This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!
I mean it...... :-)
Not far from the truth.
A pickup with three guys in it pulls into the lumber yard. One of the men gets out and goes into the office.
"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
The man scratches his head. "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go check."
Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be acceptable.
"OK," says the clerk, writing it down, "how long you want 'em?"
The guy gets the blank look again. "Uh... I guess I better go check," he says.
He goes back out to the truck, and there's another animated conversation. The guy comes back into the office. "A long time," he says, "we're building a house".
Three Southerners, all appearing on a quiz program, were asked to complete this sentence:
"Old MacDonald had a . . ."
"Old MacDonald had a carburetor," answered the one from Alabama.
"Sorry, that's wrong," the game show host said.
"Old MacDonald had a free brake alignment down at the
service station," said the one from Mississippi.
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the one from Missouri.
"CORRECT!" shouts the quizmaster. "Now for $100,000, spell
"Easy," said the Missourian. "E-I-E-I-O."
Well, CLEARLY you're not from the south, funes. Missouri is most certainly NOT southahn.
No matter what they think.
Should I have said Texan?
Texan? Why, funes- Texas is it's own COUNTRY; forget about it being part of the "southern" United States! (you really need a geography lesson)
Start with Alabama, the heart of Dixie. Work out from there. We include Florida, but we know it isn't really the south, it just happens to be located in the south. We share well. Lump Texas, Arkansas & Missouri together. I don't actually know the correct regional moniker for them, but they aren't southern. Stop at the Mason-Dixon line, heading north. There you go. A complete lesson of the southern United States in one fell swoop.
Hey.....don't lump Texas in with Arkansas and Missouri. Texas isSouthwest...... and yes it is it's own country. And proud of it.
A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the farmer and agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. But the lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nope, I give up. You can have the duck."