Does love really win?

[kainsworth]

I have to go to court again. Don't worry, I won't bore you with the gory details. It's just a child support adjustment - one that I am not choosing. I cried a little bit when I was talking to my attorney about what happened the last two times I was in court. I've always made choices that are for the best for the people around me, because I still believe, despite any injustices that have occurred in the past, that ultimately love wins.

I've been told by friends that I should get mean this time. Go for the jugular. Get him for as much as I can. I can't do that, because I don't believe in it, and I don't really know how. What do you think? Is doing what you believe is right for everyone the best option? Does love really win in the long run?

[KarenSme]

No. I work in law and I've been through a divorce.
Business is business and you are now in the business of finance and realigning living arrangements. This is business. I am not suggesting you need to be emotionless. But you need to use your mind to see the big picture of finance and living arrangements. Love does not count in this business of divorce and custody.
You can be kind and still be very smart. When it is over, you will be sitting with the court order.
My opinion.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

All is not fair in love and war.
I second KarenSme. Your emotions count, of course. But this is business. And sometimes business is war. If it is on behalf of your children, and their financial well being and future and your ability to conduct your future with them with some semblance of normality, then may I suggest that you sublimate your emotions. Treat this situation as Price No Object to ensure a good and fair outcome that you will not regret financially. You are self- employed. You need all the help you can get, and then some. Which means some security for your children.

You don''t need to know how - that's why you have an attorney. Give your lawyer full permission to do his/her job. Then it will be money well spent.

[kainsworth]

Thanks guys. Valid opinions, all. All input is welcome, even if it's not about me. Don't worry, I don't plan to be a pushover, but I also refuse to be mean.

I'm curious, outside of my situation, whether in general love wins in the end. Not whether it gets more money, or whether it gets a favorable court opinion, but whether we should choose it in general as a life strategy.

[CWO3ROBBIE]

KA, I know nothing of the circumstances, so all I have to go on is your statement above.

I don't know much about law. However, I have been through two divorces. Both were fairly amicable and there does not seem to be any really bad feelings lingering. You say you have always made choices that are best for the people around you. Has that not worked? Has the other party done otherwise? I don't know if love always wins, but I do know that the more contentious the court proceedings get, the better the lawyers like it. And the more money they make. And the more experience they get. I have always tried to be fair and it seems to have worked. So, I guess I agree with KarenSme. You do not have to be mean to not be a patsy. So, look at it as a business decision, not a no holds bared war. Which means that I don't agree with your friends, or DZGD. You have the lawyer, you hold the reigns, It's up to you to decide what is enough. Uncontroled lawyers involved in a civil suit are a hazard to humanity.
Just my 2 cents worth.

[J Lee S]

I believe ultimately You win, when you do what is right for You.You are the one that lives with the choices you make, right or wrong. You are your power and strength. Just my thoughts K.

[Aggie]

I tried to keep what was in best interests of the kids. My love for my former wife stopped 12/15/2005. But the friendship started on 12/15/2005. Not close friends but friends.

[Bull]

Kate
I won't even try to answer. You know whats in your heart, and yeah I am a sap, but good will prevail, and I know you are good.
Be Well My Friend

[nina M]

all I know is that an insecured personwill fight for ever . and bring misery to all the parties involved .Just letting it go brings peace if not love :)

[kainsworth]

I appreciate everyone wanting the best for me, and especially for my girls. Thank you all for your thoughtful and heartfelt responses.

[Callipyge]

I agree with Aggie. Go for what is best for your children. It is not mean to stand up for what is right for them.

As far as love winning.... I doubt that it means "winning" in the tradition sense of the term, and certainly not in a monetary sense. I do think there are ways in which love "wins" though....

[TeeBubbaDee]

I have been on both ends of this story. As a child, my father paid no child support, and my mom had to work her tail off to keep us fed and clothed. As an adult and a father, I have paid child support. Sure, I wish my mom had pushed harder to get the old man to help out. But child support laws were not as strict back then. Kate, I don't think there is a need to go for the jugular, AS LONG AS, you and your children will be comfortable. If it looks like you are some how going to end with the short end of the stick, then you MUST rethink how tough you want to be.
Just my opinion.
Peace to you and yours.

[Chez moi]

Kate, the love in question this time is the love you and, I hope, your ex-husband, have for your daughters. Their well-being should be the foremost in his mind, as I'm sure it is in yours. You know the financial situation he is in, and, as it was pointed out, you will be beginning a new career, perhaps self employed or at least not highly paid at first.

It sounds, if I'm reading this right, as if you are unhappy with the results of the last two hearings. Perhaps making the kind and loving decision has not so far brought happiness to you. I think it is the sensible, the businesslike decision that you need now, the one that will benefit the girls.

Semantics, semantics... not 'going for the jugular', but assuring the well-being of your children... think of it that way, give that brief to your lawyer, and go to court with your lovely smile on your face.