TBD on Ning
Parts
This thread is for those parts of tales we’ve written – inspired beginnings (or middles and endings) and flashes of brilliance that came out of nowhere – only to mysteriously disappear as quickly as they came- leaving us stranded at our keyboards.
Good writing, but orphaned without a “rest of the story”.
Check your files…show off some of that stuff. Who knows? Maybe now is the right time to complete it.
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Permalink Reply by Bmichael on
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The Gunns – An American Family Holiday
Cast
Big Daddy – a middle aged AK47. Big Daddy is nearing retirement at the ammo plant and is counting down the days.
Peaches - Big Daddy’s wife. A hot tempered, flashy, Browning 9x19mm GP - with the fire power to match.
Pisgah – their first born. A 12 gauge, pistol gripped shotgun that was raised on a steady diet of double ought buck- and looks like it. He’s a good boy – a little wild though, and works at the state prison.
Loreal – their teenaged daughter. A sleek, satin finished Smith & Wesson .38 lemon squeezer with special hollow points she makes herself. A fairly well- adjusted little pistol that gets along with everyone – just don’t try to go too far on a first date.
Uncle Joe – Big Daddy’s older brother. A refurbished Walther P38. Spends his days reminiscing at the war museum downtown. Uncle Joe has a not-so-secret crush on Peaches and expensive, imported German beer.
Thanksgiving dinner is over and the family is sitting around the table – polishing off the last of the pumpkin pie.
Big Daddy: Dinner was terrific – as usual, doll face.
Pisgah: Sure was, Mom! You’re the best!
Uncle Joe: Yesh, yesh…indeedy doody…(hic) … it was trooly another culinarious conflagrational cacophony of exorbitus delights…(hic) …
Loreal (rolling her eyes and mumbling to Big Daddy): There he goes again, pops.
Suddenly, Uncle Joe hiccupped again - and went off. Three rapid fire rounds hit the ceiling causing everyone to duck as plaster began to rain down on the dinner table.
When it stopped, Uncle Joe looked sheepishly around the table at the disapproving stares of his family.
Uncle Joe: Umm…er… uh…sorry…Guess I didn’t know I was loaded…
Loreal: Uncle Joe! YOU’RE ALWAYS LOADED!
Everyone: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
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Permalink Reply by Westerly_2 on
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:^ }
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In 2066, 50 years after then President Barack Obama made history with his now- famous Republican “Annihiliation”, a Harvard University Professor and genetic researcher made headlines when he suggested that, due to new advances in the field – it just might be possible to actually clone an extinct life form – not a dinosaur, or an extinct plant, but in this case, a Republican.
The scientist claims that due to these new advances, it’s now possible to splice together a complete set of republican genes, locate an adventurous surrogate mother, and clone up a living Republican baby!
The public, professional, and ethical response was fast and furious. So much so that the professor was forced to backtrack and note that he was simply speculating – and not incubating. (yet)
Much discussion ensued – unnecessary, of course, in that the bottom line remains that it would be unethical to clone a republican baby.
Why?
Because there is no obvious reason to do so.
There is no pressing need or remarkable benefit to undertaking such a project. At best it might shed some light on the biology and behavior of a distant ancestor. At worst it would be nothing more than the ultimate reality television show exploitation: Picture an "Octomom"-like surrogate as she raises a republican child -- tune in next week to see what her new boyfriend thinks when she tells him that there is a tiny addition in her life that carries a small briefcase, wears wingtips, and whines incessantly at night.
The downsides of trying to clone a Republican include a good chance of killing it (smile), producing a baby that is seriously ill-informed and paranoid, and oblivious to the legitimate needs of others. All of this would be seriously compounded by our inability to know what type of environment to create in order to permit the child to flourish - largely because we don’t do that stuff anymore.
In addition, the child may exhibit a complete lack of understanding of what sort of behavior is "normal" or "appropriate" in this day and age - something early Republicans have traditionally had difficulty getting a handle on.
We’re going to follow this story and keep you posted.
Note: This is a parody of a serious, legitimate opinion/article written by Arthur Caplan, the Drs, William F and Virginia Connolly Mitty professor and director of the Division of Bioethics at New York University Langone Medical Center.
The focus of the article - published by CNN on 1/24/13 - was a discussion about the ethics of cloning a Neanderthal baby – something that is apparently possible in this day and age.
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You were lucky.
I’m always lucky.
Where did she find you?
Who?
The witch.
Is that what you call her?
It’s what she is.
I don’t know…
…and that’s why you’re here. Because if you knew…
I admire you.
Bullshit. Even the witch doesn’t go there.
No, really…since I was…
Bullshit.
(sigh)
I can end this now.
I know.
And you’ll never play again.
I know.
That’s all you can say?
Do you remember The Doors?
Yes.
And Ed Sullivan?
You’re going somewhere with this?
They were told not to use the word “higher” during their performance.
So?
They did it anyway.
So?
They were then told they would never do the Sullivan show again.
So?
They said they had already done the Sullivan show.
(silence)
Play?
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:^ D
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Three horses, hooded riders clinging low against their necks, raced almost noiselessly through the forest.
Close behind, a wheel less carriage kept even pace as it glided smoothly on air – inches above the ancient road.
The first sentry, looking down from his perch was startled to alertness by the sudden glow of the carriage. Quickly opening the pouch, he released the bird, and scrambled higher into the canopy.
Ahead, perhaps half a day’s ride in the small village of Orden, Nika awoke with a start.
Surrounded by her family, her fearful eyes landed upon her father. To his left, her mother sobbed quietly and in the far corner of the room she felt her brother crouched in the corner barely hidden in the dim light.
“ Father, an old woman is coming…” she gasped.
“Nika. Come quickly. We must leave – now. How long?
Nika closed her eyes and sank back into the pillow. Her father grabbed the large pouch and began filling it with her things.
“Nika, how long?”
“I…I…can’t tell…2 hours…but…
Her mother pulled back the blankets and lifted the child into her arms. In her daughter’s ear she hummed soft words in a mysterious tongue, yet the girl somehow knew the meanings and for a moment her fear had calmed.
“Draco! The horse!”
Her brother jumped up quickly into the light and touched his sister’s forehead - lightly tracing down her cheek through a tear.
“Draco” his father said softly.
“Hang on!” her father screamed and kicked the horse’s flank. The great animal responded with a grunt and a surge of power sending them soaring across the ravine to the grand plain on the other side.
Until now Tior was running on fear – fear of this day that he had known would come. But he had planned well and all was ready … the fear was no more – replaced now with anger and certainty.
[You’ll not have her, witch – to this I swear]
At the end of the plain, mountains rose abruptly – protected by seemingly impassable fields of giant rocks and boulders. Tior had spent years mapping a path through this barrier and now led the horse and Nika carefully along the way. The rocks had become larger as they neared the cliff walls and he could no longer see behind them.
“Nika…are they coming?”
“I can’t feel her anymore, Father. What does she want with us?”
[Not with us, daughter. It’s you she’s come for…] He grabbed the hilt of his broadsword.
“Hush Nika, there’ll be time to talk later.”
“Where are we going?”
“To a safe place.”
Tior stopped at a large boulder, searching it with his eyes. There…his mark from years ago…faded but still visible, pointing the way.
In time they stopped at a crack in the wall. Not very large, he and Nika could squeeze through, but the horse could not. He removed the parcels and set the animal back in the direction they had come.
“Father?”
“It’s a small tunnel that leads to the other side…and safety. Take my hand.”
They emerged into a narrow chasm that twisted and turned for some time before opening into a cleared space among the rocks.
There, before them was the carriage, hovering silently. Three horsemen formed a protective barrier in front of it.
Tior pushed Nika to the side and withdrew his sword and took a guarded stance.
The Pathon Soleil stepped out of the carriage – her gaze fixed on Nika.
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Gotta know what happens next.
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