WHAT'S THAT YOU ALMOST SAID?

[Mark Joel Lane]

     I have a cousin named  Jillian who has had  to deal with an  embarrassing problem her whole life, from her childhood school years and even now as a married mother of three. She stutters.  Her parents, Jacob and Joanne Jansen from New York belong to organizations such as the National Stuttering Association (NSA) and the American -Speech-Language-Hearing-Association (A-S-L-H-A). That's quite a mouthful. Speaking of mouthfuls, Jillian takes about 3 hours to eat a bowl of alphabet soup. 
 
     Jillian's parents have tried their best to help Jillian by  sending her to private schools that specialize with children that have speech problems. The schools, quite aptly are in Ho-Ho-Kus,NJ,and  Mamaroneck in Westchester County, NY.  My cousin Jillian Jan Jansen prefers to be called Jill or Triple "J".
 
     I felt very bad for her at her middle school graduation . She was the valedictorian and had to give a speech. Her parents, school staff, and principal all assisted her in writing it to help keep it concise.   Anyway, her speech took her over 10 hours !!!!  Almost everyone fell asleep after a few hours, and everyone eventually left,even Jillian's parents, before her speech was over.  When Jillian finally finished her speech, the only person left in the auditorium was the school custodian, and he was there to shut off the lights.
 
     Growing up, classmates of Jillian made fun of her because she couldn't pronounce names without stuttering and stammering like Wawa or Lady Gaga or Bye Bye Birdie.  I know it was cruel when  students laughed at her because 
 she had an eye infection and couldn't say, conjuga, cojunga, conjaconja, conconconju,   Pink Eye.
 
     What causes Jillian's stuttering, no one knows.  Speech pathologists feel it might be a genetic disorder, or perhaps some traumatic experience as a toddler or just a life event that triggered the stuttering.  People who don't know Jillian get exasperated and impatient   when she talks  as she  sounds like a broken record uttering the same sounds over and over again. 
 
But whatever the reason behind Jillian's speech impediment,  she has always strived to do her best, married a wonderful man who didn't marry her for how she talks, but instead for her looks. .She has overcome many obstacles in her career and achieved her goal working as a spokesperson for Peter Pan Purified Peanut Butter. 
 
     I can sympathize and relate to my cousin's embarrassment. I have a urological condition.  You see , I pee  the way Jillian speaks. If I need to urinate during the intermission of a concert or show, I usually miss the second half.  

[CaliforniaNow]

Politically correct?  No.  Funny?  Yesss!  Hey, we all ain't perfect.  Let us get over it.  Glad to see you back on the happy wagon.

[darroll]

Funny.

If we all went PC, we would have nothing to say.

Ok..... Text me but don't s-t-u-t-t-e-r