Social or "non" Social Sites?

[oldmike]

I just posted the hideaway thread and got to thinking -- again, am I alone here or do you do this too?

I find myself using social networking sites like this one as a crutch -- or rather as a means of being alone without being alone! I have been single for 4 years and rather enjoy it, not that I don't miss my dearly departed wife with every ounce of my being, but I've found that the peace I have with being alone is quite nice.

Do I use social networking sites to be "non" social? I think so, to a degree. How 'bout you?

[Julia A Knaake]

In for real day to day life I am happy in a crowd of people, ( known to me or not known to me) or I am happy alone.

i do like these sites TBD and Facebook for interacting with people I probably will never really meet but we do have common interests so they are my friends online and I like them. i do not own a TV to sit in front of everyday nor use as a background noise. If I want a background then I listen to my various CD songs or to myself chattering away to a story I am writing. i like all people and talk to anyone anywhere anytime but on the other hand I am not afraid to be alone as long as I am safe.

[Serenity]

Well, I can't date my clients - no matter what kind they are - Deaf/Blind Support Service, Legal, Advocacy, etc. so I think I have turned to social networking for a sort of interaction.  However, I also go to ASL Meetups and other sorts of gatherings as well.  

I've lost a spouse to death and also to divorce.  Neither are easy, both present their own sort of pain and recovery.  If I could meet someone nice who was local it would be one thing, but so far I am happier with a roomie and her dog than with the guys I've met locally. I'm an introvert so I recoup and am happiest either alone or with a very small and select group.

So, yeah, maybe we use social networking in order not to meet people in person, but I've also met people in person.  See now, if you were local I'd suggest we have coffee or tea.  But it is a heck of a long trip to where you live.  LOL 

[Leftygrl]

This is the only social networking site that I belong to, and I don't spend that much time on here.  

I'm probably one of the last people on earth that is not on Facebook, and it does not interest me at all.

I spend all day at a computer at work, the last thing I want to do is spend my evenings on a computer.

[javagirl]

I'm just not that social to begin with!  lol.

I don't work with people my age or anyone I have much in common with, so this is nice to interact with folks with common interests that you may never meet in real life.   It's been a long time since I've been on a social site (was on EONS, then just found TBD and it's closing...I seem to jinx social sites. Anyway, was suggested links to this site and Boomerville, so I'm trying it out, until these close because I've joined.  heh heh).

I think of it more as a distraction (especially since am linked up on my phone during work hours), a little interaction, sharing thoughts and ideas,  I do have to be careful to not be online TOO much.  I am social in real life with friends and family, it's just not easy to meet new people my age.   I believe like anything, it's about maintaining a comfortable balance.  I do treasure my alone time though!

[blithe spirit]

I use social sites as a means to an end..to be social and to meet folks in real life. It has worked for me for the most part. I have local friends and family that I interact with daily making plans with them. When I travel though I usually arrange to meet some of my internet friends...its has been a nice addition to my life, the internet social thing, but not all a reason to be non-social. I think probably when I first decided to try a social network I was hiding out..healing from a breakup...but I like the hands on, eyes on approach too much to isolate myself by using the computer.

[thallygal]

Nope, don't use networking to be non social.  I have made so many new friends, that I would never had met had it not been for the internet.  I adore people, and am very social, and am so interested in others beliefs attitudes etc.  I have not been too active on sites, yet have my favorite places.  I spend my day listening to peoples problems, and brainstorm with them for ways to change, so it is nice to come home in the evenings, and have somewhere fun to go. 

I certainly do know what you mean Mike, and there have been times that I have used this site and others to be "non" social, I guess as I don't want to go anywhere, see anyone or talk on the phone. Am not in that spot today. :-)

[Grandma Helen]

Phil and Steve, this is true.  We really need a mix in our lives of online and real life friends and family.  However, not everyone has been blessed with real life family and friends.  I consider myself very lucky because I have 4 sons and 3 grandchildren and the kids girlfriends.  I also have personal friends.  Like you guys said, some folks have disabilities that keep them from being able to get out and about.  For them these type places are a blessing.  I don't drive anymore and that has hampered my ability to get around as well.  I recently started going to church again after many years of not, but I find that anything that I would be interested in is at night.  One of my problems is I can't see at night.  I probably could walk and just be very careful, but I don't feel secure enough to do it.  I stopped driving in the dark almost 15 years ago.  Back then I was still married, so he could drive.  Been on my own now for 7 years, so unless one of the kids drive, I stay in.  I do enjoy these groups a lot, because it gives me things to do at night.  I've also made friends in my building, so we can either talk on the phone or when it's warm we hang out outside.  I have found that life is what we make it and I think many of us on here have made this a good part of our life.  I think it's a wonderful outlet. 

[Serenity]

Helen,

Do you talk to folks at the church about needing a ride? If not, why not?  I bet you there would be someone happy to get you and take you home!  People love helping others if given the chance. 

I hope you don't mind my asking, but do you have R.P.? (It starts with night blindness).  If so, you may be eligible for services for the Commission for the Blind in your state.  Here is a link, in fact.  Who knows what might be out there for you - like cab vouchers, maybe. https://www.dors.state.md.us/DORS/ProgramServices/Business3/  

[Serenity]

Yes, Steven. we got used to both a false sense of intimacy with the web (we think we understand people's insides) and we also act as if we can do or say anything to anyone without any repercussions.  

There is a song I love to terp called "You wouldn't say that to a stranger."  We tend to think folks we know online are not exactly strangers - and yet we do things that we wouldn't do to our worst enemy IRL.

I do my utmost to not put into writing anything I would not say face to face. Mind you, tonight in a heated political exchange on another, rougher, site I did refer to "that heaping pile of steaming dung" (regarding the comment of another) but I'd have said that in the real world.  I can be a "pull no punches" person in some circumstances. It's both my personality and my calling, I suppose. I'm a fierce advocate.  

Unless someone is confined to bed there is virtually aways a way to get out and around IRL. Another hat I wear is that of a Deaf/Blind Community Action Network (DBACAN) Support Services Provider (SSP) and I have two customers I take out into the world - shopping, paying bills, going to the bank, all sorts of things. No one knows but us two - we look like friends out for a day together and the fact that one of us has a white cane and the other does a bit of guiding is all the rest of the world needs to know. 

It may be very difficult for folks in tiny towns with no support system, but usually there is someone - church or something - if we only check around.  Being involved IRL is critical for us.  :)

[Serenity]

There is a saying in the Deaf community that the Hearing are Deaf from the neck down. I used to be very expressive as a younger person. Over time I got more and more locked down as society doesn't want people to be expressive. Note the difference between small children and adults - can you imagine rolling in the grass and crowing with glee? Try it again sometime.

When I started taking American Sign Language again about 18 months ago I was locked into what passes for "body language" in the hearing world - looking for micro-expressions. The subtle tone of voice - the subtly raised or lowered brow. 18 months later I am alive with expression. When I see one of my HoH/Deaf friends there's no doubt in the minds of anyone in the area that we're delighted to see each other. Our expressive cups run over.  I now practice by signing to songs (I am probably fortunate never to have fallen off the ARC trainer yet) and the range of expressions in them is incredible.  It was what I loved about my first boyfriend (who was Deaf) - he was so incredibly expressive! 

One of the reasons I post long comments is that it is almost impossible to communicate in sound-bytes online. We lack "body language," facial expressions, tone of voice, volume etc. There are so many nuances we don't have here.This is why the sideways smilie came into existence. Now there are more ASCII smilies and frownies and icons as well.  

You're right - it is so easy to miscommunicate, no matter how hard we try online. I love Vlogs (Video Blogs) for this reason - I get all the expressive part.  But most are not CC'd for Hearies.  Yes, I am a Deafie and the rest of y'all who don't sign are Hearies - what can I say. :) 

I am out and about in the world, but I communicate a lot online because for me is is a more level playing field - I was raised with English as a first language.  As long as folks don't write in text lingo too much or put ellipses all through their posts I'm good.  

[Serenity]

May I share something with you all?  Here is a vlog by Keith Wann a CODA (Child of a Deaf Adult) and the expressiveness in this telling is exactly what I'm talking about.  I wish we were all like this!

[Serenity]

Welcome, Steve

LOL - Keith Wann sure makes you feel like he got sick, eh?  He does WONDERFUL stories for children.  My favorite is Llama, Llama Red Pajama.  It's great!