The end of courtship?

[Serenity]

Does it affect Boomers as well

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html...

MAYBE it was because they had met on OkCupid. But when the dark-eyed musician with artfully disheveled hair asked Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, out on a “date” Friday night, she was expecting at least a drink, one on one.

“At 10 p.m., I hadn’t heard from him,” said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”

Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But in retrospect, she might have adjusted her expectations. “The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary,” Ms. Silver said. “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.”

“It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five,” she added...  (end snip of story)

[Serenity]

I use a smart phone.  I manage my calendar, can dictate documents on my 4S, text, email, and do web-based research - I also run a photoblog from it and the primary photo I now use is the iPhone.  I also have phone based apps to manipulate photos and two additional software cameras in the phone.  If I had to chose between a computer, an iPhone and an iPad I'd go with the iPhone - which is a very powerful hand-held computer, music player, web browser and many other things.  However, if I were retired and pretty much stayed home all the time I'd probably not use a computer for a phone.  What is smart about using a smart phone?  Everything.  That's my answer to that slam. 

I am HoH so I use it far less as a phone than I do as a mobile computer.  Don't diss text. As we get older we lose hearing.  My last hearing aid that was blue tooth compatible cost $3K.  By age 75 over half of us will have moderate to profound hearing loss.  You will be happy to have text as an alternative if you can't talk on the phone or even hear people well.  

I actually didn't bring this up as a chance to beat up on new technology (although people read things as they will) but how society is changing.  It isn't good or bad - it is just is.

Those of you who talk on the phone still have good hearing - or good enough to do it.  

In about 2 weeks I'm getting my first land-line based captioned phone.  I'm looking at a Video-Phone (to use with terps) and also a captioned cell to use in addition to my iPhone since hearing is hard for me and miscommunications are frequent.  

[Ursula]

Just for the record, I've been retired for 9 years and I lead a very active life between volunteering and taking classes at the local university.  I don't feel that I'm missing out because I don't have a smart phone.  I understand the importance for some people, I just don't think everyone needs one, that means me!  I love my laptop and think it's amazing, but I seldom take it with me.  The first computer I ever saw filled a room and used punch cards.  We've come a long way!!

[Serenity]

Same with me - I remember punch cards - but I also remember oil and bead computers that predated them.  My first personal computer didn't have a hard drive and I had to learn BASIC to use it.  Now I am happy to have all kinds of technology at my fingertips to make my life easier.  I could not take a class at a university without adaptive equipment.  

How many women here (raise your hands please) want to go back to whipping cream by hand?  Making butter by hand?  Making cakes by hand? (No electricity, please!) 

We don't even realize how much our world has changed an how what we consider "normal" is really a new technology.  I remember making the butter and whipping the cream and making cake by hand.  It wasn't all that.  I'm happy to live in today's world. :)  Happy, happy, happy!  I do take my laptop or iPad with me for various things - they go to the law library and to court and when visiting other lawyers, to my kid's home, etc.  I'm wired in wherever I go.  

[Grandma Helen]

Serenity, your reasons for using texting more than talking on the phone is because of your hearing loss.  That's a very valid reason.  The younger generation use it more than talking.  My kids communicate with me that way.  I still talk to them, but not like I used to.  Without the smartphone I refused to text.  It was too much work. 

Like what the article was about with the way dating and courting is going is what would bother me.  I think while many of us have bought into technology not everyone our age has.  That's fine too.  If I dated someone, I would want to hear his voice.  I have a friend who is extremely hard of hearing and even with his very expensive hearing aids, if he's not sitting somewhere very quiet the conversations are very difficult.  My hearing loss is still not too bad.  It's more still where it gets amusing when I think I heard one thing that had nothing to do with the conversation.  I just ask whoever to repeat it. 

 

[Serenity]

The younger generation can communicate with the Deaf.  That's something I like.  You can get free texting on your computer using an app.  

The article actually reminds me of when kids used to go out in clumps rather than as singles.  And yes, I told a friend of mine who was texting during a wedding ceremony that if he didn't put it away I'd throw it into the tower of chocolate.  He BTW, is in his 40's and chasing after 50 hard.  

My granddaughter (almost 16) texts, but she also engages with her friends IRL.  She is in sports and as long as she is in sports she will be talking with people on the hockey field or football field.  She is not an Internet addict, doesn't play computer games, is a straight A student and will probably get a scholarship to college.  

This phase will pass just like every other phase.  God only knows what will replace it. 

[Serenity]

Laughing - I had hoped to have a conversation about cultural changes.  Our parents thought we were insane and horribly raised people.  We had no manners and we had that awful rock and roll stuff.  Girls screamed and passed out and wore almost no clothes (think the 20's - flappers).  Boys had long hair and there were those dirty hippies.  (ROFL) 

The people in Europe and England during the days of the waltz were simply scandalized when the younger generations began TOUCHING  OMG, can you believe it?  

I think exactly the same thing is happening with seniors who use dating sites.  People think it is still the 1960's but it is not.  It's now - today.  It has everything many of us dreamed about and now we reject it.  LOL  It doesn't make us superior or better - we're the generation that is fading into the sunset.  We don't understand (or most of us don't) how the world has changed and most of us get upset with the changes we see.  We don't like change - and we used to call our parents "squares" for doing the same thing. 

Bless Brad Paisley for this song...

[Serenity]

Steve, think of what it is like for a solider Dad or Mom overseas to be able to text or email his/her kids every day. Think of how a child might treasure the text that says "I love you son." when his Dad is dead. :'(  It will be the old letters of former wars.  Consider that Mom's and Dads at war can take videos and photos and send them home to their spouses and children showing Mom/Dad is okay and being able to send their love.  Consider the roll cell phones played in 9/11. Because of them some seriously heroic people took a plane right out of the sky and saved how many lives?  We can text in silence - text can to to a police department without the criminal being any the wiser. 

There are so many things we can do with this stuff. So many good and wonderful things. I can take Bodhran lessons online from teachers in Ireland and then go to my Irish Celtic Druid group in NH and have skills I can use for reels and jigs.  As well as announcing the next war with the tin whistle player.   LOL 

I remember wishing there was AC in a car when we drove from Idaho to California and went through Death Valley at night so we could survive the heat.  I would never want to go back to the 50's or 60's.  Never. 

Or as a wise person said - Yesterday is a memory.  Tomorrow is a Dream.  Today is all we have - that is why they call it the Present. 

[Serenity]

Steve,  

There is a thought that the more conservative one is the more resistive one becomes to change later in life and that both conservatism and resistance to change may be genetic.  I've been following that train of thought in the pop science rags for a long time.  I don't know if we will ever know the answer. Of course, if that is true then flexibility and moderation or liberal attitudes would also be genetic or at least a genetic switch than can be triggered by something environmental.

I also have insatiable curiosity about so many things - from DNA to quantum physics.  If I got resistive to new information or new ways of doing things I'd be unable to inquire into all my favorite things.  In fact, I should have my genetics testing kit early next week and once I acquire the amount of saliva they want I'll send it promptly back so that in about 6 weeks I will have my own sequencing to determine everything from genetic predispositions to illnesses to my genealogy. But, I fear, I digress.  

My late husband was also very resistive to most change and from my perspective it limited (and probably shortened) his life.  

It is probably not surprising I'd likely feel right at home on a realtime star trek or babylon five.  When I was a kid I always hoped I could be a pioneer on Mars or something.  Maybe those of us who push the envelope are just explorers at heart while the others keep the home fires burning?

[Eaglewoman]

Back to the courtship, my youngest son and his wife meet on line, she lived back east and he lived here in the west. They just celebrated their 14 th ann. And I am the lucky one, he had to go along way to meet a wonderful girl, she takes very good care of me.

[Serenity]

Some people do meet others online.  In fact, I met my late husband online.  However, I can attest to the fact that (despite the fact we were married for years) that had I known him IRL first we'd never have become a couple. And that would have been a good thing. I loved him, but we were really a very poor match at the core. I deserved a lot better than I got and I'm sure he felt the same way.  

I'm so happy things turned out well for your son and daughter-in-law, Eaglewoman.

[Grandma Helen]

The only part of dating these days that makes me glad I'm not dating is the Hi, want to fool around mentality.  I need to know someone first. 

[Karin M Fichtner]

I am not at all unhappy with technology.  I do see great things in today's world.  I have a grandson-in-law in the Army, deployed to So. Korea.  My granddaughter and great granddaughter are in Illinois, where I just spent Christmas.  Sebrina went out in the fields and, for the very first time, cut down her own Christmas tree.  That night.....via Skype.....Zane got to watch her and the little one decorate that tree.  Amazing!  And from Korea....via the Internet....Zane ordered the biggest dang dollhouse I've ever seen....to send home in time for Christmas morning.  And then he got to see the look on her face when she saw it.  Miraculous! 

As for the dating scene....I think we seniors are picking up the bad habits of the younger set.  Most of the men I meet just want to "use it while they still have it".  They have a little pill that has given them new life.....and they are going to get the most out of it while they can.  Before I get attacked......this is not all men......I am well aware of that.  Only the fellows I seemed to meet on the dating sites.  Some starting calling me "Angel" and "Babe" in the first emails I got!  In my day, they would have called that "cheeky".  Do women really fall for that stuff?  I mean.....I could be the biggest witch east of the Mississippi.....and he's calling me "Angel"?

By the way, Helen......that last interception of the Ravens was a bad call.  Just remember....we don't get mad.....we get even.  ;-)