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HOSTING A PIG ROAST

" Hey you, I invited a few people over tomorrow for a pig roast see what you can come up with for munchies and drinks."

"Stop calling me, Hey you, I got a name, it's Carrie Maude and don't you forget it, you ass! How many "few" people are coming? Your idea of few and mine are not the same and are they bringing their own bottles?"

Very early the next morning, a little after six, three men showed up to set up the humongous homemade re-bar spit and hoist the pig up onto it before starting the fire in the three foot deep pit.

They went through three pots of coffee a few pans of Huevos rancheros, using fresh eggs from the hens and a nice fresh salsa with homemade flour tortillas. Carrie cleans up the kitchen while the men go out to inspect the pig, smoke, lie and bull s h i t in general.

The other women in the house get up and breakfast is served to them also. One is Carrie's elderly Ma and the other Carrie's daughter. They both want to help with the festivities right after breakfast. While Ma tends to the dishes Carrie and her daughter start looking through the refrigerator seeing what they could come up with in a short time. Lots of bits and pieces of vegetables, a couple of cans of crushed tomatoes and a nice piece of barbecued steak will make a lovely large pot of soup. There is also half a loaf of Italian bread that they spruce up with more butter, Parmesan cheese, chopped fresh garlic and sprinkled with fresh chives from the herb garden right outside the back door. Carrie figures after the soup is done she can broil the bread then cut it up into small triangles to go with the soup.

Three more people arrive from the Seattle area. then another two from Yakima. Soon another four from Okanogan,five from Mallot. Damn now there are twenty-one to feed!

Carrie goes back to the fridge and inspects what else there is to feed them. At least some brought beer and chips but that pot of soup will not feed everyone. Two of the women guests come in to say hi to Ma then both say they brought a big container of chocolate chip cookies, salad and rolls so they went out to the car and brought them into the house placing them on the big long dining room table.

You could hear the men laughing and telling stories at the pit while they were drinking beer. The ass comes in and calls up a few people telling them to come over for the roast. Carrie overhears and groans to herself, isn't twenty-one enough! Everyone goes outside to look at the pig starting to get a shine on its hide from the grease leaking out as the men all take turns turning the 400 pound beast on the spit.

Carrie leaves to go back inside to tend to the soup and hunt for more goodies. A knock on the door reveals 3 trucks have arrived with

nine more people and a car with five, two which are small children. They did bring more beer, booze and food with them, yippie!

Ma has now come in and sits for a while and watches the goings on saying how are you going to feed all these people? Carrie is inventive and gets out all the packages of open crackers and starts making up platters of finger foods using peanut butter, cheese, smoked oysters and anything else she can muster up. Te celery is stuffed either with peanut butter or cream cheese with raisins on top. Red and green peppers are stuffed with cream cheese rolled in black pepper. Olives and homemade dill pickles go on the platters also. What a great way to get rid of leftovers.

People start walking in to pick up a plastic cup of soup and a hunk of bread then go back outside to the roast that is now making the live pigs squeal because of the smoke from the grease dripping on the burning logs below the spit. Carrie sets up a trash can over on the side for everyone to toss the trash into instead of the well manicured grass. To counteract the sounds of the live pig squeals Stevie Ray Vaughan and Creedence Clearwater are singing as loud as the music will go. Soon five local cowboys come moseying in bringing more beer.sodas and more food. They all come in to pay respects to Ma because they all love her so much.

Well at least the trash is in the can outside and the only thing dirty in the house is the white floor in the kitchen from so much traffic.

The neighbor from down the road,his wife and three grandchildren come walking up to the door and wonder what the great smell was coming through the apple orchard. They are invited to stay and join the festivities which they do.

The neighbors from across the ravine call to see if their is a fire, I say no a party come on over. They, their son and two children come over. These people knew there was no fire because they are overly inquisitive of other peoples goings on and I swear once I saw the sun shine their binoculars when they were looking over at us.

Finally John and Tanya along with two other car full of people. John brought in a basket of fried smelt but no one ate any because I heard one person say he wasn't eating any bait ...he'd rather wait for the pig.

The pig was pretty much roasted after thirteen hours and we only had two small mishaps...Georgio was drunk and fell in the fire pit but only singed his jacked and John came into the house and flopped on a chair and broke it right in front of Ma who immediately said "Is that old fool drunk?"

HOSTING A PIG ROAST

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