I am having some red wine. I am feeling cocky and sarcastic and bitter and empowered. It is not just my embibing either. I have been hanging out with my friends who as a group are known as "chulas" which means "cuties" in Spanish. Dayum, that is so freakin multicultural----especially for a bunch of white chicks, plus the token: one latina, one Asian Indian, and one half breed Native American. Anyways, I am sitting around drinking and my mind wonders to thinking about fairness right? Of course I am going thru a divorce, I mean who isn't? And yeah, I am one sour phukyn bitch, mmmkkkaaaayyy? But really, I am not bitter or sour or whatever cuz my soon to be ex mother fucker is a mother fucker. I am sour or bitter or whatever for wasting all of my young life behaving like an indentured servant. I am bitter at ME. People do to you what you allow and I allowed a quivering, gelatenous, drunk, snoring, philandering, ass to define me as "ingrate," "bitch," "cunt," "whore," and generally as someone with little worth.
Do I want to gouge out his eyes and float his dick in a jar? Yeah. Am I gonna do that? Probably not. So what then? I decided to BLOG. Hey, laugh if you want but it beats the crap outta going to JAIL.
He is never going to read this blog, so I think if I say what I want here, then I will feel better, so here goes:
Dear Dan the Dickhead,
I want you to know that I am not sure you are good enough to breath my air. Your girlfriend, Jennifer, is a freakin farm animal and I agree that you may need a place out in the country since her girth alone constitutes her as livestock. Moo. And even if she does not win a ribbon at the rodeo, I want you to know that you both have my blessing. I mean, how two people as gross and desperately unattractive as you both are found each other and dared get naked or jesus help me have intercourse is in all likliehood a sign of the apocalypse. I am now and ever shall be grateful for the first hand warning. I have now been able to look forward to each day as if it was my last. I have been able with the support of friends and my own new love, Ted, to see myself for the person I really am and the value that I actually have.
So I raise my glass of shiraz to new beginnings and a second chance at life and to the hope that both of you die a miserable and painful death.