Trust - a regular issue, I suppose

[Serenity]

I've lost three significant others to death and one to divorce.  Not surprisingly, perhaps, trust wasn't an issue until after the divorce.  

I suspect more folks are divorced that widowed.  How big an issue is trust in terms of being single and moving forward?

For me it is now huge. I don't drag around the old experiences, per se, but that part of me that was open and welcoming to the world is now much more tentative than it was before.

Or maybe I'm just content with dawgpaws and me?  He does snuggle well.  :)

[Serenity]

Steven,

Maybe that is it.  Besides not really being trustful of guys I meet, I do examine more closely.  Unless it is really extreme I do withhold judgement at least once, but so many of the men I've met have been totally around the bend that I'm like, "Exit, Stage Right..." LOL 

I am very tentative in my trust and with me it must now be earned.  It is not given.  Or maybe that is the difference between a woman and a man?  I've very aware of safety issues, for instance, that might not be on the top of a man's list of concerns - since so many of you guys are a foot taller than I am. 

[Grandma Helen]

He looks like the perfect companion to me!  They are so much easier to please.  A bowl of food and water and some regular excersise and they are happy.  Oh wait, the question was about trust.  Well, I have no trust.  My ex husband has no concept of what honesty is.  He lies to himself.  That's a long story.  He lied to me for 30 years and spent half his life swearing I wasn't being honest with him.  I think that's called transference.  I have no trust when it comes to men.  I have a really good friend who's male and I even sometimes don't trust what he says and he has never given me any reason to not trust him.  He understands why I'm the way I am and doesn't get mad at me.  I think my past would be a huge hindrance in a relationship.  I honestly don't see me in a relationship ever again.  My life is so much less complicated with just the kids and grandkids.  I think folks who are widowed, unless they had a problem marriage, don't have the baggage those of us that are divorced have.  Just my humble opinion. 

[Serenity]

Helen,

He is a little sweetie and very easy to please - food, water, walks, playing with toys, and enjoying life.  I understand dogs better than I understand people (and I work with people for a living) because dogs are incapable of lying. They are exactly who they are with no pretense. Humans, on the other hand, are very complicated and rarely direct about anything. 

And yes, Helen, that is transference.  

[dwalt]

I don't give trust away but I refuse to change who I am because of the person I was once married to.  No, I don't trust him but I at least try to give all people a chance.  I get along much better with men than women so one rotten apple isn't going to influence what I think of ohers.

[Serenity]

I am generally laid back and yet can be exceptionally assertive. It goes with the child protection/lawyer thing, I think.

I give new people a certain level of trust, while at the same time being very aware of what is going on. I realize that I virtually never have an office set up where there is anything between me and the door (due to old problems with crazy clients) and that may carry over into other venues. For instance I want to sit at a table in preference to a booth and I always seem to select the side nearest the door.  I won't sit on the inside of a booth - but that my have to do with hearing issues.  

The first time I meet someone I'm generally affable (externally) but I'm also very attuned to body language. Because I don't hear well I watch people very closely.  Men tend to interpret this as "I can't take my eyes off of you" instead of "I'm straining to hear you." so I tend to tell them I am HoH and they need to speak up since my lipreading can't allow me to fully understand them.  Most still interpret it as "God, she loves me!" 

I must admit that I'm really all done with "crazy people" and "conspiracy nuts."  As soon as the first word about Gray Aliens under the White House or the like comes up I'm really all done.  Life is too short and there MUST be fellow conspiracy nuts out there who are women who want to look at life from slitted eyes.  That would not be me.  

I have had a psychologist (male) whom I knew tell me I am intimidating to men because I have such a "laser-like focus."  Eh, okay.   

[dwalt]

Yep,I agree, but I just love to laugh and enjoy life. I don't take  myself so seriously and know I screw up every once in a while buts then so do others, it all works out.