Sexual Harassment

[Wayne Goodwin]

Wife weighs charging spouse with harassment

Dear Abby: Can you be sexually harassed/abused by your spouse? My hus­band talks dirty to me and grabs at my breasts. I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he doesn’t listen and continues to do it. We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I couldn’t care less about being intimate.

His behavior disgusts me, and to be honest, I don’t want to have sex with him. I have female problems and have told him it hurts, but it makes no difference to him. He touches me in front of the kids, and I have to slap his hand away. I can’t leave him because I don’t have a car or income for my­self, nor do I have family or friends close by. I can’t go to his family because they see him in a differ­ent light. What would you suggest, and is it harass­ment — and could I press charges?

— LEAVE MY AURA ALONE

What ya think ?

Can She or should she ?

[uno,dos,3]

I think the problem (probably) starts with a wife no longer interested in sex and is accelerated by a husband  who is frustrated and has limited communication skills. The woman indicates that she doesn't want to have sex with him regardless of his behavior....... " I don't want to have sex with him. I have female problems and have told him it hurts, but it makes no difference to him."  "We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I couldn’t care less about being intimate." So many questions.........Does he help with the kids? Why doesn't she seek help with her physical problems? ......... In any event the whole issue gives me a headache.  Marriage is a lot of work and I'm retired and not looking for a job.....at least THAT type of job. 

[Wayne Goodwin]

Me Neither

[crestofwaves]

She sees this as harassment.  I see it as intimacy.  This seems like it is her problem but he is still interested in intimacy, so hard feelings set in.  How is he supposed to show her that he wants her unless he touches her?

[dwalt]

Well gee, to me she sounds like a witch. She keeps that attitude and she will be on her own with two kids to support.  She needs to talk to her dr.  Maybe it is a hormone inbalance or something.

[carrie cavanaugh]

That behavior would disgust me, I think they need some serious marriage counseling. If she thinks this is a problem, get the police involved it will become a bigger problem.  

[Lifesighs]

How in the heck did they get two children? What a mess they both need help in growing up and finding out what marriage is about. I don't think there is any love happening in that family.

He sounds like an infantile grade schooler playing grab at recess and she is a whiner who isn't taking care of her own problems. If it hurts something is wrong and needs to be corrected however I think that's an excuse to avoid being touched by someone she doesn't even like, not that I blame her for not liking him. 

I think major counseling is needed or game over.

[frenchy]

what a sad situation .. i'm not sure why they're still together .. why is he still there ?? why is she still there ?? they might be past the point of counselin .. i can understand her havin problems but she never mentioned that she still loved her husband and would like things to be better .. only how hard it would be to get away and if she could prosecute him somehow .. i wonder what his side is .. does he still think he's in a good happy marriage ??.. they say the husband is the last to know sometimes..i wonder if he's clueless , still reachin out for her gettin slapped away again and again .. i know i couldn't stay someplace i wasn't wanted but then maybe he's still hopin ..      

[Snagg]

Of COURSE one mate can sexually abuse or harass the other. To even try and use the "a husband can't rape his wife" argument is absolutely asinine, and demonstrates an INCREDIBLE ignorance and contempt for women.

This guy sounds like a caveman who could care less about his wife's medical issues or personal satisfaction; He expects to be serviced and damn quick. If I were her, I'd get checked for an STD, because the husband doesn't particularly sound like the one-woman-man type.

[frenchy]

i guess without hearin from the husband too all we get is one side of the story .. could be he is a knuckle draggin cave man with a big club .. or could be she's just a cold bitch who wants nothin to do with him anymore .. or somewhere inbetween for both of em .. life is seldom truly black and white .. its mostly just different shades of grey ..