TBD on Ning

I am alright now. No more drunken tantrums from my boyfriend who will become a x boyfriend if he doesn't try something different. I cant handle alcohol either, that's why I have not had a drink in 8 years. I don't miss it at all.

I used to go to AA, but because of my lack of spirituality I don't go anymore. The organization teaches a person has to have a higher power to stay sober and if they don't they are on a dry drunk or something of that nature. They believe a very few have done it without AA & God, and they must have had spiritual help to do it. I cant deny there are very good things about AA. I really liked the personal inventory part. Fear is such a motivator for unwise decisions. Alcoholism is a symptom of deeper problems which should be looked at and AA is a great place to start.

I guess I am writing this because for some people out there AA is not a option because of the God thing, but I am here to say you can learn to use the educational parts of the program without a belief in God. Once you get the tools you need...move on. There are many people who get sober without AA, but you wont hear about them in AA...They are not in their statistics, but we are here........... If anyone needs to talk to me....I'm here....looking out for the people who will not step foot into a AA meeting or people who will not go back, or people who are going, but having a very rough time. I don't know if I can help, but I can be a friend. We are neither perfect or flawed...OR...we are both perfect and flawed. Bottom Line....we are just human and we are all different....Hugs...K

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Comment by caseyjo on August 21, 2009 at 12:19pm
Interesting web-site by a guy who has put a lot of thought into God of the 12 step programs....http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-heresy.html...........The heresy of the 12 steps..by A. Orange.
Comment by caseyjo on August 21, 2009 at 11:53am
Hey Tina girl...Yes...To be in a place in your heart where you feel comfortable where ever you are is a good thing. Through all I have learned about that, I still get depressed when I go to the city and see all the trash littering the sides of the roads, the fast pace, and the concrete buildings seeming to pile on top of one another. Everyone working, working, working for the American dream, and forgetting how to plant a vegetable garden and love the simplicity of what life is really all about. Work is good if it is for the right reasons, but we live in a world of mass consumerism and have forgotten our true natures. Thanks, but no thanks. I will only move to the city if I have absolutely no options left, or I fall in love...hee hee.
Comment by caseyjo on August 21, 2009 at 11:26am
Hi Jacquin..........There is a old saying in AA....fake it till you make it. I did a lot of faking, which is hard because I could not be totally honest. (AA is a program of rigorous honesty). I felt if I were to open up about my true feelings about god I could possibly hurt a newcomer. So I tried so very hard to believe a non human force could restore me to sanity. I used the group as you said, but eventually I would go out and drink again..It was the honesty thing...It got to me.

Well, I have 8 years now on my own accord because I took from AA the most important parts and left the ones I could not use. I guess the most important thing to remember is you are there to learn how to change. I learned how to take a searching and fearless moral inventory. I dug deep through writing and sharing with others and I learned to stand up on my own two feet and take account for my own bad decisions rather that blame everyone else. I lived my life in a fishbowl full of fears and I learned how to face them one day at a time. I will always have my affections for AA but I had to move on. There is a program online I found many years ago that starts out with diet changes to cure alcoholism, then goes on to other newer ideas. I will do some research..find out what is going on out there. Will get back to you all later......Hugs...K
Comment by Tina on August 21, 2009 at 10:06am

I think that where one finds peace they will find their own personal healing and courage to overcome.
Comment by caseyjo on August 21, 2009 at 10:05am
Thank you Pacis.......He does try to make me feel guilty constantly...It's a great big drag and I never met a alcoholic who doesn't do it. The game playing and lying non-stop. I can see right through him because I have been there myself. I have to play a waiting game for a little while longer. Waiting for a important letter which will help me gauge my future a little.

My girlfriend down the road says next time he goes on a rampage to come to her house. It is nice to know I have an out. For now while I have some serious decisions to make and a trip to Ca. coming up soon, I might just move back if I get a offer. Downside.... I love it here. The house I rent is big and roomy. The yard is lush and full of wildlife all the time. The view from my computer window beautiful and serene. The house sets in the middle of a old oak haven with huge oaks all around. It's peaceful and just gorgeous. My life centers around walking Florida's wildlife areas and my crafts and things I have going here. To have to uproot the things that make you happy is hell. Gawd...I hate the city. If I moved back to Ca. I would be right smack back in the middle of the concrete jungle. Would rather take my chances with the alcoholic than move back to the city. Jeez...I have some big decisions to make.
Comment by caseyjo on August 20, 2009 at 11:14pm
There is a lot to what you say about alcohol and it not making you do things. But it does put the brain into such a stupor... I have thought this over...Most alcohol induced killings happen when the brain passes over the line of reason to the very dark side which says its OK to kill to ease the pain which one is under. That scares me....I am behaving like a really young person who thinks they can go out and do a lot of really courageous acts and inside they think nothing bad can ever happen to them. I am like the young person who says....I will never be hurt by him....I am now giving this much more thought..... therefor the reaching out....... finacially I am between a rock and a hard place, but I should have news in a month or two which will either give me more freedom or ? Jeez, I cant even talk about the ? yet.

I'm a street fightin kid who has led a rough life and managed to hold it together somehow. Now I am older, had cancer & chemo, but have been in remission several years. The old gray mare she aint what she used to be, but I still have the fightin spirit...Dang..I'm stubborn to do it all myself. I might actually have to ask for help, but that is a tough one for someone like me.
Comment by caseyjo on August 20, 2009 at 9:57pm
Hi Lady Glitter.....You are so sweet. Thanks for your support. I was going to Alanon with my friend, but I used to go to AA for many years prior to my first Alanon meeting which is for people who live w/ or have close attachments to Alcoholics. Alanon was something pretty new to me. AA...something of the past, but most all 12 step programs are very spiritual programs which I do appreciate very much, but I am still having a bit of a problem with the 12 steps of these programs. The 12 steps are the central and most important part of All 12 step programs that I know of. I have moved on from the 12 step programs and I use what I gained from them , but I manage my life without God. I have nothing against god though and I appreciate everyone's spiritual lives and belief systems. Yes, it would be nice if I could find a group of like minded x-alcoholics out there. That's one reason I started talking about it. As far as the boyfriend is concerned I am in between a rock and a hard place right now, but situations always change, and something will give at some point. I am kind of biding time right now. It's complicated....I am in limbo , but heck...Thats what TBD and friends like you are all about...Hugs....K
Comment by caseyjo on August 19, 2009 at 1:13pm
What AA proclaims to be and what it actually is is really two different things. In my mind It is very Christian oriented whether it says so or not.The main objective is to get people to believe in God who will save them from themselves, because they cannot get sober without HIM.

I like the fearless moral inventory....It taught me so much. I think it was the inventory in the Big Book which taught me almost everything I ever needed to know about myself. I don't know what part God plays in my life yet, except maybe it is a concept which is used for me to learn about keeping a open mind. I learn through trial and error and know naturally that if I step on the toes of others, I'm going to be stepped on right back. Moral code is easy to understand. A person doesn't need a God to figure that one out.

I am going to go back to AA one day simply to put my own prejudice at rest. I know I am judgmental as well and righteous in my own right. The Big Book taught me to see that, and I am forever in its debt for teaching me to see things about myself I never would have seen when I was pr. Now that I read what I wrote above, I am a bit embarrassed. AA is a wonderful program and if your keep an open mind, you can come out on top of the world, no matter who you are.
Comment by JMcAul on August 19, 2009 at 12:16pm
I am sorry this has been your experience, we don't have that going on in any of the meetings I attend (which I must admit have been very sparse for many years.) I just go through my daily life, living the 12 steps to the best of my ability and I try to always be there when God as *I* understand Him (and I do understand him with a capital "G" for what it's worth,) but I try to be there whenever He puts someone in my path who is struggling with issues that He has resolved in my life.

All I can do is carry the message of my own experience, strength and hope to others. If God be God, He will reveal Himself to those seeking guidance, I don't have to ram anything down anyone's throat. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say that going to meetings is a requirement for sobriety and sanity. It's not in the steps. It does help however to have others you can relate to who are dealing with the same issues. I guess about all you can do is peacefully (that means without emotions driving you, which can be hard sometimes) point out the Traditions regarding no religious affiliation of AA. If the people there won't listen perhaps you can start a meeting which studies the 12 Traditions?
Comment by caseyjo on August 19, 2009 at 10:13am
1982......27 years. You go girl.
Can I ask you a personal question? Do you still go to meetings? I have a problem with some of the richeous christians that seem to dominate many of the meetings here in Florida. There is blatent... in your face praying with hands in the air to Jesus which gets to me. AA proclaims to be a spiritual, not a religious program, but so many here judge you if you admit to being agnostic/athiest. It can be a real problem for feeling like you really fit in, which is important. It becomes very hard to keep principals before personalities when you feel you are an outcast and it becomes hard to share in meetings. There are no Agnostic meeting anywhere near where I live...Ca. where I am from is different with all different kinds of meeting for everyone....meetings where artists hang out, agnostics, professionals, etc, etc, etc, it is much easier to find a place to fit in there.



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