It Started Out Great

[Wayne Goodwin]

> FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: Everyone
> RE: Christmas Party
> DATE: December 1
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
>place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open
>Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band
>playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
>surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
>
> ***********
>FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
>DATE: December 2
>RE: Christmas Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We
>recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with
>Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
>calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who
are
>celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?
>
> ***********
> FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
> DATE: December 3
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
>requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
>accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
>Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
> How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
>
> ***********
> FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
> DATE: December 7
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
>Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking, and sex
during
>daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
>luncheon this time of year does does not accomodate our Muslim employees
>beliefs.
>
>Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party
>- the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for
>take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?
>
>Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest
>from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
>restrooms. Did I miss anything?
>
> ***********
> FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
> DATE: December 8
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a
>tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning
of
>sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to
>accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.
Okay???
>
> ***********
> FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
> DATE: December 9
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up
>like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan,"
>there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a
>tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the
>Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten
up?
>
> ***********
>FROM: Bob Lewis, Human Resources Director
>DATE: December 10
>RE: Holiday Party
>
> Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
>party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can
sit
>quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly
>put it, and you'll get your
> #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes..
>But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice
them.
>I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now!
>
> ***********
> FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
> DATE: December 14
> RE: Bob Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Bob Lewis a speedy recovery
from
>his stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to him
at
>the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday
>party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

[Wayne Goodwin]

Glad you got a good laugh out of it , Merry Christmas to you and family . Especially your grand son , he is so special....

[Wayne Goodwin]

Thanks Chief , Merry Christmas to you also . In fact Mery Christmas to all the people that celebrate ...