In an unprecedented announcement yesterday, and his first action since his second inauguration, President Obama declared war on Denmark citing how Haagendazs ice cream has caused serious problems of increasing obesity and girth. The President feels bombing the factories there will greatly benefit U.S. citizens. However, dessert experts in Congress have delayed any hostile acts against Denmark. They have informed our President that the map of Denmark on the Haagendazs containers has nothing to do with that country..an easy mistake to be sure. For now, the destruction of Denmark will have to wait until after the Superbowl while health auditors sample Super Bowl size portions, especially BBQ chicken wings. Health officials have discovered that Haagendazs ice cream started in Da Bronx, NY. but this needs to be verified.
So now,the President has targeted other areas like Hershey,Pennsylvania to be nuked. All those high fat chocolate bars and kisses must go. The President has vowed to do whatever he can to fight obesity and win the battle of the bulge. One other area soon to be targeted for destruction is the state of Vermont. The home of Ben & Jerrys is a health threat to all of humanity. Then there is all that high caloric syrup waiting to cause strokes,heart attacks, and diabetes.Do we really need all those trees? "I think not" was quoted the President talking to forest rangers. "Except for some ski areas and scenic green mountains,Vermont is not a viable state", remarked the President. "Besides.no one knows how to spell or pronounce Montpelier anyway."
