MAY 2012 DISCUSSION

[CWO3ROBBIE]

OK, Here goes.

It is the third. Of may that is. I haven't been here for a while and decided to check in. Saw that the April 2012 Discussion had  been closed. When the REPLY tag vanishes that means the discussion is closed. I thought about reopening it and then changed my mind and opened this one.

Comments?

 

[thallygal]

Good Thursday afternoon my dear friends,

Has been a while since I have checked in.  My brother still home and I have been spending lots of time there, between work and there, not much time left for much else.  This has been quite a process.  He is getting weaker by the moment, yet has some real times of clarity.  Tuesday I went over to do something, can't remember what, and he was sitting on the floor watercoloring.  He was not the person that I had left the day before.  We got him a hospital bed, a bedside comode and someone to come in to bathe him three times a week.  That seemed to perk him up.  We are trying very hard not to send him to the VA hospice.  Last night when I spent the night, he seemed quite delusional, he told me he had got the bill for the trapeze,  I said what, and he said yeah, for the circus and then asked if we were going to still do that.....oh boy, we laughed about that for a while...

Laughing at some of the old photos, having some good memories...and some great times laughing, I think this is an amazing process, this dying business.  I have to keep a pad with me so I can write down some of the funny things....he is seeing people who are not there, guess when he starts to see mom and dad, grandma and some of those folks who are long gone...it will be time...

His good friend is flying to Wis tomorrow morning and she has been very active in this process...she seems to be the one who is unwilling to let him go, and he is so ready...had me talk to some of his friends and tell them that they needed to let go,  maybe when she leaves....he told me yesterday that he is so curious to see what is in the great beyond...he has a good attitude

My other friend Steve, well we are sort of taking a break..this brother of mine dying has triggered some real issues in him so I am giving him space to grieve...oh my what an interesting time in my life for sure....

would really love to hop on a plane and fly to the great oregon...go to the beach, listen to the seagulls and the fog horns, run away....

well will try to check in tomorrow...I think that I have the day off from being with my brother although a part of me doesn't want any time off as time is short now...

Love and laughter to you all

my brother has the internet, just not wifi, so I may try to figure out how to get on his computer...for now, so long

[lynn]

Thalia, thanks so much for sharing your experience! 

my heart goes out to you.  this is such an intense experience.... 

my dad died unexpectedly, as did my sister.  i was with my mother thru medical "stuff" for 3 years, but when she was actually dying (from peritonitis, just no doc told us for 15 hours, until it was too late to address the ruptured intestine -- it wasn't actually the rampant cancer that killed her!), she just took the morphine and essentially refused to say goodbye.  i was present in the room when she ceased breathing, but at that point, it was only a relief, we'd known it was coming for over a day.

my 2nd mother, hers was an antibiotic-resistant infection after back surgery, and the orthopedic doc refused to remove the titanium hardware that had become the home for a biofilm of bacteria that simply couldn't be killed.  until she injured her back in a fall, she had been a vibrant and active 80-year old!  after 2 weeks in a hospital bed, she said, i'm done, that's it.  many of us who loved her were present when they turned off the respirator, once the priest was willing to come by for last rites.  but that's a whole 'nother story, her body was decaying by time the fool priest could fit her into his schedule.

i recall my mother-in-law's dying, 35 years ago now -- she had near-constant siezures from a brain tumor, but every few days, she'd wake up ravenously hungry.  she was at home, in my sister-in-law's place, a few blocks from where i lived (married w/ children, then) and one of HER sisters-in-law, a retired physician, was with her the last few weeks, and family was in&out.  i wish i'd done some of my shrink time while she was still alive, i could have appreciated who she was LOTS more.

and i sooo understand your desire to sit on the beach and watch the surf roll in and let it do its healing.... 

as for your man, well, it's sad that he can't be "there" for you but you're wise to give him whatever space he needs (as if you had a choice, right?)  i'm back in touch w/ my Michigan man, and while it's exquisitely painful, it's also healing for me as well as for him, to learn that he's recovering gradually from his heart attack in late winter (significant damage), and now his father died 2 weels ago, he is (at long last) acknowledging the rage within him, towards his father, that has shaped his entire life.  i always knew there was a reason we were drawn together -- for me, it was to experience fully romantic love, but for him, it seems to have been so he'd have a solid friend to support him while no one else in his life had a clue about grief.  it's worth it, he's still a good man, just not meant for me.

i ramble, i realize. 

i'm grateful to the 4 of you, and Robbie too, who show up here and share the significant parts of our lives.

[lynn]

all right, you laggards.  no posts on saturday?  really?  that's a first for us.  are you SURE you plan to hang in here?

i visited kids yesterday, and grandkids today plus a thai lunch with a great friend.  i saw gazillions of bikes and bikers going to DC, yesterday, and away from DC today, after the Rolling Thunder ride -- that is always awesome!

Rolling Thunder 2012

[rhb1]

Yes, I was a laggard in here Saturday AND Sunday.  But today is back to normal, almost, well maybe, we'll see.  Saturday we went to Lowes to buy drawer pulls for my new office cabinets and shelf holders that push into holes.  Then built an adjustable shelf unit on casters for Sharon's jewelry supplies.  It's 3' wide and 6' tall.  I finished it up yesterday during a 2.5 hr layover between races on TV.  I call it warehouse #37.  Mixed in the weekend was a little yard work while Sharon did a lot of it.  Today is more jewelry photoing as the pieces (I'll call clients) are piling up.  She has registered for booth space at an upcoming neighborhood fair in August.  My daughter has volunteered to help hawk the wares.  That frees me to stay home and dog sit.  Raising spawn has it's benefits tiny bit by tiny bit.  :)

[lynn]

wow, you were busy on saturday, and sunday too!  busy but productive! 

"raising spawn has benefits"...eventually! 

[lynn]

my desktop died so i had to figger out how to sign in here all over again.  and i found Robin's discussion about how come June, she's done and needs someone else to take it over. 

and it's not clear that anyone has stepped up to do that, even tho several folks said they would.

Eons shur down just last week.  while i'll always be grateful to Robin and Kat and the original TBD for bringing me a wonderful new world of friends, just in case this site does go dark, i'm happy to know that i can find you all on facecrack, at least!

[rhb1]

Social network life goes on in nomadic style I guess.  Yup, we can stay in touch in FB.  My FB life is dwindling presently.  Too busy and getting bored with the content.  I have no plans to leave at all.  Just jumping in and out a couple times during my day.  Another busy day tomorrow.  Sharon has a bone scan appointment and I have pre-app conference.

Sharon's mother had a stroke this morning and is in the hospital.  She still has what little motor skills she had but has trouble speaking. 

[thallygal]

You guys are so great...haven't been on here only because my brother has no wi fi and his computer, in his bedroom, am not sure I could figure out how to use oneof those old things  LOL...

It is so good to be home after fifty four hours straight being with my brother....will be relieved when he is in hospice...and who knows by doing that maybe he will decide to just let go...we have had some great talks and I know that this must be So hard for him....he has a hard time with wanting to control everything...kinda a take charge guy and now that he cannot do that...well...

Thank you for being here

[lynn]

glad you found the energy to stop here before you crashed last nite, Thalia! 

yes, this is a rough time.  physically demanding as well as emotionally just horrid, even as it has its good moments.  sending you ~~support~~ thru the ether.

am slowly getting my sister's laptop up to speed, set up the way i want and acquiring the software i'll need for my consulting work -- fortunately, the non-profit i work with has access to some low cost options for Office!

[lynn]

finding a few odds'n'ends that actually weren't backed up in yahoo/gmail (online) that i shall have to retype, but can't convince the special Office-for=nonprofits download to cooperate.  working w/ OpenOffice when the rest of the world is using Word is a royal PITB....

otherwise, it's a great day, i am truly glad that's all i have to complain about!  i've been where Thalia is, in similar circumstances at least, and never again will be quite soon enuf.

[Goldilocks46]

((((Lynn))))         ((((thallygal))))         ((((Richard and Sharon))))

[lynn]

thanks for stopping in, Goldilocks!

hope things go well for you and George!  isn't summer wonderful?  but then i'm a sun-worshipper, some folks prefer other seasone, i realize....

have gotten my sister's laptop set up and running, and i think i've got a legit copy of Microsoft Office, but i messed up Outlook so am switching to Eudora for email -- it's now part of the Mozilla/Firefox family, and much to my surprise, it co-opted my (former Mozilla) Thunderbird settings, but i suppose that's okay.  will give it a few days, to see how it works, but perhaps having all my email accounts in one place will turn out to be a plus instead of a minus....

and it's the end of May, the very last day.  the one that historically was Memorial Day, regardless of which day of the week it fell upon.