TBD on Ning
Marriage - Again
I'm not placing this in a mixed group of women and men in order to get women's unbiased opinions. I was not happy being married due to many reasons. Far too many to go into here. I'm with a man now who is pressing to get married again and I think this will end our relationship as this is not where I'm currently at. He's twenty years older than me and didn't want marriage when we were first dating last year. I met him on the original TBD! Would you do it again now that you are more mature? What would need to be in place this time that you did not have the first, second or more times around? Does marriage benefit the woman or men more as we mature?
Views: 23
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by ThisAndThat on
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Not ownership in this case..that was my ex. SO is a wonderful man and I'm just not that in love with him to put myself through marriage again.
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Permalink Reply by Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana on
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I'm with Wanda. It would have to be something truly extraordinary for me to contemplate that conspiracy again! Marrying someone and immediately becoming responsible for every move they make financially and medically and legally as though that person was one's child!!!?? Outrageous!
I'm marrying the person - not grafting them onto my rib!
From the careful investigation of what marriage constitutes here in the States, (and within the State) I'm VERY gun shy of the idea - one has so much to lose if things go wrong and very little to gain unless the spouse has a rocking medical plan - which could disappear in a heartbeat along with the job, or is fabulously wealthy and willing to protect his spouse up front. I wouldn't even consider a marriage to someone unless I'd lived with them for at least five years or so - and a very in depth investigation into the person's background and finances and I would then welcome the same.
I've worked brutally hard for what I've earned and what I do earn - and the IRS or some medical institution in this country is not going to come after me for some idiocy perpetrated by a spouse. I'll spend my last penny to help a partner medically - but it will be my decision to do so - and not the hospital or bankster characters.
Nor - after what I have seen of men of late cheating in such a public domain do I really relish the idea of locking myself into a space that I can't exit - fast - if necessary. I'm just not that trusting anymore.
If I decide to go back to live in my elder years to Canada and have a long term mate - I may re-consider. But as attractive as the idea is romantically - there would have to be BIG benefits on both sides of the equation for me to take that kind of fiscal risk here in the USA. From what I can gather it only serves one in good stead if one is part of an older couple (70 plus).
If one is not procreating - what is wrong with a commitment ceremony ? And anyone pressuring one to marry ? That sends up a possible warning signal to my mind. I have noticed it's important to check common law status and the laws pursuant to this too - he could move in and five years later have rights you knew nothing about!
I read your business profile T&T (thanks for sharing - I really must get in there and do mine properly - I too had a boutique and an interior design business !) and like you - I started two business with no bank loans and with the kind of grueling hard work and difficulties that shock me upon retroactive reflection ! Men find this kind of energy and entrepreneurial grit very attractive and can be extremely clever about going about getting a share of the pie. I know - I got tagged, albeit only for a year - he never got a penny. But the mistake cost me over 100 thousand all in (!yup!) so . . . it's something I can live without doing again.
LOVE the photo T&T!!! Brilliant! Sums it up for me! Great post - got to ramble and pontificate about something close to my heart without the boys (bless their hearts) chiming in. -
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Brillant response. All of it. Would be interested to see what the boys offer up if I posted this in a mixed forum. Not sure which one at this point.
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We had a go at it in Gal & Gays Connecting - scroll through - it was rather recent ;) and thank you! The idea is sweet - but the execution - can become an execution.
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Understand that well dogdreams. My SO is very wealthy but that does not make me want to marry him. I guess I'm not in love after all. I'm not sure love is enough a reason to get married after a certain age?
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I've always been of the opinion that it all works a tad better when a man loves a woman a bit more than the woman loves the man . . . ;)
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Copy away...
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Permalink Reply by belle054 on
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I seriously doubt that I would marry again....there's really no reason to at this point. It's a lovely romantic traditional idea but the reality is often different. I'm always open to love and commitment but marriage is a legal contract and one that should not be taken lightly. JMO.
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Agreed. My bf just asked me again. I love him so, but no marriage. Think he is on his way out. Thank you all for the replies and now I know we are rowing in the same boat.
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We like having you in our "life" boat T&T!
If I might ask - why is he resistant to living together - or is it you? It's so much the norm in Canada - so I'm curious . -
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Thanks for the life preserver. Suffice to say I am alone on a Saturday night. He is 66 and I just turned 46. He is my best friend and more (for a man his age he needs no help at all) and I see the only reason to ever get married as having children. We are obviously way past that mark in life. He is very well off and I do not want his kids or friends thinking I am in this for money. I received a settlement from my ex husband and have a successful business so am not hurting financially although I work very hard to keep my store thriving. I do not want to "live" with him because he has four houses all over the place and we only see each other weekends for the most part. In part it is me. I just cannot see marrying again. Am I cold or realistic? I am emotional today so please forgive my online call for help.
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DD3 - can not one have the right to do so by proxy drawn up? There are sooooo many people living common law , how are these issues you refer to handled by them? I actually need to know this - being without family in (all of ) North America. I need to change my will and update things - are you saying that no matter what I do Douglas has no rights?
And they call this the home of the free . . .
Sorry - just a tad concerned and cranky here!!???! -
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