Frustration

[Angharad]

So close and yet so far away...

[Angharad]

knowing what could be
watching it all slip away
snow melts on her lips

[PartTimeBrewer]

A toilet that leaks

A bathroom floor all awarp

House full of plumbers

[Angharad]

Haha! How often that seems to be true. 

[Angharad]

so near yet so far
everything you've ever dreamed--
open the window!

[BellaG]

Lol. I miss the Far Side!

[Angharad]

Me too! I was never much for cartoons, but Larson's humor suited me perfectly. 

[BellaG]

I awake with a start

Fear prickles in my belly

What am I to do?

[Angharad]

Ewwwwww. This one really gets to me right now, Bella. I'll be hoping for no more wake ups like that for you!

I can relate. The electricity will be out all night for the next 6 nights where I live. I'm usually awake all night working on my computer, or some such. It's going to be SCARY! 

board of public works...
a frustrating bunch of boobs
dumb and short-sighted

Is that too harsh??! Hahaha!

[BellaG]

The struggles and pain

force me to dive deep within

and get past myself.

The struggles and pain

force me to dive deep within,

to confront my fears.

The struggles and pain

reacquainted my ego

with authentic me.

The authentic self

has brought sense to the ego.

Now I am at peace.

Life still speeds and swirls

around me. Nothing changed there.

Yet I am at peace.

[Angharad]

Without knowing the specifics of your "struggles and pain," Bella, I'm sending love and good energy your way. You are a lovely person who is kind and supportive, and I am drawn to your heart. It is wonderful to read that you have found peace for now (and I hope forever) with the life of the flesh.

As a child, I began to see the flesh as an entity unto itself--impermanent, needy, wanting things now (all understandable), and the soul as a separate entity--eternal, whole, patient (also all understandable), and I believed these two live in a symbiotic relationship. I saw that real duality as the source of our inner and outer conflicts. I still believe that. But in these last years, my belief in an eternal and sentient soul (and not in a Christian sense) has been shaken, and I find myself lost without that long view in which I believed we would all find some form of balance. I can relate to the process you describe. I have experienced it. Just not for a while.

joy in the finding...
stillness inside the chaos
peace within the pain

[BellaG]

I feel what you are saying, Angharad. I have felt lost in that void you describe also.

It's funny how this connection with the timeless part of ourselves ebbs and wains through our lives.

As of late, mine reaches out to me in my "earthly frustrations" that I feel powerless to deal with. Sentient soul? Guardian angel? Whatever, whoever, is concretely and obviously communicating I am loved and cared for. I still feel powerless, but I now have the unconditional support to accept such and let go of the overwhelming anxiety I was feeling. Sending love and light that you feel your peace also. Thank you for your kindness and consideration, and for allowing expression that heals on your Haiku discussion:)

[Angharad]

Thank you, Bella.

For so many years my haiku were upbeat and joyful. Mutual love was the power that made all my problems fade into insignificance. Now I use the haiku as therapy to work on some of the difficult feelings (but not all, because I think I was scaring my poor friend metub4 ツ ). It's lovely that poetry gives us a way both to mourn & to celebrate. You enrich the whole experience.