I MUST BE AT THE WRONG TABLE

[Mark Joel Lane]

On a recent Saturday evening, my wife and I attended a bar-mitzvah reception at a Long Island restaurant/caterer. Our table seating card read Table NO.2 where we were seated with a bunch of strangers including curmudgeons,merry widows,and a pair of married folks who looked about our age,(60).

As there was no prime rib I hoped to order offered, I opted for the salmon filet over the chicken marsala . I'm trying to incorporate more fish in my diet,one of my few healthier habits.

Our salad was a plate of leaves: red, green, and maroon. I don't eat leaves. What am I? A Giraffe? Only the twigs and ladybug beetles were missing on my plate. Why not just serve me a single serving Bonzai tree so I could dig in?

As I guzzled down my 4th glass of red wine, (more health food), after joining hands doing the Hora and hokey pokeying,the music the DJ was playing for the rest of the evening was unrecognizable to me. My wife knew Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas, Yes ,I had heard of them from music award shows. BUT...No Beatles, The Stones, The Who - even the Back Street Boys is old stuff now. The traditional Village People's "YMCA" was never played. The party had mostly children attending. I counted three adult tables,including ours. Still, I felt some music for our generation would have been more appropriate.

There were, unfortunately, no grandparents of the bar-mitzvah boy alive today, and no great aunts or uncles either from what I observed. Where were the elderly folks? They couldn't all be deceased. Most people at my table looked older than me, though their kids were in elementary or middle schools. Our daughter, unable to attend this gala event, is a senior at an upstate New York university. Suddenly the frightening horrific reality hit me. There was an old folks table. I was sitting at it !!! What's going on here? I must be at the wrong table. I wasn't even offered chicken nuggets or spaghetti. I can't believe I enjoyed the salmon. Change my table, please !!

[The Wolfdancer]

I was there with you in spirit ! Just on a different day !

Sigh....just yesterday, a friend was complaining about his kids, his will be making him a grandad, at age 40....no I dont judge, however I did judge and eyeball when he complained how OLD he felt/was/is and he'd turned 40! Gah ! He however did redeem himself with an incredible knowledge of the Beatles, Stones and other 'oldies' his words not mine, because his parents drilled it into him har har...I told him my mom took me to see the Stones when I was uh 14 (true, she did...she took me and my bestie friend and held her ears shut the whole time, also took me to two Bealtes concerts, two !) and you could see him trying to figure out the 'math'.

I'm 60...I'm older but I aint old and if I am 'old' by some definition by a generation that I wonder about sometimes well then I'm glad I can tell you any just about Classic Rock song from the first few seconds, I know the birthdays of all of the Beatles, and I saw Chad and Jeremy (who?) live and the Dave Clark Five.

Yes, we'd have had a good time at the old folks table, and fyi: I do a mean step to Lady Gaga !

peace !