The Break Up

[ThisAndThat]

Most of us if not all of us go through break ups.  Some are good and some are bad.  I just had what you could call a good break up with a man I admired very much but just could not take it to the next level with him.   It was not fair to him as he wanted marriage and I did not.  It is still painful and recent.  What do you do to get over a break up.  Do you completely discount someone and never talk again?  One day they are part of your life and then poof they are gone.  Any words to the unwise?

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Oh T&T. It depends on the man. Some men - after the initial hurt has passed, along with some time, are amenable to staying friendly and some are not. A lot depends upon how you parted. And how you feel - eventually. I certainly feel your pain, we all do here I suspect, in one manner or another. (((HUGS))).

I personally go to ground for a while and lick my wounds, but not for too long. A month or two or three. This is not to say that I don't mourn for a long time. I'm still mourning my 20 year common law relationship, and it's been two years this month. I just had a long weep about it the other day. But I've obviously got on with my life and have let love enter my life again.

After an appropriate time of reflection, it's just counter productive NOT to get up off one's bottom and get back out there and busy. It's just a matter of time, as we all know. Did you leave the door open a bit for a chance at friendship eventually?

[belle054]

Now is the time for some serious self-care and pampering This. Indulge yourself...a manicure, a massage, a brief trip, something to honor and affirm that you made a decision that you felt was in your best interest. It's also a grieving time and allow yourself to feel the loss. The pampering will also serve as comfort. We get messages all the time that we're supposed to suppress negative feelings but trying to ignore grief only prolongs it! This too shall pass and then you'll be better able to move on with a much more clear mind and a new set of goals in place. Best of luck to you. xo

[Charg]

Belle, you have made one strong, excellent point.

[Charg]

I'm going through a divorce as of this writing. With both dating and marriage, it's been a few months shy of thirty years. We only dated 10 months when he proposed but it was right, he was every bit my soul mate and I his.
People grow, folks change, it is neither one's fault. While there is pain, and some anger ad resentment, we are trying to do this on our own without fighting through the legal system. Like Diana said, I believe it depends upon each person.
I know that I hope we remain amicable. His family has said they won't give me up and for that I am thankful.
Where there is a break-up of a long-term relationship so much more is lost than just the relationship itself. I watched some children be brought into this world that have grown into fantastic adults. How can I let that go?
I, too, am searching for love again. It's been a year since I moved (separated) and the tears are nearly gone.
I just have too much to give to be bottled up.

ThisandThat, I hope you find what you need to facilitate the closure of this part of your life. You have many friends at the helm waiting to help and listen if you need.

[Dee Holland Eidson]

I met a really wonderful man.(I thought) He was attentive.Called me at least every other day.His job took him away for a few months at a time.We wrote each other every day.We talked on Skype too. About three months in the relationship he told me he had a 13 year old daughter.I was not thrilled my children are all grown and married with children. Then he started wanting me to pay for her dancing lessons and quite a few other items. I tried to exlplain I was not able to put out large sums of money.He told me if I couldn't help him with his daughters needs I didn't love him.I told him he was looking for a mother for her more than a woman for himself.He became quite angry and started swearing at me.I told him it was over.By this time I was a basket case.I really cared for him but I knew it was not going to work.Its been a while. I have cried a river at least.The other day he called and said if you send some money to show you love me we can pick up where we left off.It broke my heart again.I can't start up with him simply because I don't trust him anymore. The fact is I actually still care for him. How long does it take to stop hurting?

[Rain]

@ Dee.....I detest men that try and play women like that ..Dee.. I feel sorry that you are hurting from him because thats a very hurtful thing. Bottom line " He tried to play you" and played your emotions too which stinks big time !! He isn't worth your time !!! What a jerk! 

[Dee Holland Eidson]

Thank you for taking the time to reply . I appreciate it very much.I am getting over him.It is not easy to forget the good stuff. Its the bad things I have to keep reminding myself about.I am working on it.

[Rain]

It hurts but In your heart you know you need to do what you feel and what you know is right for you. . I remained friends with my first husband after 10 yrs of marriage and in fact he was best man at  my second wedding. The second  husband of 15 yrs and my third and most (definitely last) husband are good friends now . I left them  both but they were both really good men, I wanted to keep them as friends and it worked so well for me.

Hang in there, time eases things . Hugs to you.

[Dee Holland Eidson]

Thanks for your kind reply. It is getting better. I am hanging in as hard as I can.

 Hugs back!