You're killing me Smalls.....

[Jaylee53]

This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!

 

http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

 

 

 

I mean it...... :-)

[Faye Greener]

That's not a lamb, that's a kid.  They're made of rubber.

[Jaylee53]

[TeeBubbaDee]

[CWO3ROBBIE]

The reason the Irish celebrate St.       Patrick's Day is because this is when St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out       of Ireland.
It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came       to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was       having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were       eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with       nothing to eat but potatoes. St. Patrick, taking matters into his own       hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the Norwegians had to go.       Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to       Rid Ireland of Norwegians). Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in       Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the       Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the       Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep.       Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone       knows today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate       Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of       night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the       Norwegian invaders.
But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought       this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much they       decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish".       Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started       taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse".       Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he       blew his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO HELL". So they all got       in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota - - - the only other paradise on       earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be       found in abundance.

[CWO3ROBBIE]

It was meal time during an airline flight.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, who was seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or No", she replied. 

[Stir Young]

Yep, I think that's pretty darn close to the truth, Robbie.  And those Norsk have been giving a bad name to the rest of us Scandahoovians ever since.

[Aggie]

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.

The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."

[Aggie]

I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Scotland ?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are
you two whales from Scotland ?"
That's the last thing I remember...

[Stir Young]

HaHaHa!

[Aggie]

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

[Goldilocks46]

:-)

[TeeBubbaDee]

The doctor said, “Jerry, the good news is that I can cure your
headaches, the bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to
live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he
had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time
in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need – a new
suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see…size 44
long.” Jerry laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the
business 60 years!” Jerry tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about a new shirt?” Jerry thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Jerry and said, “Let’s see…34 sleeve and 16 and a
half neck.” Jerry was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the
business 60 years!” Jerry tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Jerry adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about new shoes?” Jerry was on a roll and said, “Sure.” The salesman
eyed Jerry’s feet and said, “Let’s see…9-1/2 E.” Jerry was astonished,
“That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!”

Jerry tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Jerry walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
“How about some new underwear?” Jerry thought for a second and said,
“Sure.” The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.”
Jerry laughed “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A 34 underwear
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.”