Child Chatter

[ozzieowl]

Whether the kids are at school. or at home, at Granma's & Granpa's,

helping out with the shopping, being quiet in Church, 

at a friend's party or even playing sports  -

more often than not,

some of them are liable to drop a 'gem' or a 'clanger'

at the oddest moments, so please share in the laughs.

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church
12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

[Aggie]

So, there is a lot of talk about kids identifying as cats or dogs “furries”, they call them.
Imagine if you can, that one of your kids told you they thought they were a cat?
Sitting at the supper table son says: “Dad, I think I’m a cat!”
Dad: “No son, you’re a boy! “
Son: “No dad some of my friends at school identify as cats, they call themselves furries, and so do I !! It’s my right and you can’t do anything about it!”
Dad: “OK!! “
Son: “Hey, where’s my supper?“
Dad: “Your supper is in the catfood bowl in the corner. Now get off the table you mangy cat!”
Son: “What???”
Dad: hits him with a broom, “get off the table furball!!”
Son: in the corner looking bewildered!
Mom: “Is that cat neutered”??
Dad: “Nope.”
Mom: “I will make an appointment!! “
Son: “What??? “
Dad: “Your mother and I have decided we don’t want a house cat, so get out to the barn and hunt mice!”
Son: “What???”
Dad: brandishes broom, “NOW, to the barn you stupid cat!!”
Son: “Dad, I think I’m a boy!”
Dad: “I thought so, now sit down and eat your supper!!”
Now that’s what you call united parenting.
Spay and neuter these animals. Stop them from reproducing. Today’s society has enough fruit loops already.

[Aggie]

While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amok. I was able to grab hold of her arm after receiving looks of disgust from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening. "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy last night."
After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped doing what they were doing.
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing that I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter.