Rednecks and armadillos

[Ciana Stone]

What do the two have in common? Not a darn thing. Especially when the redneck (me) is trying to keep the armadillo from digging up her flower gardens. I swear, I've been nice. I've been patient. Give the critter his/her space. Its' one of God's creatures. But this critter is getting out of hand. This morning I went out to get the paper, took four steps and braked sharply. My sidewalk was cover with a mound of dirt and the flower bed to the left of the sidewalk had a big crater dug in it.

Not a good way to start the morning. Particularly when the critter in question has eluded capture for more than a year. It all started when Ross (remember the old Friend's episode where Ross couldn't find a Santa suit and dressed up like the Christmas armadillo?) - okay, anyway, Ross the armadillo dug a big burrow beneath one of my lovely flowering bushes bordering the pool and demolished part of the flower bed, pulling stuff into it (I guess to make it nice and soft). I was not a happy camper but I didn't want it hurt or killed. Just out of my yard.

So, I called animal control. They kindly offered to loan me a cage to trap it. Okay, so I pick up the cage and was told to put the cage in front of the burrow and build a corral so that Ross had no choice but to go into the cage when it emerged from its burrow. HELLO???? Armadillos dig! What kind of corral are we talking about? Dig to China and pour a concrete barrier? But hey, they said they were the experts. So I tried it.

Ross dug his/her way right beneath the corral, turned his snout up at the cage and went on his merry way. So I turned in the cage and stewed on it for a while. Nothing came to me.

Then I was sitting by the pool early one morning, before dawn - you know that time of the morning when the sky is just starting to lighten. Suddenly I see Ross. He's on the golf course, headed toward his burrow. Ah ha! A brilliant idea occurs to me. Armadillos aren't exactly flexible so all I have to do is grab it by the tail, carry it into the garage and put it into the big trash can. I mean, it's not like grabbing a cat by the tail and having that sucker twist around and claw the crap out of you. And it works with turtles (Yes, I've snagged a few of those big suckers off the road and lugged them to safety). And once I have Ross safely in the trash can, I load it into the car, drive Ross far, far away and release him. Brilliant, right?

So, off I go. Chasing the armadillo. Well, let me tell you. Armadillos are NOT slow. I chased that little sucker for ten minutes - all hunched over, making dives for that tail. Got close a couple of times but damn if he wasn't speedy. Ended up eating dirt, leaving skid marks from elbows and knees. On the last attempt I swear he laughed. Seriously, he made this grunting noise then rocketed into his burrow. I headed for the shower, dirty, wet and disgusted. Some redneck, I am. Can't even catch an armadillo.

But hey, I could always try again:) I did hear from a neighbor who happened to be up early that it was quite a show and he had a good laugh. Guess that goes to show that there's always a lighter side to everything, eh?

Hope you're having a great weekend!!!!

[Whiny Old Bastard]

1 1/4 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup oil
2 cloves garlic, crushed (optional)
1/4 cup butter
Salt and pepper to taste
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1 medium onion, sliced thin
1 armadillo, cleaned and cut into serving pieces
1 1/4 cup light cream
1 tablespoon brown mustard (e.g. Gulden's) or Poupon Dijon
1 tablespoon cornstarch



Directions:

Mix all ingredients of marinade and add armadillo. Marinate about 8 hrs., turning meat occasionally. Remove armadillo and reserve marinade. Melt butter in deep skillet and brown armadillo pieces. Pour in marinade and bring to a boil. Stir in seasoning, cover and simmer until tender (about 1 - 1 1/4 hours.) Remove skillet from the fire and place armadillo pieces on a warmed platter.

Mix mustard and cornstarch, then mix in cream. Return skillet to low heat and stir in this mixture a little at a time. Stir sauce until hot, but not boiling, and thickened. Pour sauce over armadillo. Serve with steamed rice.

[Snagg]

'Dillos ain't nothing but a possum with body armor. An evolutionary Dead End, a Mistake of Nature, a hiccup on the Food Chain. Do as thou wilt.

[Ciana Stone]

Road kill? Hmmm, wonder if I could lure that sucker out into the road?

[Judi]

How funny!! Texas joke . . ."Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: To show the armadillo that it could be done. (armadillos are major road kill in these parts).

[Ciana Stone]

LOL!!!

[Nick Danger]

What do the two have in common? Not a darn thing.

I beg to differ.

[Ciana Stone]

LMAO - your scoundrel:)

[Orianb]

Hell, If you promise to wear the Daisy Dukes, hat and boots, I'll come kill it for you.

[Ciana Stone]

Thanks for the help and advice. I did research the critters and learned that they carry a parasite that's a precursor to leprosy so I will not be trying to catch it by hand again. Someone suggested that I stuff the burrows with moth balls since most animals hate the smell. Maybe that would work to drive off to another location. It's a cheap thing to try so I'm going to invest in a few boxes. Life sure is full of interesting adventures, isn't it?

[Orianb]

They carry leprosy, kill that critter.