Texas Humor

[CWO3ROBBIE]

The following is typical Texas Humor.

for some reason, I can not get things to post here. The humor is in the first comment.

 

 

 

[Aggie]

One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, "Texas A & M."

[Aggie]

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big departmentstore looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After thestore was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.How much was the sale for?"
Kid says, "$101,237.64."
Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

[Aggie]

A state surveyor visits a farm on the Texas-Oklahoma state line.

He tells the old farmer that it's been discovered that his farm may actually be in Oklahoma, and not Texas.

After several days of surveying, checking and rechecking, the surveyor tells the old farmer "Yep, I was right, your farm is in Oklahoma, not Texas."

"Good thing," says the old farmer, "Couldn't take another one of those Texas summers."

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

A Texan is drinking in an Arizona bar when he gets a call on his phone. As he listens, he starts grinning from ear to ear. When he hangs up, he shouts to the bartender,
"Drinks on me! Everyone gets one!"
The bartender starts pouring, and the crowd gathers, eager to hear the good news.
"Well," the Texan says proudly, "My wife just gave birth to a typical Texas baby boy—25 pounds!"
Gasps ripple through the bar. No one can believe a baby could weigh that much. The Texan just shrugs and says,
"That’s about average in Texas. Like I said, he’s a typical Texas boy."
People cheer, one woman faints from the thought, and shouts of
“NO WAY!” and “UNBELIEVABLE!” fill the room.
Two weeks later, the Texan walks back into the same bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, you’re the guy with the 25-pound Texas baby, right? We've all been betting on how big he’d be by now. So—what’s he weigh?"
The proud dad takes a slow sip of his beer, wipes his mouth on his sleeve, leans on the bar and says:
"21 pounds."
The bartender looks puzzled. "Wait—he was 25 pounds at birth. What happened?"
The Texan grins.
"We had him circumcised!"