Child Chatter

[ozzieowl]

Whether the kids are at school. or at home, at Granma's & Granpa's,

helping out with the shopping, being quiet in Church, 

at a friend's party or even playing sports  -

more often than not,

some of them are liable to drop a 'gem' or a 'clanger'

at the oddest moments, so please share in the laughs.

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church
12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

[Aggie]

So, there is a lot of talk about kids identifying as cats or dogs “furries”, they call them.
Imagine if you can, that one of your kids told you they thought they were a cat?
Sitting at the supper table son says: “Dad, I think I’m a cat!”
Dad: “No son, you’re a boy! “
Son: “No dad some of my friends at school identify as cats, they call themselves furries, and so do I !! It’s my right and you can’t do anything about it!”
Dad: “OK!! “
Son: “Hey, where’s my supper?“
Dad: “Your supper is in the catfood bowl in the corner. Now get off the table you mangy cat!”
Son: “What???”
Dad: hits him with a broom, “get off the table furball!!”
Son: in the corner looking bewildered!
Mom: “Is that cat neutered”??
Dad: “Nope.”
Mom: “I will make an appointment!! “
Son: “What??? “
Dad: “Your mother and I have decided we don’t want a house cat, so get out to the barn and hunt mice!”
Son: “What???”
Dad: brandishes broom, “NOW, to the barn you stupid cat!!”
Son: “Dad, I think I’m a boy!”
Dad: “I thought so, now sit down and eat your supper!!”
Now that’s what you call united parenting.
Spay and neuter these animals. Stop them from reproducing. Today’s society has enough fruit loops already.

[Aggie]

While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amok. I was able to grab hold of her arm after receiving looks of disgust from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening. "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy last night."
After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped doing what they were doing.
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing that I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter.

[Aggie]

A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every ten seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand. His mother says, “Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while…”
Billy says, “I'm fine, Mommy…i just haven't gone 'doody' yet."
Mother says, “ Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says, “ Works for ketchup."

[Aggie]

Out of the mouth of babes. This question was put to young children and the answers are wonderful. The last one is a bit of a tear jerker so grab some tissues.
What is love?
'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8
'When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4
'Love is when a girl puts on perfume
and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5
'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6
'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4
'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 8
'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and just listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.' Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6
'During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8
'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6
'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7
'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him
alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4
'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4
'When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..' Mark - age 6
'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8
And the final one: The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard , climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'