Funny dating stories

[Grandma Helen]

I'm sure if we all think about it, if we've been out on dates since we became single again, that there are some really funny stories.  Let's share ours and see who's is funniest. 

[Mickchick]

I haven't dated many people at all so not too many funny stories - but the funniest/strangest ones were all guys I met through online dating sites.  One guy I met had posted that he was looking for someone to be "friends first" and then see where it went from there.  We met for a drink in the late afternoon.  He spent the entire time talking about his ex-wife, how much he loved her, how good he was to her, and how beautiful she was.  I felt like I should have been being paid to listen since I felt like more like a counselor than a date, lol!  He insisted on walking me to my car, then grabbed me and tried to stick his tongue down my throat!  I pushed him away and said - hey, weren't you the one who wanted to just see if we could be friends first??!!  He said, oh, yeah, I guess I was, and then I never heard from him again.  Which saved me the trouble of telling him that it wasn't working for me! Hmm...talking about your ex and how beautiful and wonderful she was and how good you were to her and she left you anyway as an aphrodisiac??   Interesting  plan ... didn't work for me, though!

Another one showed up at Starbuck's in a ripped, dirty t-shirt and jeans, and proceeded to tell me how good I'd look stretched out on his couch - first time I ever laid eyes on him - he too, insisted on walking me to my car, then I did the duck and cover trying to avoid getting kissed ...

Another one called right before I was leaving to meet him to say that he had had car trouble and asked if I could pick HIM up on the way to our meeting place (at a Joe Muggs near where HE lived).  Okay, it happens, and it was in the 90's that day, so I did.  Turns out his car had been in the shop since before he had made the date, he didn't have the money to pay for the work that had been done and he was unemployed.  Really???  And you're on a dating site looking for women?  He called me the next day to invite me to "meet" him at the Chik-fil-A near his apartment for lunch and got offended when I told him thanks, but I had been in the pool, was dripping wet, AND had just finished eating lunch so I'd have to pass him up on his offer. 

Yeah... so much for the online dating sites... I used to stick my toe in about once a year, and that's what always came out attached to my toe, so I gave up, lol!  At least I don't have any REAL horror stories to tell

[ozzieowl]

[Woody Woods]

I've been using on line dating sites for years. I don't drink and hang out in bars, so it's been the best place for me. But.....I have had a few crazy encounters.....lol. I found out that one of the things you have to careful of are pictures. Yep....pictures....lol. For some reason some folks will post a picture on their profile that might be 10-20 years old. So when you do meet them in person, it can be a total shock. They either look 10-20 years older than their picture or 50-100 pounds heavier than their picture.....lol. Happened to me several times. I call it......"false advertising".....lol.

Had one date where she showed up with so much alcohol on her breath, I think I got high by contact...lol. But I've had a couple good relationships from on line dating. One lasted almost 5 years. The reasons it ended is because she wanted to get married and I didn't. Come to think of it.....that's how most of my relationships ended. They all wanted to get married and I didn't....lol. The good thing is, I'm still friends with most of them and a couple did go on to get married.

I know women have to be a little more careful when it comes to on line dating and my advice would be.....communicate through email for a while until you feel comfortable with giving out your phone number. And then get to know the person a little more talking by phone. Ask questions.......and if you feel comfortable after that, then meet face to face. If you don't like drinkers....ask if they drink. If you don't like smokers....ask if they smoke. (dammit, just ruled myself out on that one....lol) If they say their car is on the shop....politely say that you can wait until it's out the shop.

On line dating can be fun. You just have to weed out the good from the bad.

[ozzieowl]

You said "If they say their car is on the shop....politely say that you can wait until it's out the shop."

so, so good  -       

[Suthinsoul]

The first date I had after my divorce was set up by a friend of mine.  She said this guy was really cute and had just broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years.  I figured I'd been married for 12 so maybe I was more broken than he was, so I agreed to meet him at a resturant for dinner.  He was really cute as she said and we smiled at each other and I felt an immediate attraction.  We got our table and the conversation immediately went to his former relationship.  He started telling me about this amazing woman he'd loved and her even more amazing little boy who he missed terribly.  Then he began to tear up a little.  The more he talked about the boy, however, the louder the sobs got until he was all in uncontrolable grief and crying very loudly.  The other patrons in the resturant were looking at me like I was the meanest person in the world while this poor guy was crying out of control.  I tried my best to console him which seem to just make it worse.  So I appologized to him and left.  The next day he called me and a bit emotionally told me that his MOTHER had told him he should move on and I was the best thing for him and he decided he'd stick with me.  I told him that was NOT going to happen but thanks so much. 

I don't think dating at this point in my life is really "funny".  It's tragic.  I have a LOT of stories but none are funny.  I think there are so many people who have experienced so much sadness in their romantic history it's difficult to find a positive realationship.  I think this is sad because we all have so much to offer but we remain alone because it's just too painful to love again.  I'd LOVE to find someone who's ready to live again, cause I'm at that point.  Unfortunately the ones who I think I can relate to are too far away or they are not interested in letting anyone close to their heart anymore for fear of being hurt.  I know I will never live up to someone's memory of the person they loved before, but I know I can make their future brighter than it is now.  I just need that chance.

[Woody Woods]

Sorry you feel that way Suthin. But don't give up. Life is like a book with many chapters. Some sad, some funny. I'm no psychologist and don't pretend to be one, but from my experience it seems like some people will bring their baggage with them into the next relationship. Rather than leave it behind and start new. And we all have some type of baggage....especially anyone over 40 who has been divorced and in and out of relationships.....like me...lol. Finding the right person is always the key to any relationship and part of that is honesty. Even though I've been single all my life, most of my friends are married. A couple in their second marriage, which has lasted longer than the first. And what they all say is that they learned from the first marriage and being honest is part of what kept their second marriage together. Of course they had problems like any marriage but they worked at it and came through it.....and most of my married friends have been married for over 30 years, my brother's marriage included. You will run into some ass holes....and you did right telling that one dude it wasn't going to happen....lol. But there are some good ones out there. Men who will treat you the way you want to be treated. Don't give up. The right one will eventually come along........

[Suthinsoul]

I'm open to love but I don't want to get married again.  I think living with someone 24/7 kills love, but that's just me.  I want to love someone but I want my own space as well.  Guess I'm  selfish.  I want someone who's loving and intelligent but who has their own place to go when we've enjoyed each other beyond belief.  I think we all need that quiet time to regenerate and then come back to one another.  It's extremely difficult to find someone who believes as I do.  Guess that's why I've been alone for 17 years.  I believe in love just not the forever kind unless you limit your time together.  I LOVE men....I love men who love women....I want that special time with a special person but it doesn't mean you have to live together or marry.  You just have to know that person is special and love them unconditionally and send them home... LOL!!

 

[Woody Woods]

Now that's something we agree on. My problem is that I can't live under the same roof with anyone 24/7. It drives me craaaaazy. I would have gotten married a while ago, but everyone (4) that I was engaged to didn't like the idea of living apart......lol.......go figure.........

[Suthinsoul]

Same here.  It's like they give you an "all but nothing".  A piece of paper is not going to make me love you more.  I care about your heart.  If I love you, I will be true to you.  I'm surprised at the number of people who don't trust that.  They think something legal is going to make you true to them....Noooooo!  It's the heart that makes it true...not a legal piece of paper.

[ozzieowl]

I whole-heartedly agree with you Suthinsoul,

and I believe there are many positive benefits for these type of relationships

for both partners equally.

Good relationship books will tell us also,

that if we have just come from ending a relationship,

the wisest thing to do is wait for around 2 years before

entering into another serious/committed one so as to 

give ourselves time to reflect and recover.

Then again, I remember a motivational counselor once saying -

"If your relationship has come to an end, don't sit around

fretting and feeling sorry for yourself, get your self up 

and run out into the middle of the road,

waving your hands high and shouting - 

NEXT !!!

[Kim]

I have had quite a few dates as a result of online dating sites. You know, Woody, i have heard what you're saying over and over again about the pictures not being accurate and they arent who they SAID they are....ALL BY MEN!! KUDOS to the men who in every case (for me) have been accurate in their picture and their profiles. But just because they seem like your perfect match on paper sometimes certain gestures, characteristics, habits, a goofy laugh or an annoying voice can be a deal breaker!!

My WORST date started out "not so bad"....we had talked online for a few weeks and I even "talked" to his kids who were fascinated with my tales of my NOW GROWN children's MANY pets over the years...slightly unusual and normal domestic ones. (especially my daughter who raised and bred some birds and lizards, etc. in her teens and 20's) Well, our first (and last) date was at THE ZOO which suited me fine!!  He had custody of his children so I knew it wouldnt be easy. Well, his kids were very sweet and he seemed pretty good too as we were walking through the zoo but one thing that made me uncomfortable was how he freely talked "shit" about their mother. She was a WICCAN, a druggie, slut, among other things. She sounded like a real piece of work but no matter WHAT she is, it is NOT right to talk about things like that in front of 7 and 11 year olds. ESPECIALLY when THOSE kids have to go stay with her every weekend. AFTER the zoo, we went to eat. As the kids ran ahead to the restaurant, he proceeded to tell me he is a Manic Depressant and gets REALLY bad in winter and almost suicidal at times but his "kids" need him and blah blah blah so he DOESNT! We had talked about God a little online and got into some good discussions but  didnt learn until a break from the kids at the zoo that his Gods are the sun and trees and stuff and that the GODDESS necklace around his neck he needed to PURIFY in a ceremony to scare away the demons or SOMETHING!! I'm open to other people's beliefs but this was too much for me to consider as a lifestyle. AFTER dinner, we went back to his place which I NEVER do but being with the kids, I thought WHATS THE HARM? We played frisbee and football outside till it got dark. When we went inside....He told me his kids and him like to walk around naked in the evenings and watch TV and stuff. But he would "WAIT a while" before they did THAT. (OH THANK GOD!!) He asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I said SURE...I'm thinking something like OH...Toy Story? Flipper? Wizard of Oz?  He said OH have you seen THIS? My kids LOVE THIS!!!  It was SOMETHING Taboo from the 70's, a "Cult Classic" or something. Well, WHATEVER it was, there was a whole lot of SEX in it and someone talking about Dildos in one segment. Well, the kids went to bed, I said goodnight and went home myself. Oh, and the bathroom was SO dirty, I bet there was 4 inches of SCUM on the toilet water's surface not to mention the sink, even the SOAP. THe house itself was a wreck and though I dont usually pay too much attention, this was TOO BAD not to take notice!!

[Woody Woods]

Sounds like he was a nut case.....lol. I've had a couple of those too. I used the pictures as my example because that's what I was most disappointed in. As you got to know this guy, you saw and heard things that made red flags go up.....you took notice and ran like hell.....which I don't blame you one bit. I would have done the same....lol. He shouldn't have been talking like that in front of his kids, plus there's always 2 sides to every story. Wonder what she had to say about him?????......Hope you have better luck next time........