Going Gray....Dramatic, or No Big Deal?

[blithe spirit]

For those who have thought about it and those who have and those who have said no way, never.
What are your thoughts about gray hair....different for men? different for women?

My hair went gray in my early 40's after a bout with cancer and chemotherapy and I have been coloring it ever since. I am now 60 and I'm tired of the salon bills and doing it myself...and not to mention the condition of my hair...the constant coloring it requires to cover the gray is rough on the hair. So I have missed three coloring appointments now. My hair was about shoulder length and I have cut it to about the chin...and then had the lightest streaks I could put in to kind of blend in with the gray so it doesn't look like a skunk stripe.

Most of my friends that live around here are much younger than me so they can't really relate to this decision I have made. I think for a woman of a certain age it could be a bit of a life change..not so much how I feel about myself, but how others perceive me, particularly men I think.

I know in another group I was in with many of you in the past...someone said something about how women of a certain age sort of disappear somehow on the radar and hair color is part of that.

Just opening this up for discussion...what do you think?

[Dell]

No big deal. What hair I have is going white and the beard is white with red streaks. I think I am beautiful!

[Karin M Fichtner]

I agree.....but how come silver hair makes a guy look "distinguished", while it just makes women look old?

[AmerikinWmn]

I'm 63, color my hair regularly and have recently thought of just letting it go gray. Then when it starts getting time for a touch up, I grab the color and do it again. As a former stylist, I can honestly say that letting it go adds a certain amount of age to the woman doing it, at least in my opinion. I had a few clients over the years who decide to go natural and most of them seemed to loose a good 10 yrs or more when they decided to start coloring again. Some chose to "age gracefully", as they put it. Age them it did. I look old enough as it is without adding gray hair.

It seems woman do "disappear", at least to some younger people, when they age. Like their opinions are somehow not as important because they're older and due to that are considered out of touch. 

[Karin M Fichtner]

I have colored mine all these years. I try to match the color as close to what it used to be as possible. I have some wisps of snowy white, very soft and pretty hair at my temples. That, I like. However, the roots on top, when they grow out, are still a mixture of brown and gun-metal gray. Blecchh!! If the roots on top were white like the temples.....I think I'd let it grow out. Til then.....it's Nice and Easy for me.

[Lifesighs]

I like mine, doesn't bother me a bit, people still think I'm much younger than my real age.

[Mickchick]

I let it grow out completely in my 40' and it was a silvery white.  I turned 50 right after my husband died, and I got a wig to see if I wanted to start coloring it again.  My mother was always saying you have such beautiful silver hair - why would you dye it?  I put the wig on and she said, oh my god, you look a good 10 years younger.  Dye it!  I did, I haven't regretted it, and I still "feel" like this is the real reflection of who I am.  I would be lying if I say I don't think about going natural again, though.  Just not sure when I'll do it, and as Kathy noted, if I don't like it I can ALWAYS color it again!

[Karin M Fichtner]

I guess I was absent the day they passed out the manuals on "How to grow old". I just go on being who I've always been.....and that involves dressing the way I always have and wearing my hair the same, too. I never gave it much thought until I joined a senior group this past year and took a look at all the other ladies in our group. I am definitely the "oddball" in the group. I still wear my capries in the summer, and jeans, and bright colors, and sandals or boots......not the more popular flip-flops and white athletic shoes. I still have my longish hair and wear make-up. I think they find me a tad off-the- wall, but I don't know how to be any other way. To do so would feel weird and unnatural to me.

[frenchy]

well .... you asked .. and this is a guys point of view .. please don't shoot me ok .. at this age i'd like to think we're seasoned as opposed to seniors but no matter what we call ourselves i think most women look beter with their hair colored .. of course i have to be honest i'm pretty lucky in that i don't really have any grey hair on my head .. my beard is another story .. it seems to have skipped over grey and went straight to white .. i used to grow a beard every winter when i lived up north but down here in florida i don't really need it all that much .. and i did try to color my beard with that just for men stuff but it seems i have that color resistant hair that it don't work on . lucky me huh ?/ so i don't grow a beard that much anymore .. and thats a shame cause i had a nice full thick beard that would make most guys jealous .. i could pretty much grow a beard over the weekend if i wanted to .. but now if grow one i know it just makes me look older .. and i've spent too much time all my life takin all these drugs to keep myself as well preserved as i am i don't wanna screw it up now .. and if i start seein gray hair on my head you can bet your sweet asses i'll dye it in a heartbeat .. i actually did dye it once or twice a few years ago just to see how i'd look .. went really blonde like i was as a kid .. a real toehead .. but most of the girls said you look better as a dishwater blonde .. don't do that anymore .. so i stopped .. but if i start goin gray all bets are off . i'll be a toehead quick as a wink .. and i suppose at some age i'll say fuckit  and won't care .. but i'm not ready to give in yet . we all have our own age where we just don't shive a git anymore .. i ain't reached mine yet .. but i'm sure its commin .. if i live long enough ..   

[Mickchick]

LOL!  Ah, Frenchy - we need a recent picture of you, then, since you have a beard in this one! 

I've seen some women with really beautiful silver/white hair that looks great on them, but I'm the same way - I'm just not ready for it, yet... the day may come.  But not yet.  Since I've had a streak of white in the front of my head since I was in my 20's, you can bet I've been coloring for a long, long time.  One of my mother's aunts went totally gray at 18.  It runs in the family, I guess.  I just figure I'm doing my part to help the economy, anyway...

[truckie]

Mt hair has got plenty of grey in it..but my mow has turned white.

I put the grey streaks down to the Teenagers..but their grown up now.

[AmerikinWmn]

I know how you feel, Karin. I've joined 2 of those groups and although I enjoy myself, I feel like the odd man out at most of their get-togethers. There are a few 'gals' like me who color their hair and wear more up to date clothes and make up, but you can definitely pick us out of the crowd. I've always said I'll go screamin' and kickin' over that hill

[blithe spirit]

Thanks for your wisdom frenchy, my guru of most things about men....we all have our own age where we just don't shive a git anymore. I guess we do... Just don't call me a Q-tip..LOL!

I don't think having gray hair is going to change my outlook about anything. We'll see...a grand experiment...who knows it might be the big secret that's being kept from us...