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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
Latest Activity: yesterday
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie yesterday.
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Jul 26.
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Jul 20.
How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America? Because freedom rings.
missed it by a little
Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the OPP with carrying weapons of maths instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by any Prime Minister
SO YOU COWARDS think you're tough because you jumped me ??? Waited for me to be alone... in the back of my own home??? I still handled all of you, left 3 of you on the ground laid out in blood !! You're lucky I took some hits to my face and back of my neck. But only lost a little blood. You lost more. I don't have any marks on my face. I have some on my arms and legs but so what!!!! I bet you didn't expect me to swing back since it was 6 against one. You should have known better!!! I might be 64 but I have a lot of fight left in me! Yeah I'm not gonna lie, I was getting a little tired, but I kept on swinging and made sure you got yours... Little Punks!!! All I have to say is you started this and I finished it. I hate mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are not my friends.
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room." 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller." 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." Source: Peter Dickinson
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