What do women want????

[Maricel Evasco]

Ok, I'm writing this piece with steam coming out of my ears. I'm furious at my ex (let me not go into the details) and looking for a way to channel my fury constructively.

So what is that women want?
I shall be honest and say I don't know what I want more except that I hope the next man I meet does not possess the irksome (euphemism) flaws of my ex. I am generally happy with the direction of my life and what I am doing to help others, but sometimes I feel there is more to just being a mom, teacher, daughter, sister, friend, and advocate of peace, etc.

"It is better to be in a jail where you can bang the walls than a jail you could not see." ~ Carson McCullers
I think the latter is what bothers me the most. I think I've become complacent and want to break free from my ivory tower of complacency.

I don't want to redefine my desires/wants in light (in dark) that of men or of my anger towards my sprouse, the louse. I value men's presence and their errors do enlighten me. "Without farts, there are no flowers. Without pricks, there are no poems. Without women, there are no homes." Yet, at this time in my life, I want to delve into what is it that defines me as female, the other 1/2 of the human species. Is there more to me than being a mother, teacher, estranged wife (11 yrs), and peace maker?

So again, I pose the question to all of you:
What is that WE, women want?


An aside (satirical)
"The perfect man--for any woman--is the man who loves her constantly and fucks her frequently, passionately, and well; who adores and admires her; is at once reliable and exciting; an earthy Adonis abd a heavenly father figure; a beautiful son, a steady daddy; a wild-eyed Bacchic lover and a calm, sober, but still funny friend..." Erica Jong

[Maricel Evasco]

Oh btw, sorry for being so rude as not to say good morning and introduce myself.
I'm Mari, an angel witch. (lol I should adopt that moniker as my new user's name)
I'm glad to be here. =-)

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Welcome Maricel! Delighted that you have joined us here. I enjoy your posts in other groups, and we know you will be an exciting and stimulating contributor to our "quilting circle" of wise witty and often times equally puzzled women ! :-D

[Maricel Evasco]

Possibly, you might need more relaxation in order to allow yourself to flow. I think we experience "growing pains" throughout our lives. SoulSrchr

It's almost impossible to relax when one has two teens living at home...(15 & 17) lol
My idea of relaxation is undisturbed sleep, praying, or meditating in front of a lit white candle (purification). I do have witchy tendencies. (cackling)

Thank you for your reassurances of my having a semblance of balance in my life. It wasn't always that way.

[Suuse]

"The perfect man--for any woman--is the man who loves her constantly and fucks her frequently, passionately, and well; who adores and admires her; is at once reliable and exciting; an earthy Adonis abd a heavenly father figure; a beautiful son, a steady daddy; a wild-eyed Bacchic lover and a calm, sober, but still funny friend..." Erica Jong

Ok. Got that. Now: a bra that fits and a pair of comfortable stilettos and I think I'm set.

[Maricel Evasco]

I'm glad to be here Dazzling Diana. =-) Your words always dazzle.

Diggie, diggie, diggie can't you see?
sometimes your words just dazzle me
and I just love your glamorous ways
that's why we're so stifled and you're so made.

last line sucks...can't think of how to end it.
borrowed it from a famous rap by Notorious B.I.G.

Biggie, Biggie, Biggie can't you see?
Sometimes your words just hypnotize me
And I just love your flashy ways
Guess that's why they broke and you're so paid

My son and students used to rap it to themselves
and so did I for awhile. I liked the beat.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Words? Dazzle? Yikes. Blushing!!! Ahem. You are too kind. Merci.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Ah. Yes. Some men are indeed more perfect than others. As are some women. I often wonder if perhaps the biggest source of unhappiness in the world stems from the idea that there is someone out there who will meet all our needs, and then some. Often times we are akin to needful irksome children, waiting, nay demanding to be feed, instead of healthy adults asking if there is anyone who might need us. Men and women both.

It seems to me that a bank can be metaphor for life, whereby emotional currency gets put in and drawn out . There are times that one gets out of the bank of life what one puts in, and sometimes one gets back something else - something unexpected, and perhaps unwanted, another depositors energy gets mixed up with yours, and there seems no way to sort it out so that everyone gets what they want. Men and women both want to be respected for their deposits towards a healthy bank account of life, and often times we are so busy counting our shekles of silver and fretting over losses, and don't look up to see how rich we really are.

We are very much the "is this all there is? " generation waiting for the perfect thing to commit to - the perfect job, the perfect love , all the perfects that will always elude us even as we chase after these things, biting our own tail in the process as we run in circles. Often times we trade in the things we have for something we think we want, and find that the things we had, was perfect for it's time in our life after all, and would have improved, had we only stopped to think of the other, and not ourselves.

What do women want? Often I hear the word fulfillment bandied about so often it sounds like an elusive gemstone, to be bartered for or purchased, or stolen from another. rather than what it is, a simple ideal. One can look too hard for fulfillment and one can not look hard enough, and regardless of what one does, it's just a carrot on a stick, and only you can fill yourself up (if you stop running and chasing and yearning) so that your life will have meant something, with or without any one else. Paying attention to what you want is not so much about what others want or have, it's about knowing yourself well enough to know what you want. To learn this, one must stop and listen to oneself closely, and ignore the world.

[Chez moi]

Diana. *sigh* You're on a roll.

When I wish for more than I have I try always to remember to be careful what I ask for. I have been tempted, but the idea of landing in the fire makes my cramped little frying pan suddenly seem capacious, luxurious, serene. I realize how much freedom I have to think, to live, to be... but that doesn't mean I am always happy, for all that.

Of course I have no teenagers or ex's making demands or invading my space. There are blessings to count...

So what do I want??? If only I knew. There is no point in trying to imagine; what I can imagine may not exist. I can only make the best of what I have and leave the door open to possibilities which I must evaluate, each one on a case-by-case basis. And there too, I must be careful not to project my unrealistic imagination onto the reality which presents itself. Not an easy task.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Thks. Chez. I'm working on a series of essays and the above is a patch together of some thoughts I've been stitched together.

I don't want a man to fulfill me. I don't need a man at all, even though I'm happy I'm spending time with one that I care deeply for, who cherishes me in return. I know he admires me for my fortitude and independence, even when I am leaning on him, and I admire him for his open heartiness, his exuberance, and his protectiveness, which is to say - he appreciates and applauds the fact that I can stand on my own, so it is easier for me to be protective, and to be protected.

Sanctuary is often all we want, any of us. A safe harbour where we can trust and be trusted, and still be independent and free.

There are givers and there are takers and there are those who are shaded shadows of grey, neither one nor the other and thus never satisfied by anyone, and within this dichotomy there are perhaps only two valid ways we can approach life. One way is as a victim - the other, as a gallant fighter. One must decide if one wants to act - or react . And if you don't decide which way to play the game of life, it always plays with you.

We are so busy running about reading and talking and studying and trying to learn how to make people respond in the manner that we would have them do to suit our ever present and shifting agendas. The fact is that nothing works but to learn to trust yourself, and once you learn that every encounter makes you stronger - especially the ones you lose, you will no longer be afraid of losing, and will then become a gallant fighter, operating on the offensive, rather than on the defense. Let the best things in life, come to you.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Chez wrote:
"When I wish for more than I have I try always to remember to be careful what I ask for."

Whilst everything that you wrote vibrated to me personally, ( having, like you, no particular encumbrances either), the above line struck a deep cord. I was engaged in a lovely correspondence for a while with a chap on TBD1 and we were chatting about relationships. We both agreed that as "content" as one may be - there is "always something" that is not quite there, that is not quite right, it's never quite perfect.

Nor will it ever be. So we find others (or things- or activities) to fill the gaps - all to varying levels of degree, and it's when there are glaring pot holes - and we've fallen into those ruts, that we start wishing for something or someone other, and quite often we attract what we need, whether it is right for us or not.

"A case by case" basis of evaluation. I like this Chez. And I am so deeply empathetic to "projecting my unrealistic imagination onto the realty which presents itself." "Not an easy task" - indeed. Yet, as the saying goes, the only constant in life is change. I'm open to the idea of synchronicity and am watchful for it's advent in my life.

Just because a thing seems impossible today, does not make it less of a potent dream for tomorrow.

[Maricel Evasco]

Ok...I'm back and in a very happy mood. I know I am sounding bipolar considering my tone this morning was one of immense fury. I decided to be proactive in keeping my emotions on even keel so I harassed my kids to go with me to Woodstock, NY. My son declined, but my daughter and her best friend came along. The weather was perfect, the drive scenic, and I had a nice time meandering around the little artsy shops in town by myself, while my daughter and her best friend went their way. I spent at least 1/2 hr browsing through my favorite store: Modern Mythology. I bought a couple of Reiki candles and some other occultish stuff I like to study. Along Tinker Street I saw retro hippi s, sitting like stoned gnomes on the bench. I went into a few antique and jewelry stores and bought myself 2 pairs of earrings. It was a wonderful afternoon in general. I have some photos, but I'll try to load them later. I'm tired coz just got back 1/2 hr ago. I just want to share my excitement.

Woodstock is a PERFECT location for a TeeBeeDee meet up. It is about 2 hrs north of Manhattan, but there is a closer airport- Newburgh which is only 30 min away from the town. It is more a woman's town than anything else....quaint little shops, antique stores, a lot of art galleries. My 1st stop was at the Sensual Photography gallery. I loved looking at the nude portraits. I was mulling earlier about what is it that I want. I want to explore in greater depth my talent in photography and poetry. I've kept these desires banked because I am always harried during the school year. I also want to continue traveling. I have traveled extensively already, but I still want to find out what's just around the bend. My best friend wants us to plan for a vacation at the Amalfi Coast sometime in the next 3 yrs. I'm hoping I can go. As for a man, I'd don't need one to complete me, but I do miss the intimate aspects of romantic relationships. There is just so much my fingers can do...since I don't use BOB (Battery Operated BF) which imo opinion is a poor substitute for the real thing. lol That's another thing I'd like to explore, my sexuality, that too has been banked down while dealing with the responsibilities of my career and motherhood. I would also like to explore the different paths of spirituality. They can only enlighten my own. I've begun reading about the chakras and energy healing. A lady is working with me on cleansing my auric field..... I guess I'm off to a good start since I at least have some directions on how I can manage my self transformation.

I hope more of you keep sharing your wants and desires. (is their a difference?)

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Good way to deal with your ansgt Maricel ! Interesting little travel log too.

Maricel wrote: Wants and desires. Is there a difference? Perhaps. If there is something I want badly enough, I will turn my attention to it with a singular passion and disciplined dedication. As to desires, I desire all sorts of things - sometimes it's a fleeting desire, sometimes it's a mischievous desire, sometimes it's an unattainable desire. Sometimes all I want is what I most desire. Desire can be a fickle emotion. Want strikes me as a more determined notion.