TBD on Ning
What? Politics is Funny?
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Permalink Reply by Aggie on
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I Used To Be A Normal Person …….
I used to think I was pretty much just a regular person, but I was born white, into a two-parent household which now, whether I like it or not, makes me privileged, a racist, and responsible for slavery.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan, budget, and support myself.
I went to Grammar School and have always held a job. But I now find out that I am not here because I earned it, but because I was "advantaged".
I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.
I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.
I am older than 65, making me a useless eater who doesn't understand Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat.
I think, and I reason, and I doubt most of what the ‘mainstream’ media tells me, which makes me a Right-wing conspiracy nut.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive culture, making me a xenophobe.
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair reward according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.
I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.
I believe in the defense and protection of my nation for and by all citizens, now making me a militant.
I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, and the many who died to letit fly, so I stand during our National Anthem - so I must be a racist.
Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!
Funny - it all took place over the last 7 or 8 years!
If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which toilet to use... and these days I gotta go more frequently!
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A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."
The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
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