You're killing me Smalls.....

[Jaylee53]

This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!

 

http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

 

 

 

I mean it...... :-)

[TeeBubbaDee]

[TeeBubbaDee]

[flippr 2.0]

[flippr 2.0]

[Aggie]

[Aggie]

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband, “She’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long.”

[TeeBubbaDee]

[flippr 2.0]

[officerripley]

A drunken guy who'd obviously been partying hard for days--smelled like booze, clothes all stained, face & collar plastered with lipstick, half-empty bottle of gin sticking out of his coat pocket, several empty condom wrappers falling out of his pocket--sits down on a subway next to a priest, opens his newspaper and begins reading. The priest leans away from the guy in disgust.

 

After a few minutes the drunken guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say Father, do you know what causes arthritis?

 

The priest replies angrily, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, using any form of birth control, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

 

The drunk mutters in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returns to his paper.

 

The priest, thinking about what he'd said, nudges the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry.  I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

 

The drunk answers, "Oh, I don't have it, Father; I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A drunken guy who'd obviously been partying hard for days--smelled like booze, clothes all stained, face & collar plastered with lipstick, half-empty bottle of gin sticking out of his coat pocket, several empty condom wrappers falling out of his pocket--sits down on a subway next to a priest, opens his newspaper and begins reading. The priest leans away from the guy in disgust.

 

After a few minutes the drunken guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say Father, do you know what causes arthritis?

 

The priest replies angrily, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, using any form of birth control, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

 

The drunk mutters in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returns to his paper.

 

The priest, thinking about what he'd said, nudges the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry.  I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

 

The drunk answers, "Oh, I don't have it, Father; I was just reading here that the Pope does."

[flippr 2.0]

AHHHHHH HAHA

[flippr 2.0]

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!

[Aggie]

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while another blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”