Touch Deprivation

[Caroline Gutierrez Abreu]

Yes, let's talk about it.

I'm a nurse and a bodyworker/energyworker, as well as being one of those people for whom physical affection is not just pleasant or fun but a downright necessity. I'm a hugger. I'm a toucher.

I think, though, that in modern society, we just don't get enough casual contact to keep us from getting depressed. We think it is loneliness, we think it is horniness, we think it is a lot of things, but what a lot of it is, simply, is lack of physical contact with others in our environment. Our bodies were designed to be touched; there are millions and millions of nerve cells all over the outsides of us that are sitting there waiting to have some sensory input.

Can we start a revolution? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to huddle together in a giant puppy pile until we were all content? I think that allowing ourselves to be affectionate with each other, no agendas, no intent, just letting ourselves interact with each other so we get enough Vitamin Touch to keep away the blues would be a splendid thing.

There have been studies done that prove that infants fail to thrive if they are not held enough. If it affects them that strongly, you know it affects us our whole lives. We need each other. We shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to touch each other.

[emilysghost]

Oh, I am a people person living a loner life. I can relate to what you said there.

[Caroline Gutierrez Abreu]

You probably wouldn't be surprised to know that many bodyworkers and energyworkers have ambiguous histories with touch. It is a way for people who have been abused or neglected to get touch that they can control and that is "safe". Of course it works out better if they have had some cognitive therapy before entering the profession.

It is very important to keep that physical link active with our families. I'm glad you replied, it's important to talk about this, too.

It's regrettable that we are all so far apart. I suspect there would be a lot of hugging going on :-)

[Directionally Challenged]

I too am a 'hugger'. I don't really know how that came to be since I didn't get a lot of positive touching from my grandmother(who raised me). Occasionally while we were sitting together watching TV she might randomly start stroking my foot or arm briefly. I would try to stay perfectly still so that she wouldn't stop. Somehow I managed to marry a man who isn't a 'touchy-feely' kind of guy. After years of trying to explain to him that it would be nice if he would rub my back or shoulders for no reason sometimes instead of only when he wanted sex, I finally gave up! My children don't like to be touched either, despite the fact that I lavished love, affection and hugging on them. Consequently, they don't hug me often. When they were young I used to let them draw on my back and arms with washable markers just to get some contact from another human being...now my grandson does the artwork.

I don't have any friends left to hug, due to having been involved in a cult (long story), and I feel totally isolated from the world. I have clinical depression and a constant theme in my therapy sessions with my counselor is the fact that I am completely touch deprived. Once a week at the end of our sessions we give each other a brief 'nice talking with you, see you next week' type of hug. That 30 sec interaction is better than the entire 50 minutes of talking.

I even thought of becoming a massage therapist, just to have a legitimate, non-wierd reason to touch people! Unfortunately I don't have any spare money to get a massage myself!

Anyway, my goal here isn't to look for pity or try to find a 'solution' to my 'problem'. I just wanted to highlight your statement that humans need that physical contact with other humans. And not only the people who are ill or terminal....

By the way, I still hug my kids whether they want it or not because it is so important....but I do respect their 'space'! And contact from being packed like a sardine in a subway car doesn't count as 'touching'! That's just flat out invasion of our need for personal space!

Sorry about the length of this reply. I guess I have 'talk' deprivation too!!!!

[Suuse]

Gotta love the 6!

[emilysghost]

It was very sweet.

[Caroline Gutierrez Abreu]

I am around angry people all the time at the women's shelter, so I know what you mean. It's a sort of chicken and egg thing, people develop armor from being angry and afraid and then they can't get the affection they need to soften them up again.

Thanks for your comments, so much of that goes right in with things that are wrong with modern society, doesn't it? People are isolated, careless of others, focused on themselves.

[caseyjo]

I have done quite a bit of reading about children who do not bond with at least one parent while babies. Babies in orpanages died because they did not receive the touching they needed, the bonding of human to human. Of the many babies who grew up without enough bonding many had serious problems blending into society.
Some kill or torture little animals and even people. They have no conscience.

Touch is so very very important. Narcissistic disorder comes from bonding issues as well. There is someone close to me in my life who has a adopted son who has the disorder, but I dont think she has figured it out yet. I asked her if he was close to his parents and she said no, his mom had to work all the time and was too tired to play with him when she got home...Now he is a full blown narcissist.

Funny, I don't think much about touch, I have a boyfriend who is a alcoholic and I don't like him to touch me anymore. I know I am dealing with lots of anger, but didn't even think it could have anything to do with the lack of touch...Something to think about.....K

[emilysghost]

I stopped looking. I am working on me.

[Caroline Gutierrez Abreu]

Well, the Free Hugs campaign is all right by me! I'd love to have a t-shirt :-)

Keep looking, Ghost! Or rather, stop looking, that's when it seems to happen (LOL).

[emilysghost]

True, lol. I've been on my adventure as a single again since 2005. Still looking.