Ingalls Wilder was raised at Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and was famous for writing the "Little House" series of books, as well as inventing the "Spam diet" which consists of looking at a plate of Spam until you lose your appetite. Much like the "lutefisk diet"
The snowmobile was invented in Roseau , Minnesota so as to allow families a means of attending 4th of July picnics
Minnesotans are almost indistinguishable from Wisconsinites. The only way to tell them apart is to ask if they voted for Mondale in '84.
Now... it's up to you to forward this to all your friends If one of them does not forward it to others, he/she will be given an entrance pin to attend the Eelpout Festival in Walker, MN....in February --
Cold is a relative thing ya know....
At 65 degrees, Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.
At 60, Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Minnesota sunbathe.
At 50, Italian & English cars won't start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..
At 40, Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
At 35, New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
At 20, People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close their windows.
At 0, Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.
At 10 below zero, Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
At 20 below, Washington DC runs out of hot air. (Ya think? Nah.). People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.
At 30 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.
At 40 below, ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya, eh?"
At 50 below, heck freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
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An old cowboy wandered into a Starbucks one afternoon, ordered himself a black coffee, and settled into a corner seat. He leaned back, tipped his hat up, and took a slow, contented sip.
Before long, a young woman sat beside him and asked, “Excuse me, sir—are you a real cowboy?”
The old man thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I reckon so. I’ve spent my whole life ridin’ horses, herdin’ cattle, mendin’ fences, brandin’ calves, sleepin’ out under the stars, and workin’ the land. So yeah, I suppose you could call me a cowboy.”
The young woman smiled and said, “I’m a lesbian. Pretty much all I ever think about is women—when I wake up, when I shower, when I eat, when I work... it’s always women on my mind.”
The cowboy gave a respectful nod, and they both went back to their drinks.
A little while later, another man came in, took the seat on the cowboy’s other side, and asked, “So, are you a real cowboy?”
The old man paused, stared into his coffee, and said, “Well... I always thought I was. But after today... I think I might actually be a lesbian."
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