My son-in-law came from a very abusive home. His parents split up when he was young. His mother remarried and he saw his stepfather abuse her, then he'd try to step in and protect her and would get beat. The final straw was when he was about 15, his stepfather whacked him in the head with a skateboard.
He had to go live with his best friend until he graduated. Now, on the other end of it, his father remarried and moved away. However, the stepmother let him know how much she hated him. One time, while at a gas station, his father was out of the car, his stepmom looked back at him and told him how much he disgusted her and how much she hated him
Yet. a better husband, (married to my daughter 12 yrs in Oct) you will never find, nor a better father.
I don't get the cursing being a primary concern. What is offensive to some is not to others.
I can get past the cursing, I cannot get past real concerns like abuse.
BTW, there are many families that can be extremely hateful, hurtful, insulting and rude, all without a single curse word.
The same in public. I have had people be rude and cut in line without a curse word, offensive. I've had people say rude things about me to someone with them, without a curse word, but offensive. and yes I will say whatever it is I want in response.
I have a 12 yr old grandson that I am extremely proud of, respectful, helpful, the same for my 10 yr old grandaughter, my 7 yr old grandson and my 6 yr old grandaughter.
Marjorie, your son-in-law is a prime example that kids can become fine adults, even when raised in a dysfunctional home. I also believe that he's an exception to the rule. One's upbringing sure has a lot of influence on what kind of man or woman they become.
Kudos to your son-in-law, 1GL and Wylde for overcoming.
Thanks..I also come from an alcoholic family. My mom was in and out of hospitals when I was young, I feel they did some real damage to her, keeping her against her and my father's will at one time for more than 6 months, giving shock treatments and who knows what.
My older sister,who is 6 yrs older than me had stayed out of school for 6 months to help with the "homelife", my younger sister in diapers(5yrs younger than me) a brother 3 yrs older than me, 2 brothers 7 & 8 yrs older than me. My father I'm sure was overwhelmed.
My mother was given pills like candy by the dr's. I am not sure when the drinking started. I do know that I'd wonder why we had so much Nyquil in our med cupboard in the kitchen.
My mother was a good person, but going thru that front door was hell after school. Even if she was "ok" who knew what may lie ahead. Growing up was not dreaming of what you wanted to be when you grew up. It was survival.
No, we are not the exception to the rule. There are many of us that survive, raise families, hold down jobs, careers. We learn to put on the face because after all, that is what we did as kids, none of my friends had a clue.
We carry it with us. But many of us work hard at breaking the cycle of abuse. We also carry the burden of the past, it is part of who I am and why I am.
My older sister never had kids, but paid me the best complitment I have ever had...while we together with my kids and grandkids, she looked at me and said "You broke the cycle. Look at your family"
Well, speaking as a child from an extremely dysfunctional household, children can adapt, to a point. As a child, I was like a camillian. I went to school and put on the face, I joked with friends, my friends were my lifeline and had no clue.
I do not agree the standard has been lowered in behavior, just more open about it. My parents were good, my mother was ill, to say she was bad would be to say my husband's mother was bad for having cancer.
Because of the way I grew up, I learned survival skills. I learned to value friends, to really love them. At the time I grew up, alcoholism wasn't looked at like it is today. I didn't understand it, I knew my mother loved me. I went to my parents each night that was ok and gave them a kiss on the cheek good night.
After meeting my husband, I was the first to say I love you to my parents.
I learned that life could be cruel, but to value the times that weren't. I loved my parents, so I learned unconditional love.
When my mother was dying, it was as hard on me as for anyone who may have had a really good relationship with their mother and a good childhood.
Of course I'm not against having a good childhood, that is what I strived for where my own children were concerned. And I am very proud of them and my grandkids.
I don't believe anyone wants you to feel badly, I don't.
There are many people who had good upbringings who don't have good relationships...don't have good outlook on life, peace and can be very needy.
The way I look at it, it's not the standards as far as respect, it's that instead of being said behind someone's back, it's said to their face. But, not always bad, as alot of what is being said is positive as well. Our society doesn't like to focus on that part of it.
I wanted to add that I remember when my middle daughter was in high school, her and her friends would hug whenever they saw each other.(my daughter's not much for hugging) Even if they just saw each other at school that day, they'd hug.
When I've gone to the store and have worn the brace I have for my wrist, no matter the age, if someone's there at the door, they'll open in for me. The people at the store will ask me if I' can manage.
I've seen people help others struggling and helped them, or seen others come to help.
I see young girls, teens, still hug like my daughters' did, and they are sincere. We need to give kids and parents more credit. Look for the good, really look for it, talk about that with them rather than just the negative.
Women should treat men with respect and expect the same treatment in return. Larry, I hope you don't mind if I change the wording a wee bit. The truth is, when we speak of someone as being mine or theirs, then we do convey a sense of ownership. While not really what most people really want to say, or even mean, which is what I believe Wanda the Faye means to say. Yet, I know people who are deeply in like or love they will say things like Mine in order to keep others at bay, or perhaps to warn them away. And now that I've stated the obvious, which is that one does not own the other, but merely share time with each other----until they don't any longer. (smiling) Wayne
Coming in a bit late on this one, but I think humans should treat each other with respect and kindness - regardless of gender. I also think that this respect and kindness should be extended to the other creatures with whom we share the planet. After all, it's been said that one can tell how civilized a culture is by how it treats its animals.
On another note: Like 1GreatLady, Marge, and Wylde and likely many others here on TBD, I grew up in an alcoholic and wildly dysfunctional family. When things were great, they were REALLY great, but when things were bad, well, they were an Ingmar Bergman movie. Always had to act normal to the outside world when things were awful inside the home and inside me. When I was young, I swore I'd never treat anyone the way my parents treated each other and my brother and me. I probably had no respect for myself as a young adult, but I always treated others nicely.
As an 40+ woman, I now understand what it means to respect yourself and the world around you. You'll never respect anything until you respect yourself. Years of therapy and relationship disasters, but I think I've finally got it. :)