"The Laws Of Reality!"

[Letha Robinson]

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

[Callipyge]

Lol, good ones!

I can add Callipyge's family shopping rule:

As you come home from doing the shopping for the week, one of your children will see you bringing in the shopping bags and say, "Oh by the way Mom, I'm out of __________________ and need some by tomorrow."

[larry kremis]

So funny and so true Letha. The one about "dropping a tool" reminded me of this: When I was in my 20's and newly married with my first child, I had to fix my motorcycle myself to save money. We had a cheap mobile home, it was winter and I had the engine in a spare bedroom to replace the rings and replace the overhead cam. I didn't have ring compressors so I just squeezed them together to get the cylinder walls down over the pistons, pinching my fingers. I used paper clips to hold the cam chain up so it didn't fall back down into the crank, thus avoiding pinching my fingers again and starting over. That's right, the chain fell back down into the crank anyway. I was holding a pair of plyers at the time, which somehow ended up stuck in the bedroom door.

I don't work on things much any more, I just buy new or have it repaired. lol

[larry kremis]

They just flew across the room. Ok ok, I threw them when I lost my grip on the chain. lol

[Lowell Brandon]

So if you want a new vacuum, just try fixing it yourself? Excellent plan. I'll have to remember that idea.

[Lowell Brandon]

If it's important, they'll call back. And who wouldn't want to call you?

[funesthememorious]

Mom's Law

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool mom.

[larry kremis]

George W. Bush's law. You can fool all of the people some of the time, fool me once, shame on......uh, fool me twice...........then I'm a fool.......uh.....shame on you......can't fool my mom.

[Maricel Evasco]

Law of TBDning
If you post a response, you won't see it in the thread until the very next year, that is unless someone posts immediately after you.

[larry kremis]

Sometimes the suspense kills me. I like the new glasses, they're you.

[funesthememorious]

Law of Obfuscation

If you use the word 'paradigm' without knowing what it means you will be sent directly to jail.

[Slayer Dug]

"Gravity is a myth. The Earth just sucks."

[stillgoing]

I hear Venus blows.