You're killing me Smalls.....

[Jaylee53]

This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!

 

http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

 

 

 

I mean it...... :-)

[TeeBubbaDee]

[flippr 2.0]

[Aggie]

Reasons You Should Buy a New Car

Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.

Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14-year-old on a moped.

The 15-minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for three days.

When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

Thieves repeatedly break in to your car just to steal the "Club."

While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was

hurt.

For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while

in the driveway.

You keep losing dates on left turns

[Aggie]

Night Out Dancing

A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife's months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

[Aggie]

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[Aggie]

The Cat in the House Story

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The
cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want
the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the
night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said,
as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to
poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take
off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

[Aggie]

Presidents Day

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter
and I asked her, What day is February 16, 2015?"

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!"

She's smart, so I asked her, "What does Presidents Day mean?

I waited for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc.
She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps
out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another
year of Bull Crap."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

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[Aggie]

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