Older Men.....

[Silvermoonbeam]

Ladies, give me your advice and opinions regarding dating older men. I am 42 and just beginning to get my feet wet again in the dating pool after being divorced and not dating for almost 4 years. I have joined a dating website, and it seems the solicitations I have been receiving are from men 10 to 15 years older than myself. Truthfully, I have not considered, until now that is, dating someone 10 or more years older than myself. Do any of you have experience with dating or being married to an older gentleman? I would appreciate your thoughts and insights!

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Welcome to For Women Only Silvermoonbeam!

Interestingly enough - the average general age between men and women in a marriage/relationship is either seven or 13 years in either direction. I came across an article about this ages ago - and must see if I can track it down - I read it in print rather than online. It's some sort of "phenomena" apparently.

Men in their fifties and sixties are generally on their 2nd or 3rd go around. Most have grown children, and are looking for someone who's bio clock is not ticking. They are either solvent, or broke (be careful here - I've met several over the years who are very good at pretending they have money, when they don't, and are after yours) . I have found men in their mid to late sixties and older to be rather controlling and difficult in terms of flexibility and joy de vivre and certain health issues can be a bit more than you might want to take on at this stage of your life.

It will all depend on the man, and your level of energy, tolerance, and independence. Men in their fifties, esp. their early to mid-fifties are much more flexible and current than those in their very late fifties or early sixties Men born in the 1940's have a different mind set than those born in the 1950's. There are always exceptions, of course!

Think - "when I'm 50 - he will be ....... and that will give you pause for thought before you enter into a very serious relationship with a man 10 - 15 years older than you. Having said that - I know a number of men in their mid-to late sixties who are terrific chaps - but they are now rather entrenched in their ways. Those who go after much younger women than they (say 15- 20 years younger) tend to be players with serious issues, and are certainly not relationship material.

[Silvermoonbeam]

Diana - Thank you so much for your response. You have given me a lot of food for thought. And, yes, one of the things I have done is think about our ages 10 years down the road. When I'm 50, do I want to be in a relationship with someone who is 65? No, not really.

[Maricel Evasco]

I'm 42 too. My last date was 15 yrs older than me. It was a pleasant meeting. Yet, my preference is still to be with someone in my generation give or take 5 yrs. Older men tend to have more manners, are more uxorious partners, and (can) have the wisdom of experience which can help them in understanding us better. On the downside, they have less vigor, tend to be less playful, and are more set in their ways. I cannot imagine asking my last date to go Great Adventure with me. You don't go on roller coasters, dive off planes, go bungee jumping, etc with someone in their 50's. Most would decline. It is unfortunate I'm still immature that way. I still enjoy the thrill of the adrenaline rush. I would also have to be more circumspect in expressing myself behind closed doors because older guys tire more easily. I guess it may work better if we were perched on top. (hahahahaha)

I don't think age really matters in the bigger scheme of things. What matters is that a man is emotionally available, sincere in his feelings, and mature enough to allow you space to grow and be yourself. I can for go the adrenaline rush and vigorous sex to be with such a man.

[Jillybean]

It depends on the man. I am 43 and dating someone 8 years older, but he is very youthful and vigorous and physically fit, and loves to do all the crazy stuff many 30-somethings would like to do--four-wheeling, amusement parks, camping, concerts.... You just have to find the right one. Age is just a number, not a lifestyle.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

I agree here - and certainly many men in their fifties (and further along ) are just as energetic and adventurous as I am ( I'm 56 ) - actually I rather like men in my age range - ahem - and younger ;->

Jillybean did hit the nail as it were - it's "lifestyle" that really is key to a comfortable fit.

I have dated more than most women my age, as I choice to remain single during my twenties and thirties - choosing serial monogamy over matrimony. If there is a line out there I haven't heard, or a maneuver that has not been tried on me - I'd be very surprised!

Older men are also working hard on keeping up and keeping fit thankfully, so although I've been cautionary with my remarks, I'm also one to say - it depends on the man, so be very careful, and discriminating. To thy own self be true - at all times.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

"I choice" chuckle - humm, wonder if that was my Jungian slip showing ;-D

Freud? Pffft. Who he? lol!

me think I meant to say "I chose"
Some words in English can be quite diabolical!

[Maricel Evasco]

Jillybean, are you from AOL? Your user's name is very familiar. (Mine there is Maricella)

Age is more than a lifestyle, it's an outlook too. "Young at heart"

[Jillybean]

No, it would be someone else. I used to be on AOL message boards--preggers boards, back in the 90's, but with a different username.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Oh all right. MM you reminded me of something. After my father died ( four years ago ) I had to find a Realtor - and so I interviewed a considerable number of them. My spouse at the time was down from Toronto and was with me for a round of finding the right one. In walked a tall drink of water - obviously from get go a patrician of a man , and I went a tad weak in the knees. He and I toured the estate, the grounds, and the "cottage" and this man had me at hello and then some. I knew he was the right person to represent me with certainty when my ex and I sat down to negotiate. My ex is an experienced lawyer, and a fine judge of character. He liked the gentleman - and we both felt him to be honourable and trustfully. That the man in question also had a stellar rep. in town - helped. Oddly, based on prior recommendations, I had rather suspected that he would be THE ONE. BLINK!

Lord was I smitten. However - and needless to say, I kept my feelings to myself other than a bit of flirtation, which he reciprocated appropriately. We truly like one another. He did a fantastic job for me, helping me immeasurably through a deeply traumatic and arduous preparation period when I was here in a strange town, all on my own for the most part, alone, albeit with some lovely and supportive neighbors. He put me in charge of selling my house, which I'm told is a rare move for a Realtor. By way of explanation, (in his words) he recognized my business acumen and sales experience and understood I needed to maintain control. We remain good close friends. Mature, experienced and tempered, his kindness and encouragement towards me, and to Douglas, and his deep understanding of all that transpired, was and still is - a god send.

He is (now) 69. His partner of more than twenty years is seven years older than he (isn't that lovely (!) and I've met her several times. She is a lucky woman. If he had been single, (considering that my 20 year relationship was on the rocks) he wouldn't have stood a chance ! Did I mention he is an expert sailor, and that he roller blades, and because one of his sons is a rock/punk musician with a well known band, we see him around town at concerts a good deal? He and Douglas are the same height, and they get on tremendously well together.

Yup. You are quite right MM. There are men, and then there are MEN. It's not the age ... etc. etc. /;-D

Purrrrr.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

P.S. Note - thirteen years in the OTHER direction!

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Oh yes MM you have good taste too! And he was also a Commander in the US Navy - and his parents and he in later life were all involved in low income housing projects at the highest level in D.C. and . . . oh well never mind. Suffice it to say we cram a lot of deep conversation into the time we carve out for one another.

Having him over for lunch (and or accepting a luncheon date) - is one of my few truly guilty pleasures. The really lovely thing is - Douglas smiles happily and putters about helping me get things ready and then says "hello" to our mutual friend etc. and goes off to do something else. With complete confidence and trust. Not one iota of jealousy or insecurity . He does not begrudge me a minute, and appreciates that my time with my friend makes me happy. Douglas is wise.

Like I said - there are men - and then there are MEN.

[Quilty]

I have two favorite "dates" -- one is 20 years older, the other 17 years younger.

There are wonderful things about each of them, that I treasure. One is completely unihibited, willing to go anywhere and to anything, the other is an Eagle Scout who "thanks me for corrupting him."

For now, I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement. So are they. I think we each have a lot to offer each other, in different ways. Wonderful, exciting, different ways. I wouldn't trade the variety for anything.

Where am I going with this? Don't limit yourself! Explore! See who/what's out there! Enjoy!