What? Politics is Funny?

[EddieDingo]

Whether you support this guy:

Or this one:

Can we keep it fun?

[Snagg]

Seriously, darroll...Would you take a dead-end job, A JOB WHICH PAYS NO BENEFITS OR EVEN A LIVING WAGE, for the rest of your life, one that takes up all your time and thus preventing you from looking for a better job - Even A CAREER for which you MADE THE FUCKING EFFORT AND PAID THE EXORBITANT COST OF GOING TO SCHOOL, only to watch all of the good jobs get SHIPPED OVERSEAS BY THE COMPANIES the way that FUCKING ASSHOLES LIKE YOU encourage them to do, just so cheap winos such as yourself can pay 13 cents less for the latest Donald Trump-shaped vibrating butt-plug that you shove up your ass every night ?

Really, darroll - Why would any human being with a shred of respect dance to the self-destructive tune that a do-nothing, entitled, spoiled, white-trash prick like you plays ? What the fuck have you ever accomplished in your roadkill-fucking life, that a single solitary human being should even give your whiny bullshit the time of day ?

Who the fuck are you, other than another welfare-sucking, porn-addicted, fat hillbilly bigot who hates those who actually want to make something of their lives ?

Is that all it is ? You hate people with actual educations and decency and ambition, people who you know will tear the USA and the rest of the world away from the greedy shithooks of selfish lazy cowards such as yourself ? People who will make the world a livable place, except for the trash like you who have written all the rules so that you can get away with doing nothing your entire worthless life other than ripping off everybody else ?

If the world is so fucked up, darroll, then why do you even bother to go living in it ? YOU sure as fuck aren't lifting a finger to improve it - You just sit on your drunk ass and bitch about the people who are actually trying to make it a better place.

Why DO you hate those people so much ? What kind of corrupt little sweet deal have you cooked up for yourself, that other honest people earning a decent living would ruin it for you ?

You worthless cunt. You lazy, selfish chunk of dog vomit. You ignorant, loud-mouthed, pussy-assed piece of bigoted pigshit. If the world's so hopeless, darroll, then exactly why don't you kill your useless ass ? You're not making it any better for anybody, including yourself, so why go on ? Why don't you end your miserable existence ? What is an angry, drunken little nobody like you living for ?

I know why. You're too chickenshit to pull the trigger, that's why. You hate everybody else, because everybody who knows you knows what a pathetic, empty little coward you are.

You're nothing. You're a stain on the human race. A weed that walks. A pointless race of resources. The piss from the cheap swill you suck down is worth more than you, and you fucking know it. Just too fucking gutless to make the world even a tiny, microscopic bit better by simply laying down on the railroad tracks and waiting for the next express.

You just suck at being a person, darroll. Your life doesn't mean anything, and you blame everybody else for it. Your arrogance is the only thing that's keeping you alive, I think - The same brainless evolutionary drive that makes a leech or a dysentery microbe think that they've got life by the balls, is all that keeps you from sticking your head in an oven.  What a vain, useless little coward you are. Like any other germ, you may literally be too stupid to realize how worthless you are.

[darroll]

I can't even read your whole post.

I started out cleaning our chicken poop at an egg farm.

I knew that I was going to have to get an education and some work experience to move up.

You always accuse me of hating people, I just dislike the losers and moochers.

Jobs don't just leave this country, the CEO's are ran off so they take their business with them.

You and all liberals won't listen to what it takes to amount to something.

Keep thinking how being north Cuba is going to give the peasants a better life.

As long as you and yours has tattoos and a bad attitude, no one will give you a decent job. That's the reason for affirmative action. The people that use affirmative action are still janitors with a big title. Read what Charles Manson said about our leadership. Make sure you ignore it though.

I got screwed until I unscrewed myself.

[Snagg]

You're a self-pitying liar, darroll. Your only "solution" to anything is for you to pretend it's okay for you to screw everybody else, but anybody who treats you the same way you want to treat them is a "liberal" or a "traitor".

 In fact, whenever you lie and fuck up and we catch you doing it red-handed (like right now), all you ever do is keep trying to lie your way out of it - Or blame us for catching you lying your drunk ass off. Shit, you even think that makes you the moral equal of George fucking Washington.

And spare us your working class hero bullshit - I worked my ass off for 35 years on a loading dock, handling over a million pounds of freight and material by hand, per year - Only to have a complete asshole of a billionaire republican - Whose asshole you'd love to lick, no doubt - attempt to fuck me and all the other employees out of our entire benefits package, and is still trying to chop our pension in half, just so that he can give his other billionaire buddies even more tax breaks.

I don't have a tattoo, and you're the only motherfucker around here with an "attitude" - Namely a whiny little hillbilly bitch who would rather die than see somebody else get what they've earned - Not while you can still pretend that poor unappreciated you has some sort of right to steal it from them.

You selfish, privileged little scumbag. You've had it easy for decades, simply by letting other people fuck over people who don't have the same skin color as you - And now you blame them for finally taking what's rightfully theirs from your lazy thieving ass. You're exactly the kind of worthless little cocksucker that gives white people like me and Bubba a bad name, darroll, and you hate us just because we know that it's your fault, and not the other folks you've stolen from for so long.

Fuck you, you selfish fucking crybaby. How about you keep crying, until mommy comes and yells at me. You selfish, spoiled, stupid fucking brat.

[darroll]

We liked our Union. They took care of petty stuff.

 

They did not demand anything that would put the company at risk.

 

Company wealth is not measured in who gets their pockets filled with money, our profits went back to the stockholders.

 

We used to tell our employees that if they did not like their wages, buy our company stock.

 

Workers are not too bright though. We told our employees that if they bought one share of stock, the company would buy one for them for free. You know what happened.

 

They yelled that they were being screwed. About a handful of employees bought all the stock and retired rich a few years later. Management could not be part of the offer. The liberal government oke-d the deal. (IRS) Another time management beat up their employees.

[Shadowman]

[funesthememorious]

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

I hope the President did not see his shadow today.

[Shadowman]

[flippr 2.0]

[Aggie]

Butch the Rooster

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred
young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached
them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could
tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit
on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to
the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but,
this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she
went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming,
would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to
the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he
became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell
Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most
coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the
unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention?

No matter which "side of the road" you're on, vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.

[Aggie]

Cows & Politics Explained

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.