I feel the need

[LoveLife&Laughter]

..the need to tell a joke.

[LoveLife&Laughter]

FROZEN CRABS AND THE BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
>
> A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and 
> asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.  She took 
> the box and promised to
> put it in the crew's refrigerator.  He advised her that he was holding her 
> personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant 
> manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened
> what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.
>
> Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to 
> the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, 
> please raise your hand?"
>
> Not one hand went up...  so she took them home and ate them.
>
> There are two lessons here:
> 1.  Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
> 2.  Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.

[officerripley]

Good one (1 of us blondes wins for once ;-), thanks!

[officerripley]

How about this one:

A mathematician, a physicist, and a lawyer are each asked, "How much is two and two?"

The mathematician says, "Two and two are four.  Always four. Four point zero."

The physicist thinks a minute and says, "It's somewhere between three point eight and four point two."

The lawyer says, "'How much is two and two?'  How much do you want it to be?"

--from New Frontiers by Ben Bova

[officerripley]

Or how about this one:

A clergyman, an M.D., a lawyer, and a scientist had been playing golf together for years.  One day, they got stuck playing behind a foursome of young men who were playing terribly: taking forever, hitting the ball terribly, stumbling around, although they didn't appear to be under the influence of anything, but just frustrated the heck out of the older foursome. So when they finally got done, the older foursome went to the golf pro & complained about the young men.  The pro says, "Oh, remember that fire we had here at the golf course earlier this year? Well, those 4 young guys playing in front of you are 4 of the firefighters who responded & saved the clubhouse from burning down but were unfortunately almost completely blinded by the smoke.  So to thank them, we let them play for free."  Embarrassed silence and then the clergyman says, "Oh those poor young men; I had no idea! You know, I'm going to have my whole congregation pray for them!"  The M.D. says, "I'll talk to everybody I know in the medical field and find out if there are any experimental eye surgeries that might help these poor young men!"  And the lawyer says, "And I know a lot of people in Washington, D.C.; I'll see if there are any government grants that might help to pay for such surgery." A pause, then everybody else looks at the scientist who, with a frown on his face, says, "What?!  I don't see what the big deal about this is; why can't those guys just play at night?!"

[ProblemAgain]

Andrea  found out that her Schnauzer could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, trimmed the hair, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then told Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this  from recurring, she should go to the store and get some Nair hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some Nair hair remover.  

At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." 

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either.  If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said  "Well... stay off your bicycle for about a week." 

[officerripley]

A Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Hindi, and an atheist all walk into a bar.  Bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

[LoveLife&Laughter]

This not a joke LOL, but it is an Internet Sensation...

Two African American gentlemen have a marketing plan to jump-start their new business: