NEW CARS ON THE BLOCK

[Mark Joel Lane]

 

The National Motor Corporation,(NMC) has come out with a well deserved lineup of cars for the 2013 year. Unlike cars being named after horses or birds or fish..these new automobiles are named after our lowly protozoa and microscopic friends. I had read about these cars in Consumers Indigestion Magazine.

Introducing the new Amoeba ATP: The stylish new Amoeba with 4 false tires will have drivers moving up and down as well as horizontally. The Euglena XL50 features protoplasmic acceleration, defying laws of physics that enables the vehicle to whip through intersections and zoom around corners.

Perhaps the most luxurious of all the new models is the plush Paramecium Pellicle. The Pellicle is specifically engineered to drive through water with its ciliated adapted tires. Rain or even thunderstorms will never dampen your driving spirit in a Pellicle. Driving through puddles, floods, even lakes and ponds will never prove to be an obstacle. Similarly, the slow gliding Hydra might seem to inch along the road but its well placed tentacles will insure a safe ride even in a hurricane or blizzard.

For the ecological minded crowd, NMC is proud to present the 2013 Fungus Hybrid 450. This horse manured powered car comes standard with a sun roof, moon roof, and a spirogyra engine. This green algae engine produces a whopping 80 miles per gallon.

The newly designed Volvox should not be confused with the 50s and 60s beetles. The Volvox is a spherical shaped vehicle with its electronic flagella propelling it at speeds that would make a drag racing fan envious. The best asset for the Volvox might just be its ease in parking in tight spaces.

Fans of E.Coli and intestinal disorders will love driving the new 4 wheel drive SUV, Macrophage LS. This top of the line limited edition is designed for areas not normally accessible to motor vehicles. Teenagers in your family will enjoy the extra leg room in the custom designed vacuole chamber.

The new Antibody Coupe is ready to make its debut in mid July of 2013. This car has a slime mold exterior that helps resist peeling,scratching,and shedding. This hermaphroditic minivan will take its passengers on fantastic voyages according to NMC spokesman Rah Kel Welsh.

For you Nascar racing fans, don't forget to get your tickets to the Penicillin 500 and remember ....this race is in miles, not milligrams.

[Zochitl]

Wow so many varieties that it's going to be hard to chose which one you will eventually buy. I think I'll keep my Ford for another year and see if the companies will stay out of the mud and leave those  protozoan vehicles to where they will be more comfortable instead of whipping by flying objects where they can be snatched as bait for food. hee-hee.

[Mark Joel Lane]

Trade in your Ford for a Ford Edsel.

[Zochitl]

ha-ha. I think I'll keep it. M uncle had one of those.