Good Morning Everyone

[Grandma Helen]

Hope everyone is having a nice day today.  Anyone have any jokes to bring a smile to our faces.  Please keep them within the TBD guidelines.  Happy Thursday all.

[Zochitl]

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,

Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

HaHa - What were you thinking?

 

[Suthinsoul]

Oh that's hillarious!!!!  Now I have to wash the coffee I spit out my nose off my computer screen!!

[Grandma Helen]

I did go for a walk Phil.  Sun's out but it's cold and windy.  Still enjoyed it. 

[Shadowman]

Hope this is within the guidelines, if not, then delete it.

From the Adam & Eve Department:

 

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability".

Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to! Please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It'd be so great! When I'm out working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly! It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please!!"

 

On and on he went, like an excited little boy who..., well,...had to pee.

 

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability. And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his micturation while in a vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.

 

"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left in here?"

 

"Oh yes," he said, "Multiple orgasms..."

[Suthinsoul]

HEHE!  Good things come to those who wait.  :)

[Grandma Helen]

These are good!